ANSWERS: 9
  • You don't. He's an adult and this is his job to sort out, specifically given he doesn't seem to want your advice. Back off and keep your mouth shut, his life is his own to live. It sounds as though if you keep giving your unwanted opinion and advice, you won't have a brother for much longer anyway, so even if you have to distance yourself from the situation you'd probably be somewhat preserving your relationship in the long term.
  • You can't. You've given him your opinion and now you just support him. Maybe she has changed. I really hurt my husband back when we were dating by breaking things off with him and going back with my ex-fiance. Eventually I realized the error of my ways and my husand and I have been married for almost 11 years. His former best friend could never forgive me, even though my husband had, and they lost their friendship over it.
  • Unfortunately, you cannot make him see this. Your position should be as a supportive sister. You cannot make his decisions and cannot control what he does or does not see or believe. It is torture to see a loved one set themselves up for a world of hurt but you just have to be supportive and let him know you're there for him and quit passing judgement on her.
  • Speaking from experience, as much as it hurts to see him being "used and abused" there is really nothing you can do about it. Just sit back and don't offer any of your opinions or advice unless you are asked. My brother is an adult and is fully capable of making his own decisions and it just tore our whole family apart to see him make such a foolish decision for a wife. Everyone in the family sat down and talked to him one time to let him know why we were upset, but he chose who he did and doesn't see anything wrong. They are always welcome to any family gathering and those few that they do show up for we will be courteous to his wife, but we will not give in to her demanding temper tantrums and we keep our kids away from her. I know it hurts and I feel your pain but the best thing you can do is keep your opinions to yourself.
  • First of all, I am so sorry this is happenning to you. I know it can be so frustrating. You have the right to feel this way and there isn't anything that you can do to change how you truly feel. You love your brother and after seeing him hurt so much by this woman, it is absolutely normal to hate her (for hurting your brother). From the story about how much your brother's girlfriend behaved so immaturely (a girl who loves a man would NEVER play around with his emotions -- imagine how a girl would feel if the guy she loves leaves her and goes back to his ex), I would hate her too. I am in the same situation. My brother's girlfriend is very manipulative, she's older than he is, so she knows how to get her way. She even had my brother pay $8,000 to pay her vet bills (from something that she did to her own cat). She tells him that she's broke, but she gets paid more than me, defaulted on all her college loans, and always comes home without any money. She doesn't respect my Mom, our family values and important beliefs which are significant to our culture. Unfortunately, I can't say anything because I don't want her to exclude me from seeing her/his children (if they get married). The difficult thing is that from meeting her, I can already sense that she's toying with him and doesn't really care about him. All I can do, and something that I suggest, is to talk with your Mom about it, or a trusted family member. I understand it is his own life and he's a man, but it doesn't change how I feel. By talking to my Mom, at least I can vent my anger and frustration to someone who I know won't turn around and stab me in the back for feeling this way. Good luck with everything. I hope your brother can see the reality that a woman who loves him would never hurt him purposely.
  • Honestly, I think you should leave him alone. Make your opinions known, but back off. It's his life. I have siblings who don't like my boyfriend because of some things he's done. They think they are helping when they criticize him and me about it, but they are really not. They are just making things worse. Thankfully, they've shut up for the most part. It sounds like you need to, too.
  • im in a situation very similar to this and i think its best if you just back off and dont say anything because the more you try the more your going to lose your brother to that stupid bitch!!!!!! its like because your saying soemthing hes going to continue it sucks im losing my bro because of his girl!
  • He'll probably have to realize it for himself. All you can do is pray that she doesn't hurt him too badly.
  • I don't think you can expect that he will see it "your way" at all. Because he is not you. Best to be tolerant. If he asks for your opinion then you can give it to him. Otherwise you risk being a meddler - even if for what you think are all the right reasons.

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