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by Answerbag Stuff on January 23rd, 2007

Answerbag Stuff

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My friends always say mean stuff. Like one says "glasses dont suit everyone" looking at my glasses.. another one said today "your faded hair color looks bad"... someone will say that my clothes look cheap... I feel so low and inferior, plz advice me

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  • by Redhawk on January 23rd, 2007

    Redhawk

    I think you need NEW FRIENDS....these people aren't being friendly...they are CAUSTIC!

    Friends are honest, but not hateful, supportive but not of things that are harmful. Friends want to see each other become successful at positive goals...not bring you down!

    I look forward to seeing and spending time with my friends....I don't worry or wonder what nasty thing they will do or say next that is hurtful or counterproductive to the friendship!

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  • by ShimmyShim on January 23rd, 2007

    ShimmyShim

    Tell them to fuck off. If they're sooo concerned about you, have them buy you contacts, buy the dye to change your hair color, and buy you more expensive clothes.

    If they don't bother, well, then there you to.

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  • by Metaphiz on January 23rd, 2007

    Metaphiz

    I cannot express strongly enough the value of having friends that love you, and not merely "like" you, just as you are.

    As to how these “friends” can be dealt with, consider this; When the mail man delivers a package, he depends on certain signs on the package to know how to handle it during delivery. If a box has no sign on it he may just toss it in the truck, and think nothing of it. However, if someone has stamped the package with FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE, he is less likely to thrashing about with it.

    Often the people closest to us do hurtful things because they do not realize how fragile we are. Much of this, of course (not all, but most), is our own fault. We like to be viewed as strong, and independent. So, like Mr. Mail Man, they tend to toss us about.

    Let them know that what they are doing makes you feel “low and inferior”. If they are truly your friends, they will care about you enough to watch how they deal with you in the future. If not, they are not your friends. Stop hanging around with them, and move on.

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  • by BabyRottweiler on April 9th, 2007

    BabyRottweiler

    DITCH THEM! If they're treating you that bad, they aren't your friends! If they really care about you, they won't do that, or they'll apologize...

    If you don't think you can give them up, tell them how it makes you feel.

    The thing is, you are the only one with the power to say how you feel. If what they're saying you makes you so miserable, tell them or leave them.

    Good Luck and Stay Strong!

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  • by This Daley has a new bundle of joy on January 23rd, 2007

    This Daley has a new bundle of joy

    This question broke my heart. Being a teenager can be both the best time of your life AND the worst. I like Redhawks answer alot, and so I will just tack my answer on from there.

    A friend may make a suggestion to you that may help or benefit you in some way. But it does not sound like these people are your friends. It is hard to just ignore them and either go it alone or get new friends (easier said than done).

    Ask yourself WHY they are saying these things to you. Are they really your friends? (We often criticize in others what we fear most about ourselves).

    If you LIKE the way you look - good for you! If you don't, and it is within your power to change it, then go for it! If you want help, ask one of your friends whose look you admire to have a make-over party or to go shopping with you.

    You can also get free advice from professionals. A Mary Kay consultant will give you a free make-over and can advise you on other things as well.

    Ultimatley, just remember, being a teenager is not forever and life WILL get better. It is not all about looks :o) Find friends who like you because they admire your mind or your sense of humor or your spirit.

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  • by asairel on January 23rd, 2007

    asairel

    tell them "hey! you don't wanna hear what i have in mind for yah, ayt?, surely! you won't like it so shut your god damn mouth!!" :p
    well seriously.. they are not a friend so why keep on hanging with them when you can find better ones :)yeah friends tells you what they need to say to improve you but not in that way so screw them up! and start improving yourself not for them but for your own :) and make them see that its not worth is to loose a friend like them coz you can find and have much better peers :)

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  • by audiogal on March 17th, 2007

    audiogal

    Boy, with friends like these!

    I would definitely find some new people to hang around. I mean, you want some honesty from your friends, but they should use constructive criticism, not tear you down.

    It may seem hard right now, but you can find other friends. There are nice people out there who will treat you better.

    Good luck

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  • by smart9426 on January 23rd, 2007

    smart9426

    You shouldnt need your friends "feedback" in order to feel good about yourself. There will always be someone who doesnt like something about you--its their problem, not yours

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  • by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on September 19th, 2007

    P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines

    A freind will tell you when your roots are showing and that maybe that outfit isn't quite right, but what these jerks are doing is not out of friendship. It's out of cruelty. It's time to find some real friends.

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  • by Red2248 on March 17th, 2007

    Red2248

    or you could do this say if i sat and found faults in you guys well i could go on for hours so why dont we just be friends and be happy we have each other and lets have fun and stop finding faults in each other friends dont do that and besides if we were all alike this would be a real dull place

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  • by JTP on December 11th, 2007

    JTP

    Friends? Sounds more like a pack of wolves.

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  • by EyePod on March 17th, 2007

    EyePod

    you need a makeover.oops another rude comment sorry.well maybe your friends notice you letting yourself go.

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  • by Red2248 on March 17th, 2007

    Red2248

    sweetie you need to find a new group of friends who like you for who u are. spoiled kids who get all they want from mom and dad.Are just that spoiled. you dont need friends like that that bring you down. you need friends u can enjoy and have fun with. blow there minds tell them you are better then they are by far and find your slef a new group of friends. good luck and remember you are buitiful the way you are.

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  • by Michellek518 on January 23rd, 2007

    Michellek518

    First off, I would revamp what you mean by "friends." Friends do not say things like that. Period.

    And secondly...most people like that often say things like that to bring any attention away from themselves or faults that they might have. Directing the insults and the comments like that your way then forces people to not see their inferiority. So, ask yourself this....who REALLY is 'Inferior" in this situation?

    Stand up for things that people say that hurt you. TELL them that you honestly don't apprieciate how they talk about you. Yes, they may talk about you because of that, but the more you stand up to that slander against you, the more they will (believe it or not) learn that you aren't one that lets that get to you.

    Don't worry. Clothes, glasses, etc., do not make a person. YOU make who you are.

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  • by itssosarah on December 14th, 2007

    itssosarah

    Friends? i think you need to find real friends that love you for who you are and not make fun of you. but if you dont wanna drop them just tell them they're jelous. lol. =]

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  • by Leorog on December 11th, 2007

    Leorog

    Some positive criticism is ok....but in this case I would either a)tell them to F..k off b)Get some new friends.....and you feel the way you want to feel...don't let anyone put you down

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  • by Tom 47 is back in his bear COAT on December 11th, 2007

    Tom 47 is back in his bear COAT

    You should not pick out something about them to "get them back". That is playing their silly, childish game. Just say, "thanks,...friend", and walk away. They are not your friend. You can do without them.

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  • by Lyk OMG itz a turtle on December 11th, 2007

    Lyk OMG itz a turtle

    That is not friend behaviour. that is not even human behaviour. When they pick out a fault, you pick one back. If they say to not do that, then they're not friends. If they back off, you've just completed the first step towards taming them. they're using you as a doormat, and that's not your job, so tell them to get stuffed. Or, when they say "Glasses don't suit everyone," tell her "Good thing they don't look awful on ME!!" or "Yeah, I"m really glad you don't have them. You'd look so ugly, no offense." She should back off then.

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  • by Costantinus on December 10th, 2007

    Costantinus

    Well...it could be that you have very bad friends who don't want you in their circle or very good ones who are being very honest.
    I'll say that "constructive criticism" is very much practiced between me and my OWN friends, I am not sure about you and YOUR friends' ways. There are different ways of interacting between friends, depending on how deep/shallow you all see friendship etc etc.
    Do they do it to each other, too? Without knowing any further if I am to be honest, I can only help after seeying a few photos of you.

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  • by madwife on December 10th, 2007

    madwife

    Let me answer your question with a question! Why do you think that you deserve friends like these? Why would you ever allow anyone to put you down this way? Why would you not tell each of them to Sc@#w Off? I feel sorry for you, I see that your self esteem is so low that you have surrounded yourself with losers that can only feel good about them selve by putting you down.

    Please, look in the mirror and tell your self that you are none of the things that your friends say you are. every morning say something possitive. I feel that there are a 1,000 angels that surround you that try to make everything true that comes out of your mouth.

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  • by Wolf Of Time on December 10th, 2007

    Wolf Of Time

    Wow, and you said they're your friends. with friends like them who needs enemies

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  • by rodschmidt on November 2nd, 2007

    rodschmidt

    Ask them why they are saying such things. Tell them: "If you go through life saying stuff like that, nobody's going to like you, and then where are you going to be? Don't you realize it pushes people away from you?"

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  • by asweetguy4u2know saya R.I.P Nelson on September 19th, 2007

    asweetguy4u2know saya R.I.P Nelson

    Your friends are a bunch of losers. Any real friends of your would not criticize in such a way. There is a way to let someone know that something doesn't suit them without being downright cruel and mean to them as your friends obviously were. It sounds to me as if your friends are just jealous. Ignore them and if I were you I would find me some friends who were capable of pointing things they didn't like about me out in a kind way not mean and cruel like them. Don't let their problem with how you look or dress become your problem. If you see nothing wrong with it just ignore them.

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  • by Anonymous on April 9th, 2007

    Anonymous

    your friends sound like assholes...if they really care about u then they wuldnt bring u down...my friends def dont....u need some new friends!!

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  • by rainbow_monkey on March 19th, 2007

    rainbow_monkey

    3 words, they aren't friends!

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  • by MaQuel on March 12th, 2007

    MaQuel

    UM, yeah these friends are not friends.
    They just use you to feel better about themselves

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  • by kat tarrin-AYPWIP on February 27th, 2007

    kat tarrin-AYPWIP

    those arnt friends those are jerks. i would say find some real friends no offence intended

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  • by Patti jo on January 24th, 2007

    Patti jo

    True friends don't treat people that way - They themseleves are insecure,get away from people who don't bring out the best in you

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  • by DavidHume on January 24th, 2007

    DavidHume

    Tell them when they say things that offend you. Say it nicely, and say it at the time, and then move on and forgive them. Some people think it's funny to say these kind of things, and they may genuinely not know they are causing offence.

    If you tell them and they still keep doing it, then I'd say they're not your friends any more and you should look for new ones.

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  • by littl_foggy on January 23rd, 2007

    littl_foggy

    tell them you feel just fine with your glasses, your hair, and your cloths. if they don't like it then they can go find a new friend.

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  • by RockAngel on January 23rd, 2007

    RockAngel

    Sometimes they may come from a home where thier parents don't show them any love, and what they really want is your approval that they matter in your eyes.

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  • by engineer is Terminator on July 30th, 2008

    engineer is Terminator

    Tell them on their face that some people dont worth looking at some thing thats Unique.

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  • by suzycue on June 18th, 2008

    suzycue

    Real friends don't say things to be mean. So....if they are hurting you on purpose, they are not your real friends.
    On the other hand,real friends tell the truth. If the glasses comment was meant to tell you that you could use some assistance next time you pick out new frames, say "Will you come with me and let's try on different frames so I can see which ones suit me best?" I'd say her comment could be interpreted as a constructive ctiticism.
    The hair comment..."OK...come with me to pick out a new colour" I'd say this could also be a constructive criticism.
    The clothes comment....if she said "your clothes look cheap"...I think that is just plain mean. If she meant your clothes may need ironing, or mending, or washing...OK, if it is the truth. Perhaps she was just clumsy in how she said it.
    When in doubt about the motive here's something to say..."Ouch...that hurt my feelings a bit...did you mean to?" You'll then get clarification - and they will get a lesson in manners or approach.
    Good luck!!

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  • by imjustme on March 17th, 2008

    imjustme

    these people are not ur friends darling, u sound lie me when i was young, but at the end of the day just remember everyone is differnt not everyone in the world likes everyone else, to the world ur just 1 person but 2 someone u are there world dont ever put ur self down, keep ur chin ur and keep smiling :-)

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  • by Galeanda on March 4th, 2008

    Galeanda

    Those are not friends. Friends respect you, support you, have fun WITH you not AT your expense.

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  • by PayPay1990 on March 4th, 2008

    PayPay1990

    should tell them I no your jelous but dont cry or thats your opinion sadly your opinion is wrong

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  • by Hmmm...... on March 1st, 2008

    Hmmm......

    Friends should encourage you. Not bring you down. Sounds like you need nice friends. Life is tough and kids can be mean. Sorry people can be so ugly. ;o)

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  • by chibi_raindrops on March 1st, 2008

    chibi_raindrops

    i am going thru the same thing. he is one of my good friends and whenever we mess around its always about making fun of me. i think that if you dont respond and maybe just agree or ..just say anything back and they should drop it. or just pretend like you didn't hear them say it. just dont give them a reaction. hope that helped. good luck

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  • by Munchkin on February 6th, 2008

    Munchkin

    Um..your friends are saying this!!! Honey they do not sound much like friends. I may detest something that my friend may wear but hell it's not like I'm gonna blurt it out! Be yourself love...ya never no...they could be jealous of your trendy style and are trying to bring you down....girls can be like that...trust me I've been there.

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  • by God'sChild1988 on January 22nd, 2008

    God'sChild1988

    to tell you the truth a person that calls you their friends but bad mouths you on and in everything you do or the way you truthfully isnt a friend at all just pray for spirit of discernment in who your friends should really be. and God will direct your path for me i would say stop hanging with those ppl cause ppl that do that are truly deeply inside are insecure about theirselves

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  • by HiiZWiiFEii313 on January 3rd, 2008

    HiiZWiiFEii313

    okay first...they may be mean but are they tellin u the truth, maybe they are just lettin u know all this so that other people wont pick on u for the same things. maybe their tellin u to just redye ur hair so that people don't make fun of u, or they are doin it to be really mean n then u just need knew friends!

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  • by cuomosgurl on January 2nd, 2008

    cuomosgurl

    These arent friends. Get new ones and leave them behind

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  • by headake on January 2nd, 2008

    headake

    well...redhawk thinks you need new friends....i just think you need new clothes....

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  • by Tussen on December 18th, 2007

    Tussen

    People who are not kind to others have bigger internal problems.

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  • by Smellycat91 on December 18th, 2007

    Smellycat91

    STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!! When your so called "friends" say stuff like that to you tell them how it makes you feel / tell them where to go!!

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  • by salesharks on December 14th, 2007

    salesharks

    don't listen to them. If you fell good about your glasses etc. then you obviously look alright. people are concious of what they look like and therefore are more harsh on themself.

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  • by Highlander is semi-retired from AB on December 11th, 2007

    Highlander is semi-retired from AB

    Speak to these people individually. Tell them that you know they are kidding around, but you don't find demeaning anyone funny (including you). Ask them to please keep this in-mind. Tell them you were going to get a coffee and if they would like one. You've said what's on your mind in a nice way and have shown you still value their friendship. :-)

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  • by A on December 11th, 2007

    A

    These are definitely not your friends based on the information you've given us thus far. I know that it's hard to find a new group of friends, but you should really consider it. If I went to your school, I'd offer you to come hang out with the people I hang out with and me. However, since I don't, I can't do this. :( I hope everything goes well! If they really hate your glasses and clothes so much, then they should buy you new ones -- otherwise, they don't hate them enough. They are most likely insecure and have nothing better to do. You're not the only one. Even I, myself, have been told things like "You need a makeover", "You need to wear makeup", "You need new clothes", "You need to dye your hair. Your hair looks too boring", and various comments like that. What did I do? I let these shallow people live their own life and slowly began to find the people who are not shallow, and now I am where I am today. I advise you to do the same. You'll be much happier that way!

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  • by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on September 19th, 2007

    DA BEN DAN yanggui zi

    ignore them..they only say it because they know it bothers you..don't give them the satisfaction

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  • by ponder on September 19th, 2007

    ponder

    when i was at school me and my "mates" would constantly diss each other. it became a habat to diss people. wasnt kewl. friends should lift you up and bring the best out of you. try talk to your friends about how you feel. or find someone who encourages you. id even try encouraging you friends you have now. you may influence them to encourage.

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