• Take it slowly. Talk to your husband and explain clearly , calmly and honestly how you feel and what sort of relationship he envisons (if any) with the child in the future. Then take yourself someone quiet or with a friend you trust and think over what he has said. Has he known about the child for nine years or has he just found out? How does he feel about it? Initially think about it with your head not your heart.
  • Back again,thanks for your reply,he says he never was 100% sure she was his, he's very upset by the whole thing maybe its becasue he's missed out on her life or that he thinks our whole family is going to be changed because of it,I know he'd like to meet her, I'm so confused by it all, my life was going great and now this big blow to the whole thing.
  • Did he know about this for 9 years or did he just find out too? You can't undo the past, but if your husband is in the habit of keeping things like this from you, I would seriously question his integrity. What are the circumstances here? Does the mother want him to have a relationship with the daughter? Child support? Want him (and you) to raise her? Why did this come up after 9 years? I wouldn't find it comforting that your husband fathered a child but assures you there was "no relationship". It is a sign of poor character that he can separate "sex" from "relationship". It opens the door to the question: How many other "non-relationships" do you need to expect down the road?
  • be there for your husband and support whatever decision he wants to make.
  • talk to your husband and support his decision. The fact you said he is upset he will probably stay with you and welcome her <his daughter> with open arms. He wouldn't really have a reason to leave his own family just add more on :) best of luck
  • Be thankful this happened before he met you first of all. Secondly be thankful she didn't try and break y'all up using the excuse of the child. There's a lot of ways this could have gone much worse. Be thankful

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