ANSWERS: 25
  • Maybe you'd better stop asking God and start helping yourself.
  • Life will go on. I know that it seems hard now because it hasn't been years that she has been out of the picture, but it will get easier. If you believe that drugs and alcohol will kill you, then it probably will. You need to change your thinking to be more positive. You are too young to be so old.
  • Well adding drinking and drugging isn't working as your questions shows , so try a little counseling with someone who can help you unravel all your going through right now . One small step at a time and asking us is a big step and I'm proud of you for making this move in the right direction
  • God only helps those who help themselves. Time to get to an AAA meeting.
  • God doesn't always answer our [rayers oin the manner in which we expect him to. If we are not in tune with the spirit it is sometimes hard to recognize that he has answered our prayer just in a different way than we may have expected. With that being said nothing is so terrible that it is worth doing something stupid over. I assume by your statement that drugs and alcohol are probably what led up to your seperation. The first thing you need to do if you are serious about ever having a chance to win her back is get into rehab and get yourself clean and sober. Once you have done that and you have proven yourself as being someone who can kick the habit then I would try to work on proving that to your wife. This will not be an easy task to acomplish and will be a very long and hard road to travel. With motivation and perserverance though it can be done. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you get her back It sounds to me as if you truly loved her and are regretting the things you did to lose her.
  • Don't believe that because you've come to a difficult point in your life that it will not get better. Life is full of ups and downs like that. Drugs and alcohol are not the solution to your problems. They only make them worse. God is the answer. Faith is the key. Keep believing and keep trusting.
  • Please seek help in overcoming the drug and alcohol issues. I know it's easier said then done but have faith and believe in your ability to do it. Your life will improve dramatically and you will be in a far better position to cope with and manage your feelings. I wish you peace and courage.
  • Comment on another answer: "Its been a year now. And I left everything and became a very good healty person. But a few people made belive that God was going to restore my marriage but I would have to change all my ways and become a good person. So I did but nothing got better and it seem like alcohol made me forget but I have to stop that because i know its bad." Because we all have free will, God can only do so much. Your wife has to want to make it work too. If she does not want to make it work, then it won't. I would also point out that your turning to alcohol to deaden the pain that you are feeling is showing that perhaps you have not truly changed whatever it was that drove you apart in the first place. Based on what little you have written here, I would say that you need more help than can be given in a forum like this. I suspect that what you really need is a good marriage and family therapist. If you wife is willing to try to put your marriage back together, then she should also go. Then you should both follow the advice of the therapist. If your wife is unwilling to try to put your marriage back together, then what you need to learn to do is let go. Either way, I think that you need a professional. ************** Mar84Cam wrote, "She is not willing. But its just so hard to move on. She told me she was suprise that I didnt have a girlfriend by now. Becuase so many girls wanted me when I was with her." I know that it can be hard, but if she is not willing, then there is not much that you can do but move on with your life. I also would not give up on God either. As I wrote above, because He gave us all free will, there is a limit to what he can do to influence our lives. It could be that your problem was that you were asking Him for the wrong thing. Were you asking Him to help you put your marriage back together? That is not a bad thing to desire, but it looks like His answer to that is no. So, instead, maybe you should be asking him for the strength to move on. Personally, I am always sorry to see marriages fail. It is quite sad when that happens, but sometimes it just can't be helped. One or both of the spouses just caused the other too much pain and/or heart ache and then there is just nothing that they can do to repair the damage. It is unfortunate, but it does happen. When this does happen, no matter how much the one spouse repents and changes, he/she just can't put the marriage back together. So, the only recourse is to learn to let go and move on. If you truly care for someone, then sometimes you have to do this so that he/she can have a happy life. In the process, you also need to find a way to heal the emotional scars that you carry. While God may not be able to influence your wife into taking you back, if you are truly open to Him and will to do as He wishes, He can help you to heal and find your own happiness in life. I don't know what more to tell you. I pray that you do find your way out of the sorrow with which you are dealing and to the happiness that God does want you to have.
  • I have been there. You need help and it may seem you might not be able to get through it by yourself. Call this number. You will probably have to leave a voicemail, but talk to the person who calls back. Talking helps. After separatation it is very lonely. Respond to me privately or comment and I will give you an instant message contact to chat with me if you want. 800-662-HELP (4357) http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/crisis_hotlines.htm
  • You can't change her mind my friend if she is determined to not work it out and has moved on you need to accept that and do the same no matter how much you love her you can't force someone to love you again just let it go and move on you will be much better off in the long run
  • Sometimes people think God is not listening because by all appearances he is not doing the one thing you are praying he will do. I know how it feels to pray for your life to change or for someone you love to love you back. What I had to do was learn that you have to trust God to know what is best and turn it over to him. Let go of it and say a prayer telling him you cannot handle what you are going through and that you have complete faith and trust in him and in his wisdom that he knows what is best. It is a hard thing to do but if you are a praying person (and evidently you are as your question states) then you will keep saying this prayer and in time God will lead you. Sometimes we want things that are not best for us, we cannot see it but God can. Best wishes. :)
  • I felt the same way when my 1st wife left. Fortunately, there were people around who cared about me who refused to let me wallow in my own pity. Eventually time and distance lessened the pain, and one day I just got bored with reenacting "what happened". Started dating again, found a good woman willing to put up with my sorry ass and I did what I said I would never do again. I remarried. Have been now for 18 years. Wouldn't have been possible if the FIRST wife hadn;t left. What I initially thought was a TRAGEDY turned out to be a BLESSING in disguise. But that's hindsite. Right now, you enjoy feeling miserable. I say you enjoy it 'cause you wouldn't DO it if you didn't want to. Stop it. It'll get better. Subscribe to Sirius. Listen to Howard Stern. Go bowling. Buy a girly magazine. Call a good friend. Call a LOUSY friend. Watch a football game. Buy a book to read. Try that new hobby you've been putting off. Buy a girly magazine. Listen to some music. It'll get better. Finally. You asked God for help. There's a story about a flood. The water rises and a guy driving by offers his help. Man says no thanks. "God will help me". Water rises higher. Man refuses help from a passing boat. "God will help me." Water rises still higher. Man sits on the roof as he refuses help from the helicopter. "God will help me" The man drowns. Upon meeting God, the man angrily asks why He didn't help. God says, "I sent you a car, a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?" Be WARY of refusing God's assistance. He may send help in the form of a crazy ABer.
  • Well I've read most of the other answers and a lot of the comments on this thread, and I think there's some things which need to be said that aren't represented in all of that. You're expecting to have something or someone (God, your ex, etc.) outside of yourself to resolve your pain. This will never work, sorry. Your pain is a product of your own heart and mind, it's not coming from outside of you, and nothing outside of you can "fix" it. You have to start looking inwardly, studying your own structure, your own beliefs about yourself, your own resistance and clinging. You're the source of the pain, and you're also the solution. You're wasting your time in your current efforts, and the lack of results is a demonstration of that fact. Doing MORE of what doesn't work won't help. So what SHOULD you do? Start paying careful attention to your own thoughts and feelings. Stop trying to make them change, stop trying to make them go away, stop trying to escape from the pain and heartache and learn how to EXPERIENCE it fully, just as it is. This recommendation may sound crazy: "why should I study my pain!? I just want it to stop!". Well, yes of course you want it to stop. But until you fully understand the specific conditions which perpetuate it, you really can't get it to stop. And to do that requires careful study -- not of some theoretical explanations in a book, but of your own experience in real time. Using drugs and alcohol to kill the pain won't work (I've tried that, btw!), they'll just make things worse by clouding your mind and abusing your body. Here's a simple technique to get you started: learn to pay attention to your breathing -- just let the air come in and go out, and "follow" it with your attention. Try to focus just on that. You won't be able to do it, because your mind will serve up thoughts that are very insistent, and they'll want your attention. When that happens, note as precisely as possible what those thoughts are, and then return to following your breath. As time goes by and you continue to practice, you'll start to notice details and patterns about your thoughts and feelings that you didn't notice before: hidden beliefs, habitual attitudes, unconscious doubts, etc. Just SEEING these things helps. At some point, if you get good at self-observation, you'll start to see large-scale structures of your own psychology... the pattern of entities and relationships which make up your notion of who you are and what life is about... and not coincidentally, you'll find the pain starting to fade away as it's replaced with self-understanding and some real wisdom about how life works. But please, stop thrashing around... it's not just painful for you, it's painful for others!
  • Don't let people belittle your communication with God. They aren't you, they haven't been where you are.
  • Just keep praying! DOn't give up! I've found that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want him to! Good luck!
  • I think you have to MAKE things happen. You have free will
  • I think you already know you should quit the substances, listen for the answers. The Value of persistent prayer is not that God will hear us, but that we will finally hear Him! x
  • Even if you don't think so there are people around you who care about you and love you. Reach out to them. They will be there for you. Trust in God. My wife left me for another man a month ago and my family and faith in God are all I have now. Just know that it will get better. Find a good local church, join a support group, don't think you are alone. Just remember that for every step you take towards the Lord He takes three towards you. You will survive this, God loves you and wants you to survive this and continue on and live a full and rewarding life. I will pray that God brings someone into your life, anyone, an old friend, coworker, a buddy, to help you through this. Please don't think you can find answers in booze or drugs, all they will do is make you sink further into the abyss. God Bless You.
  • I to lost a wife because of my addictions to drugs and alcohol. I was so messed up when I first started going to church I went drunk!!!! But now I'm three years in recovery and engaged to a wonderful woman. Keep praying, join a good church, and AA helped me thru the first year. I bet your not the only one praying for you. Good luck!!!!
  • God will answer! Give him time you gotta wait in due time for the new one or for your wife will come around. In the mean time go to the doctors and get on prozac or welbutrin to relax yourself and thing straight. Many times I felt the same way but in the long run. I'm still here looking and feeling better than before!
  • How are you doing? Did you make it to an AA meeting? Please do. You need this constant loving support often when dealing with addiction. You will feel a lift in your mood when you attend. It will help you through.You can feel God's help there through all the members. Like here but stronger.
  • Remember, you're not alone. There are other pebbles on the beach.
  • Hey.. unforchantly, theres not much I could say to help you. Because I dont understand what your going through. No one can say they do. Because im not going through EXACTLY what you are, am I. But the point is... I know I've asked God to many times to help me, or give me things and sometimes he hasnt. BUT.. when I look back to the times he hasnt answered or hasnt helped.. im actually thankful. Because if he gave me what I wanted or helped me out of something at that time.. i wouldnt have learned, and I would be still where I was back then, or in an even worse situation. God has the best timing. And he knows whats best for you, better than you do yourself. One verse I find always comforts me when I want something, or I feel God has abandoned me is: 1 Corinthians 10:13: He will not give you beyond what you can bear. If you like, I can pray for you :) Just let me know, and Ill add to my list :) love claire.:)
  • God isn't real.
  • Damn. Sounds like you might actually have to stop doing drugs and do something with your life. Sucks to be you.

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