ANSWERS: 97
  • Yikes! What do YOU think??? It wouldn't matter if this mystery friend was male or female. Something's not right with this at all. I would SERIOUSLY think about doing some soul searching. Then, I would suggest you sit her down and tell her you have real concerns, and they ARE valid concerns, and they need to be worked through before this engagement goes any further. She needs to come clean, completely clean about what this is all about. No matter what someone is deceitful about, you don't want to start a life together with that between you. It will never go away on its own. It will only get worse. Best wishes!
  • I smell something REALLY fishy - don't you?
  • Thats messed up man.Thats a problem
  • BIG problem!!! First of all if this is the woman you plan to marry there should be a linbe of trust and open communication on BOTH parts. YOu've obviosly trusted her by allowing this relationship to exist, shouldnt she trust you enough to let you meet the guy? I would think she would WANT you to meet him since if shes that close to him he would be a part of yalls life. She's hiding something. Find out what!
  • A problem? Yes. She seems to be relying own this person too much. Now is the time for a sit down talk.
  • problem, my husband was doing the same thing, she is not being honest, she is probably cheating like mine was! get the persons phone number and ring them, that's how i found out!
  • If she's talking to just ONE male friend like this, there has to be some problem. On the other hand, if she has plenty of chat pals who happen to be of the opposite sex ... it could be just a false alarm. I have several male buddies with whom I chat day and night, sometimes send tens of text msgs daily ... it's just a different emotional need, some people feel more comfortable if they don't have to share everything with their SO, and the SO only.
  • Hi, I think it is a problem; not because of the prospect of cheating but based on pure trust! You need to meet this person and she needs to be honest. It is not to much to ask for !! I would say that if you are to trust her she has to understand that she has to be open and forthcoming. It doesnt seem like she is! and that is no way to start a marriage. It really doesnt matter who this person is. Just that she needs to be honest about it and understand that if you are in a serious relationship it is not O.K to keep a friend a "secret" and talk to then in the middle of the night! that would make anyone suspicious!!! It would make someone not normaly jealous into a jealous person and that is not right. She might not understand what she is doing but it is playing mind games with your head and it is not right! Talk to her and tell her straight out that she needs to be open with you for you to trust her. It is not to much to ask for .. just remember that!! Good luck ! I hope it all works out p/s remember it is not about wheither or not she is cheating it is based purly on trust in general! because many girls will talk to varous guy frinds alot without it neccesarily meaning anything..
  • I would like to contribute by telling you that this... is a problem. Everyone else on here covered the reasons why.
  • Maybe she is afraid of wat you'll say to him or how you'll react to him. But in my opinion, i have done this before with my ex. I told him he was just a friend but deep down i knew i was trying to fool him along with myself that i didnt like this other guy when in reality i did. I ended up ending things with my ex and trying things out with this guy so just be careful! Hope for the best but prepare for the worst!
  • oh my god..i just say she havent let go of her imaginary friend.. ..that is some seriouse issues..maybe you should front her about it, its not good that u go and think about this without frontin her with it..i say its something mentally.. peace=)
  • thats sounds pretty familiar to me i have been cheated on and thats what i had to deal with, chances are she is cheating on you, if you have any suspicion of her cheating on you then follow what you feel she probably, you should talk to her about this
  • she probably is cheating on u,you probably have to look at her phone if it is a cell just look at her dialed numbers and check who calls her often or who she calls often i had to do this with my GF and that was a big give away
  • Exact..Same crap !!! I just went through, Mine was cheating...I think you have a major situation developing.
  • Big problem. I once had a friend whose girlfriend was doing the exact same thing. It turned out that the guy was gay and had been her best friend for several years. She said she was afraid that my friend would kick his tail, just because he was gay. But, my friend dumped her anyway, because she just confided way to much to this guy. I mean, she even told him about their sexual stuff, which I think was going to far. To this day, I believe, that she hoped the gay guy would fall in love with her. I think he was her fall back, (in her mind). I'm old-fashioned, I think your girlfriend/boyfriend should be your best friend.
  • Real problem. This issue is about respect for you. She obviously favors this guy over you because she wants to talk to him first thing in the morning. Gracefully back out of this engagement! Save some face.
  • Who is this male friend? Is he a potential "hit-man" who will bump you off after you marry this woman who will help her spend your life insurance money? Wake up and call the wedding off now. This is one twisted woman. Oh, and please don't post this same question for a fourth time, you have almost 30 answers and you should be able to sort things out. Any more posts and I report you for spamming. :-) Have a nice day.
  • I've been both the males in this situation in this life. I was friends with this cute girl from school for a long time, then I dated her step sister for 5 years. The girl would call me everytime she had boy problems, and she always wanted me to dump her sister. Well, the girl got married, and has called me many times, she even invited me to the wedding. I know that being a guy, and respecting the fact that she is married I would leave her alone, even though I had broken things off with her sister. She, being married still called me recently, and I told her that I had a new girfriend. She was so jealous!!! I don't get it though, She had a chance, but got married instead, how can she still think that I am there for her in this respect, if she is married? She hung up on me when I asked her this.....haven't heard from her since, poor thing.....
  • Oh ya, very real. Confront her either him or you! If you don't trust her now then it will only get worse after you are married.
  • REAL PROBLEM !!!!!!
  • When there are secrets and sneaking around going on in a relationship it usually is not good. In a past relationship I was fine with my woman having male friends because I knew who they were, knew what they looked like, met them, talked to them, and saw how my woman behaved around them. You need to request a meeting with this friend before you take that next step. The way I see it if she is hiding this guy from you, what is she hiding you do not know about? This is not paranoia but it could be a real problem.
  • Oh wow, Everyone has covered why it is a problem... DUDE IT IS A MAJOR PROBLEM. Where there are secret and lies there are ghosts behind doors, look out for your own feelings, she doesnt care about yours why tip toe around hers
  • Like Kenny Rogers Sings -- Know when to walk away - Know when to run -- Good Luck - Pattijo
  • hahahaha@ for a 4th time. Everything came out recently...and it's not innocent at all. Solutions still not all worked out, cause theres a lot involved...but yeah...it was and is a BIG problem!
  • This is totally not right. A woman doesn't just talk to a man for hours without something being there, especially as soon as she wakes up. That means that all that she thinks about is him. Im sorry to say but this doesn't look good to me at all.
  • I think once she didn't want you to meet him then it became a problem...I mean yeah she may think you'll just scare him...but right now his doing it to you and when it comes down to it your feelings are what matters...you need to just sit her down and say this guys is making me feel uneasy and I would like to meet him...they could set it up so it would look like nothing is going on but you should be able to tell...but yeah it doesn't look good my friend
  • Do an eye for an eye and see how she reacts. Actions will speak louder than words..
  • The fact that you are uncomfortable with it and are questioning it says a ton. Yes, it's a problem even if the guy is a gay guy (as noted by another poster)... she is supposed to be with you that way, not someone else. How heartbreaking... it's a bad situation. Good luck with whatever decision you make since no matter what you do it will be hard and will hurt you since you are already hurt...
  • You are not supposed to hide anything from the people you date let alone your fiance! The fact she has lied about it makes me uneasy too. I would not trust the situation one bit. How long has it been going on?
  • If you have to come on line and get the answer you know some thing is not right. Now you must act on it.
  • problem.
  • Without trust there is no real relationship. It sounds as though she's hiding something; and if she wont tell you what it is then I'd reconsider if you have a future together.
  • Hey dude, you haven't signed on to AB in over two months. I hope the fiance and her secretive male friend didn't do you in.
  • Yes there is a problem... She's being very secretive. Which means that she's hiding something. I believe that man is her ex lover or maybe the other man. Since your both will someday get married you should insist in seeing this man... If you can try to get the telephone number to this man... Have one of you female friends call him for you and ask who he is etc... Worst comes to worst at least you didn't marry her yet (even though it is hard to let go of someone you really love, i know) Basically you should do is Snoop around her stuff...
  • Yes there is a problem... She's being very secretive. Which means that she's hiding something. I believe that man is her ex lover or maybe the other man. Since your both will someday get married you should insist in seeing this man... If you can try to get the telephone number to this man... Have one of you female friends call him for you and ask who he is etc... Worst comes to worst at least you didn't marry her yet (even though it is hard to let go of someone you really love, i know) Basically you should do is Snoop around her stuff...
  • They're doing the nasty. Lucky for you she's showing her cards before you screwed up and married her.
  • I agree that it doesn't matter that it's a guy friend or not. If she is lying about anything, that's a probelm!
  • big problem. try talking to her about it, and tell her it won't bug you if she's willing to share with you what's actually going on (provided she's not cheating) it's a little wierd that she gets up to call him before you wake up.....maybe this guy doesn't even know she has a fiance.
  • its a problem. need to get to the bottom of. had a girl do the same thing to me. i got to the bottom and it wasn't good. if she lies about him then she is hiding something. if you two truly love each other then she shouldn't lie to you about it. its ok if she has male friends but to be extremely secretive about the guy then you gotta do something about it.
  • Regardless of her relationship with this male friend, she is completely disrespecting your relationship with her. Dump her if she doesn't shape up. If she's disrespecting you now - do you think it'll get better after you're married???
  • real problem that mean she is cheatin on u
  • Real problem with a capital P. Silence is golden, but under these circumstances. Investigate, before its too late.
  • personally, its a problem for me. if you can't trust her now...........it won't work
  • Absolutly OLEY! Get the hell outta town...This has so many red flags on it, its black! This girl is seeing this guy, thus she doesn't want you to know a thing, you deserve better, let karma deal with her, or some sucker whos insecure!
  • Real problem. Sort it out or postpone the wedding.
  • umm my guess is she maybe shouldnt be your fiance anymore...that or she is scared to let you meet him because she thinks you'll over react
  • Houston,you have a problem.
  • She's probably worried that he will like you, I bet you're the pretty one and she always feels like her guys prefer you. Am I right?
  • I was in a similar situation with an ex-girlfriend and my worst fears were confirmed. I'm not saying that's the case here, but what made the relationship fail was the lies and deceit not the suspected cheating. You simply cannot expect a relationship to work if one or both of you are lying. Trust and honesty are the foundations of a successful partnership and without these it's like trying to build a house on quicksand.
  • Ohh. Yeah. Real problem. I assume you're tried to talk to her about this, but if not, do it. If she lies or tries to draw your attention away from it, then set an ultimatum for 1)the truth about the guy and hers relationship or 2) to meet said guy.
  • MY NAME IS SHARON. AND I HAVE HAD THIS EXACT PROBLEM BEFORE!!!!!! YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER. AND TELL HER YOU NEED TO MEET THIS GUY. AND IF SHE REFUSES, ASK HER WHY. THEN, IF SHE STILL REFUSES TO TELL YOU WHY, TELL HER SHE NEEDS TO MAKE A CHOICE. IF THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS, THEN SHE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM OF YOU MEETING HIM.
  • MY NAME IS SHARON. AND I HAVE HAD THIS EXACT PROBLEM BEFORE!!!!!! YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER. AND TELL HER YOU NEED TO MEET THIS GUY. AND IF SHE REFUSES, ASK HER WHY. THEN, IF SHE STILL REFUSES TO TELL YOU WHY, TELL HER SHE NEEDS TO MAKE A CHOICE. IF THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS, THEN SHE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM OF YOU MEETING HIM.
  • Ummm real problem not parnioa... The fact she wakes up before you to call him and has lied about alot proves that there is something not right about the situation. You are engaged definitley nip this in the butt before the wedding and it sounds like they are too close a woman who is about to married needs to focus on her marriage and her husband not some other guy... REAL PROBLEM
  • That's definitely something wrong. She may be cheating. I'd talk to her about it...if she isn't honest about it still then you dump her big time!
  • you should confront her and also do some deep digging to see if there's more going on than you already suspect. hey, it's nothing wrong with asking or investigating. if she won't tell you anything and you really want to stay with her, then if you want to find out some info, just call up cheaters!!!
  • If I had read this problem a few months ago, I would have agreed whole heartedly with the answers above. HOWEVER you haven't said how you approached this with her - if you're asking tons of questions and making it clear you don't trust her, she's not going to want to admit that it's an ex who is now a friend, because you'll just jump to the wrong conclusion. She might be speaking to him early in the morning in an attempt to minimize the impact on your relationship (i.e. not talking mid eve when she should be spending quality time with you). How do you know she's calling him - have you been going through her phone? What about if this friend was a girl - would that be ok? Just trying to throw in another possibility here...if it is really exactly as you say, i'd be worried, but to be honest things are rarely that black and white!
  • the exact same thing happened with my mum and dad. she would get up at 6am to ring this "friend" before dad was up. i eventually found out she was cheating and that shed knowen and been with him 4 years! and she told us all 1year. she is now living with him and mum and dad are divorced. it really is a horrible situation to be in and i think you should chat to her openly and honestly. if you get angry she will close up and not say much. remeber, relationships are trust and you really REALLY need that in marrige. so talk about it!
  • Cancel the wedding immediatly and find someone else. Simple
  • that sounds like a large problem. it wouldnt be so bad if she would tell you about him instead of lying. and let you meet him. but the fact that she does lie and isnt letting you meet him shows shes hidding something!
  • This is what you have to do: seek in yourself and see if you have reasons to be insecure. After all she IS your fiance; why would she stay with you if she had an affair elsewhere? A bit of secret-keeping is a sign of wanting to reserve a personal space, privacy, autonomy. If you stop fussing, she will most probably tell you more. But a bit of adventure is what a lot of men and women wish for; it's exciting. What is your paranoia going to lead to other than misery for you and frustration for her? Women don't like paranoid husbands.
  • Whether she is cheating or not really isn't the issue here. The fact that she won't discuss it and lies to you is the issue - that is no basis for any serious relationship. I agree completely with the person who said cancel the wedding immediately. Time to move on.
  • And your the fiance...i think this is another case of it's not where she's at it's where she wants to be and i don't see you two sharing last names in the future. if you keep this going your bound to get your feelings hurt. SHE IS WRONG..YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HER BEST FRIEND NOT THIS GUY. SHE PROBABLY IS SLEEPING WITH HIM CUZ SHE DON'T WANT YOU TWO TO MEET BECAUSE SHE WONT' KNOW HOW TO ACT IN FRONT OF YOU CUZ SHE PROBABLY REALLLLLY FRIENDLY WITH HIM...
  • there is a problem call off the wedding leave and get your ring back. im sorry i know how it feels to get cheated on
  • That's an issue. If she can't share information about him with you then there's a trust issue. Trust issues lead to bad relationships. If he's really nothing then a friend, then she wouldn't mind telling you the truth about him.
  • uuuummmm.......RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!! Dude wake up and call "Cheaters". Hey maybe he's just gay....I hope.
  • Run and don't even look back. She will definetely cheat if she hasn't already. If there is already dis-honesty, you can count on more in the future and bigger lies to follow. No one should have friends of the opposite sex that they won't introduce to their significant other....HIDING SOMETHING FOR SURE!!!!
  • Thats a REAL BIG problem,so sorry to hear that,at least you found out bef. walking down the isle,you need to walk away,there will be a lot more pain if you dont,I feel so bad for you,I know first hand how bad your hurting.
  • REAL. PROBLEM.
  • slap yourself up side the head! or should i do it for ya? She's cheating on ya, When you're not home he's givin it to her. Does she still sleep with you, is sex non existant or more? Her interest level in you has gone down the shitter. Might not be your fault but it might. She is keeping a huge secret from you and that is not cool.She might not love him but she likes the sex. She's toying you man. Pay her bills and cuddle on the couch until he calls...LOL. Get out and have as much sex and date as many girls as possible.
  • ....Really?
  • That is a huge problem! If your partner can't be honest with you about the so called friend, then they are hiding something.
  • Definitely a real problem-a big one. Even if they aren't sleeping together - which they may not be- her hanging out with this guy and having this whole other life that you aren't a part of is disrespectful of you and your relationship. She's letting this guy feel like he's got rights to her which should really only belong to a spouse or fiance-which would be you. If she can feel like she can keep things from you and never have you find out or feel like she can get away with lying or whatever she's doing now, when the time comes, she's gonna feel like she can get away with a lot more without getting caught. Bottom line: this is a very unhealthy situation for her to be putting the both of you in, and if you can't fix it now, it has tho potential to be a MUCH bigger problem later. She is not acting like someone who is supposed to getting married to you. You should be outraged and have every right to be. If you know better than to do the things she's doing, then she should have the same respect for you. If she can't, you should find someone who is on the same page as you ethically.
  • No! she is rude and disrespectful. Paranoid nothing! It's right there in your face all she needs to do now is smear it in.
  • Real problem. She's at least emotional cheating, which will make her care less about you and only think of this other man. Tell her that you want to know, she shouldn't keep it from you unless she's hiding something. I would suspect something if i were you.
  • I would say that is a real problem and the whole situation just seems very suspicious to me.
  • its clear that this person has little or no respect for you, the answer is simple.. let the two of them be on their way... there are better people out there to be around. a lie is a lie and a cheat a cheat. you shouldn't have to beg to know a friend that is just a friend--- respect has NO SECRETS!
  • Think I was trying to answer a different question or the question was edited AFTER I answered it. Weird. Agreed.
  • you are facing a REAL PROBLEM ... she is lieing to you and doesn't want you to meet him.. then there is something she is hidding.... try to solve it... and tell her to tell you the truth you don't want to be the idiot guy who doesn't know what his future wife is doing...
  • The real problem is the profundity of your obliviousness. You are being cuckolded hardcore nasty style and you're JUST now suspecting something? Seriously, you're kidding right? She is cheating, cheating, cheating, cheating. Did that make it clear enough for you? Dump this bitch in the harshest way you can imagine.
  • It's a problem. She is cheating on you emotionally and the refuses to let you meet them and then lies about him. something is seriously up. yes woman are cheaters too. she is truely throwing your trust out the window.
  • yea thats a real big problem you need to get a caller id phone and when he calls or when she leaves go click redial and see how he answers then talk to him about it. You really should hit and quit it now to get something out of it
  • real problem. HOW WOULD SHE FEEL IF YOU DID THAT? She is playing a game with you....sorry!
  • Hi, Very difficult to answer - it could actually be both. I would suggest you find out exactly what's going on. Here's a story from a different blog I stumbled over this afternoon. I would suggest you do exactly what she did. Here's what I'm talking about: http://caughtmyfriendcheatingonme.blogspot.com/
  • I THINK THAT ITS A PROBLEM. IF YOU GUYS ARE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED THERE IS NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDNT BE ABLE TO MEET HER MALE FRIENDS AND SHE DEFINATELY SHOULDNT BE SO SECRETIVE. PEOPLE ARE I ONLY SECRETIVE WHEN THEY HIND SOMETHING. YOU ARE PAST DATING....YOU GUYS ARE ABOUT TO MAKE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT THERE SHOULDNT BE ANY HIDING OR SECRETS GOING ON
  • Real problem. Probably cheating or making it's way there.
  • I had a best friend for a while who was a guy. We would hang out regularly. Eventually I got a boyfriend and he wasn't happy about it. In a way though I could see why. I thought my friend was the coolest thing since sliced bread and I wanted to hang out with him as he was fun and I felt great being around him. I have to admit although nothing happened there was undertones of sexual tension. I think there always is on one side or the other or BOTH with girl/boy friendships. Just to conclude my story I never cheated on my boyf but he did with me many times. Over a year later I had a moment with my friend but it was too weird and we stayed just friends. Anyway now I'm on the other side with current boyf making girl friends and always one who becomes his closest friend. Although nothing physical is happening, doesn't mean it won't happen and doesn't mean there is nothing emotionally going on. He refuses to end any friendships but will compromise to make things easier. In my case less things I could see as flirty and more time spent with them as a couple. Anything that is secret, and she lied to you too.....all evidence shows she is doing the dirty! Go spend some time apart so she realises the seriousness of this. If she makes no effort to resolve the problem, then I guess she's not that into you! good luck!
  • '
  • (((((Extreme))))) problems...your better half should hide nothing from you good or bad, after all without you she isn't whole. obviously she might have her better half mixed up if he is he first and last thing she think of. you might want to nip that in the butt
  • Sounds like a real problem dude, you might wanna do a little PI work.
  • You have a mega-problem. I would insist on meeting the friend. If she refuses I would dump her.
  • real problem!
  • ask her about him if this gets you know where, while shes asleep check her phone. bad yes but hey she hiding shit from you. my boy was protective of his phone i found out why. if you dont want to check the phone if she lies to you or doesnt help, Bail dude. bail before you get burned. people who get burned by the one they feel is "the one" like i have will tell you getting out uncertain is better than living with the pain
  • Just like all the clichés I started to suspect something was up when my boyfriend of six months became distant and started working late. He also didn't answer the phone when I rang him, and he always had his mobile switched off when we were together. I wanted to check it for text messages but he was really protective of it. I must admit I tried to hack into his e-mail but I couldn't figure out the password. I know I should have talked to him about it but I couldn't face the showdown and guilt if he denied it. My techie friend told me that I should get his mobile phone checked out. So I brought him a new mobile for his birthday, he was gadget mad and loved it, and I assuaged my guilt by thinking that even if I found out nothing, at least he'd still like the present. I got the opportunity to use it a couple of weeks later when he said he was going to the gym, having already been earlier that day. I contacted the www.computersleuth.co.uk and had the phone checked, and it had loads of hidden text messages on it from his ex girlfriend. By the time he got home his bags were packed. He didn't have a clue what was happening when I told him to leave, and that I knew he was cheating on me. He didn't deny it. I don't feel ashamed of what I did, but I would have felt very guilty if he was innocent. If you have an inkling it's better to know. If I'd have asked him straight out, I know he would have lied to me. I didn't tell him how I'd done it but all my girlfriends knew and were very impressed.
  • Just like all the clichés I started to suspect something was up when my boyfriend of six months became distant and started working late. He also didn't answer the phone when I rang him, and he always had his mobile switched off when we were together. I wanted to check it for text messages but he was really protective of it. I must admit I tried to hack into his e-mail but I couldn't figure out the password. I know I should have talked to him about it but I couldn't face the showdown and guilt if he denied it. My techie friend told me that I should get his mobile phone checked out. So I brought him a new mobile for his birthday, he was gadget mad and loved it, and I assuaged my guilt by thinking that even if I found out nothing, at least he'd still like the present. I got the opportunity to use it a couple of weeks later when he said he was going to the gym, having already been earlier that day. I contacted the http://www.computersleuth.co.uk and had the phone checked, and it had loads of hidden text messages on it from his ex girlfriend. By the time he got home his bags were packed. He didn't have a clue what was happening when I told him to leave, and that I knew he was cheating on me. He didn't deny it. I don't feel ashamed of what I did, but I would have felt very guilty if he was innocent. If you have an inkling it's better to know. If I'd have asked him straight out, I know he would have lied to me. I didn't tell him how I'd done it but all my girlfriends knew and were very impressed. Lisa
  • Have you no pride. Loose this fiance now.
  • Secrecy in a relationship, just like the love of money, its roots is EVIL!!! Either she's with you--or GONNA be with "HIM." She needs to choose...

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