- NEW!
by Stableboy on December 1st, 2006
We're only letting you in because of your wife, frankly.
((St. Peter looks disgusted, then continues...))
*I* rated you DOWN, just so you know.
by ... on December 4th, 2006
"Oh dear...it looks like your subscription to LIFE has expired."
by BobSaccamano-is-back on December 3rd, 2006
"maybe we can sneak you around back"
by Sunblynd 5.0 on December 4th, 2006
Well if im at the gates of heaven it won't be St. Peter greeting me...nah...if it's heaven it would have to be St. Bob Marley... he be like, aye! aye! Yo Sunblynd bradder mon! U shor take yo sweetass time gittin up in da clouds mon, no worries mon, we gotts plenty of ho-ny's and loads off Ganja, aye itz Heven mon, yo best be gettin yo ass thru dem gates in a hurry wyle I giv de rest of dee's cracker's tha bad news yo, praise Ja!
--Not really Stableboy...actually this is the first;
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/60883
by tripwire on January 4th, 2007
St P: Name?
Me: Ahh..tripwire
St P: Purpose of visit?
Me: Whut?
St P: What are you deaf? I said,...
Me: Yeah yeah, I heard ya the first time..
St P: Well?
Me: Uhhmm, to spend eternity in peace and..
St P: Hah! You're a regular Don Rickles ain't ya?
Me: No I..
St P: 3 day pass!! Next!!
Me Hey wait a minute! What the f...
St P* What? Were you just about to use the "F" word here?
Me: NO...
*lightning strikes*
St P: Hey don't lie to me kid, alright? This is heaven here y'know?
Me: Okay, I was! Alright? Y'happy now?
St P: 2 day pass!
Me: God damn it, stop doing that!
St P: 1 day pass!!!!!
Me: Why you slimey little mutha....
St P: Okay, get him outa here!! Yo Micheal! Mike! get this guy outa here!!!...
by princessemmabelle on December 1st, 2006
"I am sorry but your name is not in my book of life!"............(an intense pause as he smiles at me)....."just kidding!"
by anonymous on December 2nd, 2006
He'd say: 'hmm... lets see here. Oh Athiest! Lovely. I've always wanted to do this.' He then takes my hand and drags me over to a place called 'Christian Cornor'. All the Christians turn, and St. Peter writes on my head in black marker pen 'Athiest'. They all start lauhing, and then all shout in unison 'Told Ya So!'
by benthere on December 1st, 2006
" How in the #### Did you get here?"
by jenniferx on December 1st, 2006
go back and try again.
by Brickson on December 9th, 2006
St. Peter says ' OK, your here, but to enter you must answer this question correctly. Now, a man got on a train from Cleveland to New York City that was travelling at 55 mph, and another man got on another train from Denver to Los Angeles that was travelling at 60 mpg....................
by justinoldguy on December 1st, 2006
"I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in without a coat and tie."
by tt010101 on December 2nd, 2006
OMG, he's here!
by needled247 on December 1st, 2006
For gods sake child you're in the presence of god take off that DAMN slayer shirt.
by Coheed on December 4th, 2006
"Oops sorry accedentaly hit the up button."
by RossManChild on December 2nd, 2006
we have the right to refuse service to anyone...
by donovan reynolds. on December 1st, 2006
"...is this... some kind of a joke?!"
by CathyS on December 31st, 2007
Do you have anything to declare?
Are you carrying any fruits, plants, or vegetables?
Has anyone other than yourself touched or had access to your luggage?
What is the purpose of your trip, personal or business?
by genx-guru on December 9th, 2006
Wow we really are lowering our standards.
by jt007m on December 2nd, 2006
No shoes, no shirt, no service... can't you read the sign?
by turbowray on December 1st, 2006
Would you step to the back of the line please.
by Firebrand on December 16th, 2006
I pray he will say COME IN and welcome your husband and son are waiting for you
( Good thing they kept a space its getting crowded in here with all these ABers)
by zazzy_one on December 10th, 2006
It was rocky there for a second. We made an exception and COUNTED your mother's vote.
by teknimage on December 9th, 2006
No matter how hard you tried, you still wound up here, huh?
by JUSTNORMAL on December 3rd, 2006
When I get to the gates, St. Peter would look at me, laugh and say "You gotta be kidding, NEXT"
by Halskiisaklink on December 2nd, 2006
You're more Muslim than Christian, so I think I can share a little secret with you: This is just where all those depraved rich Catholics go after they give all their money to the church, the real action's on the next floor, 'Islamic virgin sex orgies'. Have fun!
by Drublic on December 1st, 2006
I think you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
by grumpyt on December 1st, 2006
common, you gotta be kidding me.
by kitty loves you on December 1st, 2006
You,re a bit late Kat...
by Anonymous on February 12th, 2008
Saint Peter will probably laugh hysterically, followed by "Are You Serious " ? ! ;-)
by POLICE...IN HOT PURSUIT on February 12th, 2008
"THE FINAL INSPECTION"
The Police Officer stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.
"Step forward now, you policeman,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"
The policeman squared his shoulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.
But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.
And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.
If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand."
There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the police officer waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.
"Step forward now, you policeman,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."
by Zack on February 12th, 2008
I hope so because I always believed and I never killed anyone.
by Anonymous on October 14th, 2007
Welcome home Buddy...We've been waiting for you :)
by FadingxSmiles on January 11th, 2007
"Oh, for the love of- who keeps SENDING me these people?"
He then stands and points to an elevator. Then, in a voice that suggests he's speaking to a 3 year old, or someone who doesn't speak his language, says:
"You go dooown. See? Doooown."
____________________________Edit________________________________
Or
He looks around and says: "Okay, where's the hidden camera?"
Sorry I just had to add that :P
by Mirage V2.0 AWOL on January 3rd, 2007
COME ON IN.
THIRD times the charm.
You really got that reincarnation thing working for you now!
Of course your wife cleared the gates in two tries!
by Tantric on December 19th, 2006
Oh, It's you.
by onzanzabarsands on December 16th, 2006
You can't bring all those animals with you, you know?
And I'd say....
But there aren't any! I just smell like a pet shop! Really! (As a hamster jumps out of my pocket.)
by Fluffdragon on December 9th, 2006
Oh-my-GOD!!! Someone's actually coming!
by AntigoneRising on December 4th, 2006
"See what happens when you take hallucinogens?"
OR
"I think there has been some mistake."
by seaofgrass on December 3rd, 2006
"oh, um, i didn't expect you to reach this far. Boy, this is akward...can you...go away please? K THANKS!"
yeah, just like that
by Amber757 on December 3rd, 2006
"You don't belong uphere!"
by MIRAYAH on February 12th, 2008
with open arms and jesus handing me my son that i just recently lost
by tnobody on March 15th, 2007
I think he would say somthing like...
"!Hola! Bienvenido a cielo. Yo soy Santo Pedro, el encargado de las llaves. Yo soy muy feliz a....
Que? Tu no hablas Espanol?!?
Es un ULTRAJE! A la hoyo de infierno por Tu!
by Nom de guerre on January 2nd, 2007
WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? WHAT is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
by WussiePussieHasLetHimselfOutOfTheBag on December 26th, 2006
"Are you going to come in this time or run away laughing again?" (i never like to limit my options) ;~)
by Knopper67 on December 9th, 2006
Bathroom's that way...
by ChrisDG on December 9th, 2006
"No jeans allowed mate."
by RFlagg on December 3rd, 2006
"Hello you limey braggard. How in Heaven's name did you get up here?" "Oh I do so hate filing errors."
by Max Power on December 3rd, 2006
You're dreaming. Yoooooouuuu'rrrreee drrrreeeeeaaammmmiiiinnnnnggggg. OOOoooOOooooohh.
Now turn around and go back.
Drrrrreeeeeaaaammmmmiinnnnnggggg.
by XxSpoofiesGirlxX on December 1st, 2006
Hopefully I will live long enough to make a good impression so I am prepared to enter the agets of heaven, if I was to and successful fuifill my dream of being a doctor I hope he would say, and you were the super dooper doctor who helped people and shared your knowledge with others efficently and effectively. Good Job. Well a girl can dream that something like that would be said right..lol
by 4theyeblind on December 1st, 2006
Ahh i knew you'd correct your ways.
(at least thats what i hope he says)
How do I add my site to Deliverance Ministries?
by Answerbag Staff on August 16th, 2010
| 1 person likes this
What is the meaning of Bishop Jugis'coat of arms?
by Answerbag Staff on August 7th, 2010
| 1 person likes this
Who was St. Catherine of Siena?
by Answerbag Staff on August 2nd, 2010
| 1 person likes this
If someone comes to your door to try and sell their religion to you, do you shut the door in their face or go to the toilet? Or both?
by Kenz the Frenz on February 6th, 2012
| 4 people like this
What's the difference between a belief and an opinion? Is a "non-belief" an opinion too?
by Marky Mark on February 5th, 2012
| 3 people like this
You're reading You're at the gates of heaven. What do you think St. Peter will say to you?
- which can also be phrased in the following ways:
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Comments
hahah! Good one
by donovan reynolds. on December 1st, 2006
tee hee!
by turbowray on December 1st, 2006
Very clever. I just thought of a new one: "Stableboy, table for one? Smoking or non-smoking?"
by justinoldguy on December 2nd, 2006
Your answers crack me up. Whenever I feel like laughing, I read your stuff, son. Now get in the car so we can go home.
by Jodie44 on December 2nd, 2006
I thought we WERE home. You mean we have a 2nd home? What's the tax situation like on that?
by Stableboy on December 2nd, 2006
Hahaha!
by zazzy_one on December 10th, 2006
Good answer stableboy! I gave you points, but only because of your wife, frankly tee hee!
by turbowray on December 10th, 2006
***rolling my eyes at you*** Nice.. you're really raking up the points Stableboy. I have to tell you this sounds like something Hubby would say (and yes, I would roll my eyes at him too).
by Anonymous on December 15th, 2006
You sounded just like St. Peter for a minute there. Point is, I STILL got in. Can hubby ride on his wife's coattails, miss smartybear? :-)
by Stableboy on December 16th, 2006
When did you change your name to Frankly?
by Nulinvoid on December 20th, 2006
Yes... Yes. I believe so. Even after my younger rebellious years, I've been a pretty good bear for the most part. Plus, I have a very good insurance policy (that's going piss someone off for sure)..
by Anonymous on December 20th, 2006
I do have to say, bow2 -- I really appreciate your taking the time to talk to me about that. I've never heard this bright message of hope before. Thank you. You bring credit to your type of person.
by Stableboy on December 28th, 2006
thats funny.
by UneFille on January 27th, 2008
That's a great answer. So funny and so Christian. LOL.
by Don Gorgeous George on August 8th, 2009
It is appointed unto man but once to die then the judgement. There is no gate with St. Peter.
by skittle300 on September 23rd, 2009
Your first statement is as uncertain as your second.
by HasntBeen on September 28th, 2009