I had a one night stand with a guy whom I found out later had a steady girlfriend. We now have a 3 year old son together. She still doesn't know about either of us. Do I tell her myself, or stay out of it?
by 
Cherylbine
ANSWERS: 8
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It depends on your motivation for telling her. If there is a custody or support issue that will complicate her life, then possibly yes, you should speak about it, since presumably, you will suffer if you don't speak about it. But if it's just to "out" the father, I think it's risky. It's human nature to punish the messenger of bad news. How would your son's father feel about you getting involved with him and his steady girlfriend? It's probably best for you if she finds out from somebody other than you.
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Just because you messed up your life and didn't think of the possible "what if?" syndrome. Why then should you be further irresponsible and mess up her life. LIVE WITH IT AND TEACH THE LITTLE ONE THE CORRECT WAY!
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Those aren't your only 2 choices. You could end all contact with the father and avoid the situation entirely. This wouldn't be good for the child who has a right to have contact with both parents. You could encourage the father to reveal the truth to his girlfriend. It may be difficult but avoiding the truth will only bite him in the backside in the long run - sooner or later the child will seek out his father. I am assuming that the girlfriend is still his girlfriend and that they have a committed relationship. Was she his girlfriend when the child was conceived or did they get together later and the child's existence was never revealed to her? -- Thanks so much for the update - we don't always get to follow up on these difficult situations on which we offer advice. I am apparently too late with mine, but it's good to know that the little one is on contact with his dad. May I ask whether the break-up was over the existence of the child, or would that be prying?
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OK, it was a few years ago, and it's too late to give any advice that would be meaningful for you. And good on you for finally doing the right thing by your son. But to all the other girls out there: one-night stands are never a good idea. Promiscuous sex is never a good idea. There are many good reasons for moral decency. This was just one of them.
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..................thats a maury episode.
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IF the father is paying his support and visiting the son regularly ; then stay out of HIS personal life ... BUT; tell him that one day ; he will have to tell his new wife IF he gets married about his son ... just inc case something would happen to YOU .... Now; IF he is NOT paying any support or being in the childs life ... get an attorney and sue for child support ! She'll find out then ....
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As long as you guys aren't still seeing each other in any other way than as parents of your son.. and if he's keeping up with his child support and taking care of your son the way he should, I wouldn't get into his personal business... it's really not your fault that he has a steady girlfriend...
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There are things you need to take into consideration... -Are you better off just leaving things as they are? -Can you afford to raise the child without any help from the father? -At what point, when your child grows will you tell them who their father is and why that father had no role in his life? The right thing, I think is to hold the father accountable to his son. It's not the easy, trouble-free route you seek. You shouldn't have held on to the secret for the three years you have. It should have been dealt with three years ago.
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