ANSWERS: 44
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  • I would think that since the wife is not a person of authority, that represents the church (like a pastor, or the youth leader him/herself), that you can not sue, but possibly press charges, depending on the age of sexual consent for your state. Is the pastor aware of this? Maybe if he was, he and her would move on, and you would at least not have to worry about your son having further contact with her. Good luck to you!
  • Ask the police (you can remain annonymous by phone) to be sure or call your local department (usually a state or county agency) of child protective services (CPS). They will what tell you the state law you are in says. If he is a minor, it is definitely against the law on her part, even if he was willing. If he was induced into it, it becomes more serious. Call one or both of those places and you will get a quick and accurate answer! Not doing anything can hurt your son in many ways, and it allows adults who take advantage of minors to get away with the crime.
  • You act like your son is innocent. What action did you take against him? He maybe a minor, but he is not stupid. Yes, the wife is at fault also. I think the best thing is to just tell your son to stay away from her and tell her to stay away from him. If that doesnt work then tell the hubby. But I would not take a chance on breaking up a marriage unless she refuses to leave your son alone. Give her a chance to make amends. This may have been her only indiscretion. Everyone is allowed one mistake. And why would you take action against the church? Did the pastor and the congregation make them have an affair? Did they drug them and put them in the same room together? Leave the pastor and the church out of it. edit: After much thought and input from turbowray, I think that maybe I may have to change my answer here. There maybe the possibility that others could be involved and that the best route would be to go directly to the youth pastor and have a conference with him about the matter. Whatever happens between him and his wife is not of your concern after that, your first priority is to your son. I would think about that.
  • This may not be a criminal issue because 17 is past the age of consent in many states. However, the church leadership definitely needs to know about the behavior of the youth minister's wife. They need to confront her for the sake of protecting other young people, for the reputation of the church, and for the redemption of her soul. That said, the 17-year old should also be held accountable for his part in the misbehavior.
  • It really has too much to do with state law to be answered precisely without more facts. How old is the wife, does she act as an authority in the relationship with your son, was it just a one time incident, or continuous relationship? ... consult a free legal service before even consider taking any action. In some states, your son may be sued for alienation of affection if the pastor couple ends up divorcing...
  • I really don't mean to be insensitive but the kid's 17. He wasn't victimized, he got laid. I would hazzard a guess that it isn't the first time he had sex either. Regardles of what he tells you. I was a 17 Y/O boy once too. Why would you ruin someone's life over this? How long until he's 18? Think about it. I certainly WOULD take action within the congregation to get the Pastor removed as he has more important things to worry about... like paying attention to his Wife but I just can't see making someone a Sex Offender for the rest of their life because your 17 year old kid got laid.
  • Biblically, no. Your position is to address the situation with both parties and come to a Chrisitian resolution- repentance and forgiveness, or(if no repentace is forthcoming)take it to the church leaders..Your son needs a clear understanding of how his actions are un-Christian. the pastors wife needs the same. God judges and condemns or not. not us.Christians do no take legal action against the church or other Christians.
  • As a mother of a 15 yr old son I think i would be very upset too but don't ruin the pastors life by having him kicked out he's not responsible for the whores actions. Your son may be your baby but he's not a baby he is taking what was given to him by that women. He does need to be aware that men kill other men every day for fooling around with their women & i wouldn't want to see him get hurt. I would talk to the husband no wait i would talk to my son & find out how long it has been going on first & if it has been for a while i think some old fashion azz kicking to the jezzabel would come to mind. But legal action come on unless he was raped I don't think i would or unless the hubby wanted to hurt ur son then i would but leave the law out of this they have better things to handle like murders * drug dealers & actual child molesters raping lil children. Good luck what ever u decide to do.
  • In most states a 17 year old is considered an adult for the sake of being able to consent to sex. Legal action would depend on the laws of your state. If she is in a position of authority over him there may be legal consequences due to her abuse of power. You would likely not be able to do anything regarding the youth pastor if he was not involved, though. Also the church is not responsible for her actions and probably cannot be held civilly liable if she doesn't have a position there.
  • I am having a hard time with the definition "inappropriate relationship". What did they do? Did they watch porn films together and masturbate in front of one another? Did she perform some type of strip tease for him while he watched? Was there physical contact? There are so many things that could fall under the "inappropriate" heading. Wish you just came out and say what they did and be more clear cut.
  • For Gods sake be sensible . Put a stop to it . If it is not abuse of a minor it is adultery and your son is a part of the problem not an innocent party. Do what you have to do but SUE ,for what? I cannot think of many 17 year old boys that would feel physically or mentally abused by the attentions of an older women.
  • a pastor's wife of all people should know better!!!! think about that! had it been a priest..............
  • Let your son have fun.It take two to party.I wouldn't take legal action against her.
  • Yes, if you can prove these allegations. i would first be absolutely sure this relationship occured, before i notified the police. Your son is still a minor and anything sexual that occured, is considered rape. First, you need make a police report. a detective will follow up on the report and talk to you and your son. The criminal aspect comes before any civil proceedings.
  • The boy is 17 he is not a child he is old enough to say no he got him some booty.as a mom i would be upset because of who it is. i would have a talk with the wife and tell her to stop or u will bring it to the attention of the church. she broke a comandment. thout shelt not commit adultery. i would remind her of this and let it go at that. I would not embaress my son. after all it does take two to tango.
  • Why take legal action? It takes two to have sex your son and another female. Perhaps the female in question is an inapprpriate person for your sone to be having sex with, but, apart from informing her you know and having a meeting with her, your son, her husband the pastor and your partner, there isw nothing else that should be done. Or do you hope to totally destroy her, her husband, the church, everybodies reputation and make money from it? How do you know that your son is not some kind of junior sexual predator who 'blackmailed' this woman into to something she may not have wanted? You could be opening a huge can of worms with this. Is that what you want? Or do you want to blindly believe that your son is the cute little angel that you cuddled all those years ago and will never change. Regardless of evidence of growing up and becoming a sexual being. what message are you sending him? That it is always the womans fault? That he is not responsible for his own actions? Your choice - just like having sex was his choice too.
  • Anyone who thinks that a 17 year old is a child where sex is concerned hasn't been in touch with teen-agers. And I don't mean in the year 2007. As far back as all time teen-agers were having sex, if not with their teachers, or pastor's wives, then with some other "older" woman. It happens, and a parent of a 17 year old should not be trying to control him or his actions. Remember, this boy can join the army. Stop being so self-righteous.
  • 17 is within the age of consent in most states (16 is the norm). In those state where it is 18, the other party must be a bit older than the "child". You'll have to specify which state you are in before you'll get an answer. This assumes that "inappropriate" refers to a sex act and not just some tight-ass opinion about the way people should act. As for a civil lawsuite, if you bring it you'll need to should that you were one of the parties who was harmed if you want to have any standing in court. This is the law's way of saying "Mind you own fucking business".
  • I would indeed bring legal action ! The youth pastor's wife should have criminal acations brought against her !!!! She is married to a man of God , how many others has she had conatct with # 1 . # 2 She is showing our youth that it is ok to have sex outside of marriage . Do you want that new generation upon your shoulders ? Bring a criminal action against her . If you haven't yet . Your son should have a good talking to also . He's a young man , and should know that this is wrong in the eyes of God . And as far as you not wanting to split up a marriage in this situation . Don't you think that should be between the husband and wife ? The husband should know about this , and then for htem to decide to get counseling or not .
  • If every time your son has sex you sue whoever it is you will be very very poor because you will lose.
  • I would not take legal action against her. Your son is 17 yrs. old, and he knows better. I think it would be good for you to have a personal talk with the youth pastors wife, and your son together. Let her and him know that this was very unappropriate and not called for. Remind her that she is married, and she made a committment to her husband. Ask her why should would go behind her husbands back. I would show mercy on her, as the Lord would show unto you and me. It's not like she made him get in the bed with her. It was his choice to. If you turn this lady in as a criminal, she will never get to be around a kid ever again! She will never have a normal life ever! Please don't do this to her, but tell her to back off, and also warn your son. Possibily think about going to a different church to. Thanks.
  • you are a church person but it seems you love trouble. this is exactly the reason i don't believe in god. throughout my life,i have observed the people that preach the word of god are the FILTHIEST.
  • How dare you! Just because your little boy is having se with an older woman doesn't mean you need to take her to court! How about correcting your son for starters, and then talk with this woman. Or do you just think there is a pot of money waiting for you because they are involved with a church? Use the courts for important issues not frivolous ones. Give your head a shake.
  • you will have to find out what the age of consent is for your state. In most states that is between 14 and 18 with 16 being the average. Also it depends on how old the woman is..if she is under 21 then most likely not...if she is over 22 then maybe (a lot of states have a 5 yrs age diff for older teens) http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-R-0376.htm gives you the state laws for each state.
  • I think that you should inform the Senior Pastor so that the Youth Pastor is removed from his position. Not as punishment, not because he was directly responsible, but because he obviously has no idea of how to see to love his wife, to see to her emotional needs--and thus in no position to be a role model to chidren. Sue? Good grief, it's not as if your son was at risk of getting pregnant. How was he harmed? Depending on the state (and the woman's age), criminal charges may be more appropriate. Hopefully at least she'll see that she needs to divorce her "fine gentleman" so that the only males available to her aren't those within the youth group. I hope that she as at least nice--and good looking.
  • Yes, you can. What she did even if he is 17 is statutory rape since I'm betting she's more then three years older then he is. She is also in a position of authority just like a teacher so she abused her athourity to get in your son's pants. The Church should also be held acciuntable for letting a predator near children. You need to call the cops and file a complaint against her. You also need to call her husband and have a meeting. He needs to know what kind of trash he's married to. What I cannot belive is the hypocracy people on here are showing. If this was a 17 year old girl and a pastor each and everyone of you would be ready to burn him to the ground. But because it's a boy this is just some right of passage. That's complete B.S. Boys can be a woman's victem just like the girls can be the guys. In fact this very attitude makes it just that much easier for them to get away with this kind of crime. It also makes it easier for boys to fall victem to this.
  • Yeah, you probably can. But I wouldn’t punish him, I'd congratulate him.
  •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
  • Take action? Are you crazy? Congratulate your son on his initiative and good luck. Give him a prize. He'll learn more from your Pastor's Wife than he will in Sunday School. (After re-reading this answer some years later, I still think it's a good answer, in spite of a recent cowardly down-grader, who D/R'ed without comment.)
  • What state are you in? The age of consent in many states is 16 or 17, which would make the actions legal. If the age of consent in your state is 18, then there isn't much you can sue for, but you can call the cops and hope they can get enough evidence to file criminal charges. Of course, if your son doesn't cooperate, this is unlikely.
  • I recently retired after 24 years in the Army. Guess what every 17 year old or 18 year old I ever met in the Army got laid in the Army and most before. Are those boys to be too young to get laid too? And if it was with the Captain's Wife would you carry on like you are? The Captain's Wife is the approximately in the same position as the Pastor's Wife. this is the twentty-first century, ain't it? As far as the arguement that if it were a girl everyone would be up in arms and have the lynch rope ready; Perhaps some would, but others would realize that a 17 year old girl is capable of making her own decisions. At least, most of us guys or girls, were.
  • a 17 year old boy knows what hes doing im sure this isnt his first time what would you think if it was the pastors teen daughter would you look at it the same way it it was my son i would let her know i know i would let both her and my son know how wrong it is and let them live with it also forgive her if you are a real christan
  • I believe the church and pastor are innocent, while your son is half responsible for this mess. Legality aside it's clearly your son and the wife who are guilty of wrongdoing. The pastor may be thinking about revenge against your son! and he is definitely more victim than culprit. You might be able to sue the wife, but forget about the church.
  • Why would you want to take action against the pastor? Isn't he a victim in all of this? A victim of his adulterous wife and your son? At 17, your son is definitely old enough to know right from wrong. He is just as guilty as the wife, and hopefully he has learned to keep his d*ck out of other people's marriages.
  • I'd give my son a hi five. You are probably just looking for money though and it is America so file a lawsuit and pretend that your son is suffering damages you pathetic loser.
  • I think the descision to take action against this woman would be based on what age your son was when the sex started ( you didn't flat out state that it was a sexual relationship, but we can only assume) If this is a recent development, in many states 17 is no longer a child in the eyes of the law. If this started when your son was say..12, i think you have a case. That being said, it may not be YOUR descision, because of his age i'm not sure that YOU can bring charges against her. He might be the only one able. Why would you want to take legal action against the chruch and pastor? Were they involved in this? If this started recently, i think the best choice of action would be to speak with teh pastor about his wife's indescresion. He would probably appreciate knowing that she cheated on him. Speak to your son about chosing age appropriate partners.
  • Take action? Why? I thought ALL Cretans, I mean Christians, were all-forgiving of human sin. Oh, wait a minute. Is it the money you're after, or is it the fact that they didn't ask you to join them for a 3-way? hehe, jest kidding. Anyhoo, I don't think it would fly Ollie. Do ya think the pastor's wife is gonna admit anything when the shit hits the fan??? Nah, she is gonna take it all with her, straight to hell. And she is the pastor's WIFE, your son is just a misguided sinner, and in satan's grip. And, he is not credible because he is just a teenager.
  • Ok, I feel the need to respond since everything I've read(the first page of answers) aren't answering your question at all. If you feel the need to act and I think you should, you have two basic catigories of action. First is Civil action, this includes speaking to the pasters wife, your son, and the paster himself. Speaking to your son will probably result in the continuing sexual relationship, due to the fact that he's not going to want to stop having sex. So we move on to speaking to the pasters wife. If she is at all worried about her husband or her marriage you might be able to convince her that stopping the relationship is the right choice. The last option is speaking to the paster. However be prepaired for a confrontation with him and his wife, if you choose to go this route you really should have some physical evidence or an admission of guilt from your son. The Second route you can choose is legally. IF you can find a district attourney that will prosocute(highly unlikely) be prepaired for an embarassing, costly, and loosing court battle. Without some form of physical evidence like photographs or video, even a confession from your son won't carry the day. The only other option is going public at the church with your accusation. I list this in the legally section because without proof, you can be sued for slander. I hope that helps.
  • It depends on the situation. In some states, 17 is over the age of consent for a sexual relationship, so it wouldn't necessarily be actionable. If the youth pastor's wife was in a position of trust, it might also be actionable. You would need to consult an attorney in the state in which you live, because every state has its own laws.
  • ..what does the church have to do with this? your talking about two people..your son and the lady..not the man or his career..also..it's inappropriate in your eyes because your the parent..but i'm sure your son didn't mind..so don't take legal action towards them when he's half to blame..think through this clearly..your gonna try to get someone in trouble for it? I don't get people these days
  • two years five months old...this question is. the pastors wife is devorced. the son joined the army out of shame and was killed when his truck rolled off a bridge.
  • If it was with the pastor. But, since it wasn't, I don't think you'd get very far. You could, of course, wreck havoc if you wanted to, but, the best thing to do for your son would be to drop it. He's old enough to be able to think it was a cool experience and not molestation or anything like that.
  • If he wasn't consenting then no. The reason I say this is that he may have had feelings for her. A very close friend of mine was 17 when he started dating a 16yr old girl. Her parents were fine with it they even knew there was sex the two got engaged but as soon as he turned 18 they filed charges and now for the rest of his life he must register himself as a sex offender. If it was against his will then yes because she is an offender if he was consenting then no. Plus he was 17 thats a year away from adult hood.
  • can see the worry. Legally you may take an action I would imagine. Or is it better to stop him somehow?

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