ANSWERS: 21
  • Have you thought of seeking therapy to find out why youre no longer happy? If you loved him when you married him, and hes still a good guy and you get along great, i would think you need to explore why you married him in the first place, if nothing changed. Then have him join you. Believe me, if you get along with some one, its worth saving the marriage.
  • I would definately try to see why you don't love him anymore, a good man is hard to find, divorce is a horrible road that brings out the worst in people and can make life very hard, I got divorced in 2003 and am still struggling financially because of what it did to my credit. Plus if you still get along there has to be something still there, it just needs a spark to ignite it again maybe...
  • if you have kids - stay with him
  • What makes you think you don't love him? I mean sometimes we think of love as fireworks and all that. When it's really kind of a comfy cozy, he's a good man and we get along great kind a thing......... And you better remember this......if you let him go, he'll be gone fast!
  • You have had some good answers so far. I was in the same boat. We went to therapy, and he decided that I was the one who needed the therapy, not him. So, I continued on. The therapist told me that he still needed to come to therapy, too, but he wouldn't. I saw a couple more therapists. I tried hard to get those feelings back that I had when we married, but just couldn't. He was a good man, but could have been more receptive to the kids when he came home from work and on the weekends and could have given up some of HIS TIME(this is what he called it) to do "family things" but became selfish. I finally asked for a separation, and we divorced a year later. Do give therapy a shot to see if can get those feelings back and to discover what brought you together. Give it a good try. Hopefully, you won't follow the same course as I did. The best to you.
  • Life is incredibly wonderful as we Learn to Live before we leave it! Love is as sure as the Seasons of the year. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. When couples meet, it is the Springtime of the relationship, when people commit and marry, they go into Spring-Summer state, children usually are a gift of this natual season.. Then Autum and Winter come, when it gets a little cold because there is a flood of work as the family encounters caring and providing for the new family. It takes both lots of time and lots of hard work and a willingness to do what needs to be done, and more so important, the 'joyful gratitude' of looking into each others eyes and loving each other more. Spring will be there around the corner...those feelings that brought you together will again shoot new young branches that will beautify your lives. This cycle will continue throughout the marriage. When the children that have been lovingly received and stop the child bearing factor (in these times, two are more than sufficient =cost-wise) People that give up on their marriage without looking ahead, may end up regretting it. Provided that there is no abuse. If there is abuse, run as fast as you can and protect yourself and your children. This applies whether husband or wife. God Bless, cordially, ac
  • Oh my if its' true ... You are lucky having a good husband..... good men are rare... and no mater hard you try to find a better one it's hard. Nobody is perfect don;t waste your life time looking better man. You need to see a counselor.
  • The fact that you have admitted it you are on the right path! I was in the same situation. I had mentally divorced my ex when out marriage was overcrowded by his mother and brother. I was unhappy and I didn't like the person I was becoming. You should always love yourself more. If you can't be happy and fullfilled how do you expect anyone to make you happy? He deserves to be loved the way you want to be loved. I said to my ex (we had a very amicable divorce btw) I love you and always will-just not enough to stay in this marriage. It took him time to get over the anger however he is much happier, married and a father of two. If i didn't let him go, he would not have been happy as he is now. Good luck
  • I imagine that's it's probably impossible to feel "in love" with your husband all the time. Whenever I hear someone speak about their marriage when they've been married a long time, I notice that many people mention bad years or periods during which they didn't feel the same about their significant others. I don't know how long you've been with your husband, or why you feel you dont love him anymore, but just bear in mind that passion and love has ebbs and tides, it can and probably will come back. But if there is another reason for being out of love with him (another man, different lifestyles, etc.) then you may have to consider that also. Good luck!
  • Follow your intuition, good luck ;0)
  • There are lots of women looking for a man like that. Believe me, they'll know how to keep him interested!
  • Stay with him!
  • I am in the same situation right now.. and honestly im very confused he is a good man.. he loves our son but he is so possessive with me.. he doesn't allow me to go out by myself or even with my friends we married at a very young age and still young at present. I always looked at him as one of my good friends..i was stayed with him because he wont let go and threat me that he'll kill himself.. i pity him so much so I stayed with him but then now something unexpected happened my first love came back he is my soulmate.. but he's thousand miles away so we just communicate through phone and msgr. but then my husband caught me.. i told him how i felt for him and wanted to be out of our marriage. but he really doesnt want to let go.. so i stayed. we're on our early twenty's only and we got engaged just after 5 mos.that were together my son is not his,, I committed a big mistake marrying him, I was pressured back then. now i dont have the strength to leave him.. i feel guilty and very very lonely that whenever i looked at him i just dont feel right..
  • If you don't love your husband I think you're foolish to stay in your marriage. Divorce is a new beginning.
  • Whoa! Therapists do not understand your unique circumstances. My wife nearly died in a car accident. I had my job at the exact same time accuse me of letting them down, which was a "save ass" by my 1 year to retirement boss. I had to pick my job over my wife for my wife and my childrens sake. She left me because I did not give her the selfish needs she required. My medical bills went way over $100,000. I said to her "you are going to throw away 19 yrs of marriage?" She has been gone a month and to tell you the truth. Maybe everyone else has had a good time ruining all I worked for, but my story will never be heard. Maybe you husband has a story.... Best of luck to you! I did what I believed was right. Maybe love is sometimes not enough!!!!
  • He's a good man and we get along great.......and?
  • If you are feeling guilty, he playing mind games. If he is possessive, he is insecure and will play to your weakness and make you feel guilty. Get out as soon as you can. See a counslor after you have filed for divorce.
  • you are ignoring the need of your kids that they want you be together , being together is reflecting the perfect feelings at them, you ignore that and i'm afraid you want to desert your husband for nothing but enjoying with someone else, this is ugly selfish Madam , you will not open but the gate of delusion and hell , then it will be too late when you wake up.
  • "Good man and get along great" Yep that describes probably most of the men you come in contact with on a daily basis. What about: Shared goals? Is he interested in and supportive of your interests? Is there anything you two do together, that is enjoyable? Do you share his interests? Are you able to communciate together? Do you actually enjoy his company? How do you feel when he comes home from work - i.e are you happy to see him or feel anxious? Does he 'turn you on' pysically? Do you share stimulating conversation? Does he praise you/appreciate you or is he negative or at best giving grunting answers (if any at all)? And best question of all - If all your relationship "problems" were solved with a magic wand solution, would you want to stay in the relationship? Good luck. Sometimes there doesn't have to be a terrible catalyst (like infidelity etc) to break a relationship. Sometimes it just doesn't "feel" right. If you can't give him love then you are depriving him of a real relationship and depriving yourself of a real relationship. A relationship is based on being able to both GIVE and RECEIVE love. If either aspect is missing, and can't be provided then it's probably time to move on for both your sakes.
  • This is an edited version of response I wrote to a similar question, but I feel that it apples to your situation as well. So the real place to start answering this question is with your partner. I mean really eventually they are going to find out so at least don't they deserve the courtesy of being given the chance to try and fix it or make it workable? Marriage is not a one sided existence and it is not something that can or should be just handily discarded. No sometimes it takes tremendous effort and hard work even pain to rekindle and rebuild a marriage if it can be. I would also state that it takes two to make a marriage work. One partner cannot make it work alone. If one of the partners cannot or will not see the problems or put out the effort to try and fix things or make them better then it really isn't a marriage is it. But I am a realist and sometimes it turns out that even when every effort has been made by the "both of you" it still remains a hollow existence, no passion, no enjoyment, nothing that makes or brings joy, and the kind thing to do is to be honest and end it. But only after every possible effort has been made by both sides to fix it, because unless you both feel the same way someone is going to be hurt. I was married to an wonderful man, he was a good father, he was loyal, he was a good friend and truly a nobel human being ... I was with him for +19 years. To everyone on the outside, ours seemed the perfect marriage... but I did not love him as woman should love a husband. It was not enough for me towards the end and no matter how hard I tried I could not live what I felt to be less than a real marriage... the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was to end the marriage and in effect hurt him. We are still good friends, our children suffered no harm, and we are both remarried and I believe that we are both happier than if we had stayed together. It is never easy to hurt a good person and everyone will tell you you're crazy to do so but if you have really tried to make it work and it doesn't and you can't live in a half marriage and be content with it then you need to follow your heart.
  • Sounds like you have a good marriage - those two things are the essentials. Why don't you "love" your husband? Sounds like you are looking either for romance or pie in the sky.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy