I am a non-smoker and my girlfriend smokes when she drinks. I hate it!! It makes us fight every time she lights up. She knows i hate it and that it is affecting us. Any ideas?
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 29
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Chill out. It could be a LOT worse than cigarettes. She could be shooting heroin, or sleeping with other people. It is only when she drinks, so there's something to be greatful for. I am a smoker, by boyfriend isn't. If he started fights with me about my smoking on a regular basis, our relationship wouldn't lsat.
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Back off? She's only smoking when she drinks. Why are you so adamant about her not smoking, but you have no problem with her drinking (which is just as disgusting and unhealthy, by the way)?? SHE obviously enjoys it. Would you give up something YOU enjoy just because she hates it? I doubt that very much.
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You can't change her. I suppose you are lucky it's only when she drinks (unless she's an alcoholic off course, but then you'd have a whole other can of worms going.) If you are unable to accept that of her, you may have to move on. Sometimes, it's things like these that are the deal breakers. If you don't either choose to accept it or leave the fights could increase, you could ruin a good thing. Best to decide how much this girl means to you, and if no smoking means more, it's best to say good bye ):
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It's totally understandable that you would hate the smoking. Unfortunately, it sounds like it's more your problem than hers. It's a lifestyle choice that is apparently more important to her than how you feel about (I mean, it doesn't sound like she's addicted to it if she only does it occasionally). It might just be time for you to evaluate whether or not that is the kind of relationship you want.
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I have exactly the same problem mate. It sucks.
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the point of dating is to find what you do and do not like in a potential life-long mate. sounds like you found a big red X with this one. move on to one who doesn't smoke but has other qualities you may be looking for.
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Assuming that she had these habits before you started dating her, you should have known it would be a problem when the relationship started. Given that, if she knows it's killing the relationship and doesn't care, perhaps its time to move on anyway.
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old question.
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I recommend you find another girlfriend. She has every right to smoke, and you should not ask her to not smoke for you. I don't smoke, either, and I could never date a girl who smokes. But the problem is yours, not hers. I recommend you move on. Good luck!
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If it's a deal breaker for you, then it's time to move on. There is nothing wrong with that being a deal breaker for you and it's better you know that now instead of after you are married.
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No point in fighting about it the arguing just going to get worse , she knows how you feel, dont be around her when she is smoking and avoid kissing her properly untill she freshens her breath up as it makes you feel sick but dont fight it no one can be forced to change.
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Get over it. You sound controlling. If that's your biggest complaint about her then ur a lucky man. Unless she drinks every day, and therefore smokes everyday, why does it matter so much?
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I am in the same vote as you, but now we have a kid together, so its ten times worse. Its nasty and disgusting and selfish. No surprise I am a bit of a health freak. My advice to you is get someone new, b/c people don't change. Don't worry about me, just save yourself.
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You're not going to like this but... you KNEW she smoked when you got together. Why do you insist that she changes to fit into the mold of the girl you want to be with? If we are interested in someone we should accept what they are, not be trying to change them. You are completely out of line.
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...you cant get mad at her, its what she does. Let the woman smoke....why let something so stupid get in the way of your relationship? Expecially when she only does it while she drinks. Alot of people only smoke when they drink. Just dont kiss her, or make her brush her teeth or something. You got with her knowing it... Accept her for what she does.
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if its not an everyday thing it shudnt be such a big problem, if u really love her u can look paa that i bet there are things dat she looks pass sat gets her mad about u, if u cnt tehen is best yu guys split.. =/
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Get Over It! It's not like she does it everyday.
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either start becoming tolerant of each other, stop picking stupid little fights and love her for the reasons that you do instead of focusing so much on what you dont. Otherwise, break up.
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Just reading and analyzing the wording of your question suggests to me that the issue of smoking is just the beginning of a long list of things "I hate that you do this...and I hate that you do that!" Do the young lady a favor, break it off and go find someone who enjoys being controlled from the minute she wakes up in the morning until she has spent the whole day satisfying you at night.
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it doesnt sound like she is the one with the problem here. The issue seems to be more of an insecurity and control issue on your part. If she only smokes when ashe drinks, maybe you should BOTH quite drinking and not go to the bar. If you intend to control her "unhealthy" habit, control yours as well.
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It's really simple. It's not easy, but it's simple. Talk to her. Let her know that you're a non-smoker and her smoking is a 'deal breaker' for you, if it is. If you'd be OK with her smoking as long as she did it outside, or whatever, let her know that. If she can't live up to that, then break it off now before you're any more invested in each other. Think of it this way: assume for a moment that you two get married and 20 years from now she's still smoking and you're still hating it. You're both miserable, and likely wishing you'd found someone who didn't smoke, or in her case didn't hate that she smokes. It just doesn't make any sense to continue to try to force that relationship to work with a major issue like this between you. Better to move on and find someone else you're a better match with.
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This is a basic clash of lifestyles. You can't force her to quit her habit as she can't force you to pick it up, or even tolerate it. Break up and move on or tolerate her habits but don't force her to change. That is up to her.
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I have an idea, stop being a dick. If she wants to smoke let her smoke, if you don't like it tough. You don't get to decide if she smokes or not just because it is, for some reason, socially acceptable to give out to smokers and bother them just because you don't like it.
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everyone is making it sound like its a not a big deal that she smokes....I disagree. I am a non-smoker and I find smoking a disgusting habit. I have lots of friends that smoke and would never think less of someone for making that choice, but when its the person you are with in a relationship it's a different story. I dont want to be physical and affectionate with someone that smells and tastes like smoke, so I dont even date someone that smokes. Maybe you should give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you refuse to be physical with her anymore if she continues to smoke around you. That will let you know how much she values you and how much she values her cancer-sticks!
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i hate alcohol but i love pot. idk if shes smoking weed or cigs, but tell her to go outside if u dont like it. you can also go give her a hug and stick some nicotine patches on her neck without her noticing haha. ask her whats more important, your relationship, or her addiction.
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Stop being a pussy.
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If you care for her, accept her as is. Yes, she knows you hate it and she's still doing it. You will become her problem if you continue to fight about it.
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No, Really, I have the same problem. I can not stand smoking, and she only does it due to peer pressure. My mum + dad had the same problem, my mum asked my dad to stop or it was over. Thus he stopped, and they've never been happier.
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First thing buddy, I'm in the same shoes as you, I'm a non-smoker but my girlfriend smokes. Its not about her smoking though, we love each other a lot and so it doesn't matter, we've been together since school, six years now. Just let your girlfriend smoke and try to get over it because she won't quit she'll just think you're moaning at her.
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