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  • Sorry this was being "spidered" so I asked the same in another question.
  • Hi - Wanted to make sure you got this. So I am putting it here in the other version of the same question. I meant no offense. Here is what I wrote: "You read that as condemning you? Please re-read. I was writing fast, I admit, but how you came to that conclusion escapes me. Especially read my last few lines. My point was simply to note, intellectually and NOT pejoratively,. what you were missing in your argument. Believe me, I intended neither to offend nor to condemn." Anyhow, I won't be around tonight - it's date night - but please know I did not intend to condemn you - and honestly, I am not sure how you came to that conclusion. One of the dangers of Internet writing I guess. Tone and sentiment can be hard to read.
    • dorat
      Just wanted to add, by the way - and here I can only speak for myself - I tend not to personalize these things. To me, especially on this site, it is purely an academic discussion. I just cannot become emotional about it. In this case, I was up VERY early this morning and wrote somewhat hastily, but I can assure you that if I wanted to condemn you, I would not be subtle about it. Please re-read what I wrote. I honestly cannot see how you would take it personally. My gf and I genuinely like you - at least insofar as one can like someone you have never met face to face - and would miss your often wise, though I hasten to add not infallible, counsel.
  • I think you should give him the satisfaction as he may even be better than your husband with some advice, plus if your husband likes her why not try and equalise the score?
    • officegirl
      Thank you for your answer. Oh no "score" - I just don't like him or the way he acts. .
  • From other posting of this question: "Just a few things. First, "fallacy of the false alternative" was not aimed at you. It is, rather, a recognized fallacy in argument. Not unlike "post hoc ergo propter hoc" and suchlike. It would never have occurred to me that you would see it as an attack. It is simply a shorthand way of identifying a flaw in an argument. You postulated an either/or and I simply pointed out that there are shades of gray. Second, I didn't identify your life as having pain and sex being how you dealt with it. You did. Third, as to analyzing everything - isn't that the point of this site? Discussion and debate and suchlike? Fourth, if we take your argument that every study starts with a point of view and is therefore somehow invalid, we could eliminate research - and indeed the scientific method altogether. Yes, most research does start with an assumption - but it is then tested against experimentation and verification. The assumption is either corroborated by the data or it is not. Fifth, actually, you fit into a certain model more than you think you do. That is hardly a bad thing. It makes you part of the human condition. Would you rather that you were not? We are all fallible and carry in us the strengths and foibles of both our ancestry and our personal past. That's a good thing. The person who separates him or herself from that usually either fancies him/herself a god or a lemming. In any case, your personal experiences are, in and of themselves, not terribly useful for analytical purposes. Test your experiences against a wider database, and then you are on to something. Anecdote is not, in and of itself, valid evidence. Finally, you suggest that I need to feel that I've won. Well, I enjoy an intellectual argument - it's part of what I do for a living - however, honestly, I don't much care if you agree with me or not. I enjoy the give and take, but if you don't agree, I love my kids, I love my gf, I have a good job, and whether you agree with me or not does not make a material difference to the things that give me happiness. Bottom line, you seem quick to take offense and to interpret things in the worst way, making no allowance for honest disagreement nor the fact that writing, however clear, especially on the internet, inevitably leaves open the risk of misinterpretation. So anyhow, no offense intended and from here on I will avoid the problem by avoiding commenting on your experiences. (Seems the safest way to go.) I'll answer your questions, but I simply will make no reference, nor respond, to your experiences, only my own and what I have learned. There is no point offending where no offense was intended, after all. Sorry to be so brief. Gotta run."
    • officegirl
      Doubt I am the only person to view my experience as central to my life whether or not it conforms to this or that wider database. You look to AB as a public forum for discussion and debate while I more use it as a means of sharing my experiences so that others will be able to benefit from them whether positively or negatively. What means the most to me is when people get something out of them beneficial they can use in living their own lives. Thank you , and your gf, for reading what I have written because however flawed and right or wrong it is my life and that is what I know.
    • dorat
      Certainly you are not the only one to view your experiences outside of any wider context. It's human nature. However, the question is - Is that a good thing? We tend to be very objective about others and subjective, not to say indulgent, about ourselves. My gf and I - and I have said this before - have gotten tremendous benefit from reading what you've written, and as I said, insofar as one can know someone over the Internet, I genuinely like you and think that you often give VERY good advice. However, if I leave your experiences by themselves, peculiar only to you, they cannot mean anything to me or anyone else. There is nothing in them to profit from because they can, BY DEFINITION, only apply to you. That is why I find it useful to place each person's experience, including my own, within some broader framework.
  • Don't force yourself to enjoy a situation you want no part in. You don't have to partake.
    • officegirl
      Thank you. Haha this really did happen a few years ago. I want my husband to be able to see people so I won't feel guilty about doing the same so we get into these couple situations. Only most of the time they are better and longer lasting for him and sometimes they do fall in love with him. While their husbands I mostly like less or they eventually lose interest in me. Don't let anyone ever tell you that in swinging (generically at least) that you "never have to do anything you don't want to do". Because you sometimes do.
  • Hail friend, well met! Looks from your last sentence like you're determined not to get things between you and him to improve. And could it be that you cannot orgasm with him because you do not WANT to orgasm with him?
    • officegirl
      Well that was exactly how I felt though since then ( all this was a few years ago) I have though under different circumstances.
    • officegirl
      Revived my old yahoo account and can be reached there until AB institutes private messaging.

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