ANSWERS: 52
  • I'm not sure if this will help, but when I was about 16- 17, my mother allowed me to put a type of lock on my bedroom door that would click into place so that the door could be opened from the inside but could only be opened from the outside by use of a key (the kind you usually find on front doors) The key was kept on a high shelf in the living room so that both me and my mother knew where it was. The idea was that she would know when I didn't want to be disturbed, and made an agreement not to try and come in when this was the case, and also meant my little sisters couldn't come in and disturb me. However, the presence of the key meant that in an emergency- such as if she called or knocked and repeatedly received no answer, she would be able to come in. I feel like this approach created a bond of mutual trust and I probably ended up being a lot less wild and rebellious than some of my friends who's parents walked in on their daughters without warning, or insisted on constantly open doors: the result being that they simply went elsewhere to do the same things, without any parental input. If the issue concerns boys in her room, or alcohol perhaps, you should sit down and have a chat with her beforehand, draw up an agreement (it need not be written, but you could if you feel it would help) whereby you make it clear what you are and are not happy with her doing in the house, perhaps encorporating a general chat about sex or whatever to help her make responsible independent decisions and show that you understand what she's going through as a teenager, in return, you agree to respect her privacy- to always knock, not to go through her things or into her room when she's not there etc. As children enter their late teens they tend to react much better when they are given a certain amount of respect as emerging young adults who are expected to behave responsibly, rather than children who have their every move monitored.
  • No! She's living in your house and should have nothing to hide. You can respect her privacy without a lock being placed on the door. Unless you cannot show restraint from nosing through her stuff, or she has another family member stealing from her, this is a rediculous request. If the latter is true, then that issue needs to be addressed, not band-aided with a lock on her door. There are too many reasons to go into as to why this is not a good idea. The most important is the ability to maintain trust. If she thinks that she needs a lock to keep the parental units out, she has lost her trust or is doing something she knows she should not be doing. The second most important is her safety... and yours. If there were an emergency... be it fire, medical, etc. the inability to gain easy access to her for alterting of or saving from the emergency would be hindered by the lock. You do not need to take a chance on something like that, as many lives would forever be altered as a result of an issue here. DON'T DO IT, she'll be an adult soon enough. Once they move out, then they are in control of their own lives.
  • NOOOOOO!!! NEVER!!!!! I'm a teenage male and I've gotten into a girl's room without her parents never knowing a thing because she locked the door in her room.. She's only 17.. does she pay bills? Does she help with the bills? Because if she did then yes she'd be entitled to some decisions around the house but if she just sleeps and eats and pays nothing then no, your the king of the house and what you say should be iron. Don't get me wrong, she still needs her privacy. Don't go behind her back and start putting secret cameras in her room and stuff. Then you'd be crossing the line. I've come to learn that the more strict parents are on their teenage girls, the more freakish the girls become when they go off to college. So respect your privacy, let her go out and have her boyfriend or whatever... but a lock in the door? No way! And if she's attractive, more problems for you.
  • Yes, why not, and I do not think you should have a second key, regardless of what happens in her room. It is her room and she can do whatever she like in there, without you a snoopy parent or sibling interfearing what she does in there. What would happen if she is feeling a bit sexy one night or day, she locks the door, strips off, places her Ipod headphones on at full blast and starts to masturbate? How would you feel and how would she feel, if you unlocked the door and walked in while she was doing it to her-self? It is her room, even if the house belongs to you, you helped to give birth to her and helped her grow up and during that time, you had to give her a roof over her head, so it is her room.
  • No and here are the reasons why: 1. although it may give her a sense of privacy, it also gives a territorial right. she will protect this and demand everyone stay away. many domestic violence situations have occured, simply for this reason. 2. a computer, behind a locked door, is a recipe for cyber space communications, with the unknown. serial killers, serial rapists, and perverts may enter your house, without your permission. a computer, not adult supervised, is a computer link to the devil. the temptations are overwhelming. 3. a locked door, does not mean a locked window. sneaking in and out a window will be unnoticed. many children runaway unnoticed, because they were allowed a locked bedroom door. 4. a locked bedroom door, may be the key for sexual activity. again, boyfriend in and out a bedroom window and you will never know it. A locked bedroom door will disrupt your family. shutting the door tight for privacy, is okay. a locked bedroom door makes a statement from the individual involved, to the rest of the family. oh, and lets not forget the lack of safety, in case of a fire. My daughter was never allowed a locked bedroom door, nor either of my two raised grandaughters. it was not necessary then and it is not necessary now, for your daughter. stand your ground and say no. in the long run, she will respect you more. worked for us.
  • I think you should.At 17 she is a growing up. A choice liking have a lock on her door and using it same compared to some of the other choices shes going to have to make. I'm 16 and i've had a lock on my door since i was 14. It gives me my priv. time alone. I would let her..
  • This question can have different answers. Perhaps the question to ask is WHY does your 17 year old daughter want a lock on her door. If it is because her brothers and their friends keep walking in on her when she is getting dressed, a lock might be very appropriate. Or, does she like to spend time with her boyfriend in her room and she wants to lock it for privacy. This would be an absolute NO for our daughter. A lock is for the purpose of privacy and security. You must consider all of the circumstances behind a request such as this. Is her privacy being violated? Is she a trustworthy child who will not use this added level of security to do wrong things? You can use your own definition of "wrong things" to determine if you allow her to lock her doors. All in all, there can be "good" reasons to allow the lock and "bad" reasons to put the lock on. It really depends on the actual circumstances. However, the question says it is a 17 year old. You are still responsible for all that your children do up to the time they turn 18. In MY house it is MY rules and my wife and I make the final decision and the children have to live with that. No democracy here, strictly dictatorship. We look at all of the circumstances and try to make the right decision to be the best parents we can be. The decision is really yours.
  • I'm an 18-year old girl and honestly my knee-jerk reaction was "Uhm... NO!" but then I actually thought about it. Ok, there are a lot of things for you to consider here. The most important thing is what is your relationship with your daughter like? Do you feel like you can trust her? Are you suspicious of her? If yes, then why? Do you have any evidence at all to support that? If yes, then how convincing? Have you actually seen her with drugs or alcohol, or is it just a gut feeling? And honestly, how responsible is she? Second, why does she want the lock? Has she been more secretive with you or other family members lately? Or does she just want more privacy? Privacy is something everyone needs and if she constantly has younger siblings encroaching on her personal space it could slowly drive her crazy and make her hate you and the whole family. (I swear, in the case of family, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.) Your daughter is becoming an adult, like it or not, and you need to be able to trust her to handle herself. So there is no right or wrong answer here. It's something that has to be dealt with on an individual basis. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents (I'm snotty sometimes, like anyone my age, but it's not too bad) and I have a lock on my door. I only use it when I need some space and going outside is not an option. If you do get her a lock and it doesn't have a key, make sure its one of the kinds with the hole in the outer doorknob and learn how to open it from the outside with a small screw driver-like tool. Ask someone at the hardware store to help you because that explanation wasn't very clear. But please, for the love of God, don't overdo it. Let the girl have some space.
  • When I was 17 I WISH my mother let me put a lock on my door. There was no way that was going to happen. EVER
  • I would be against it. At the same time you need to find out the reason(s) that she wants the door locked and find mutually acceptable solutions to her concerns. As far as boys in her room for example. Anybody ever hear of one climbing in the window ? You as her parent need to be able to observe her while she is at home without restriction.
  • yes. i feel all teenagers need a sense of privacy and until they blow it... give it
  • Yes, my girlfriend's parents allow her to have a lock on her door, but she can only use it when changing clothes. They don't even let her keep a door closed lock-less. This makes her very frustrated because her little brother constantly pesters her. She's a great kid, all A's, the whole 9 yards. It depends on the kind, but I think people in general deserve the a little privacy.
  • If you worked out an "understanding of the lock" with her, setting ground rules for her, then it would be a privilaged agreement giving you the common mother- daughter power. For instance, showing her that you trust her enough and realize she's old enough to be trusted could boost her emotional postion towards the mutual relationship between you and her. Make any sense?
  • I always had a lock on my bedroom door. Only way to get peace and quiet and some privacy from my brother. I also had a key and locked it before going to school to keep him out of my belongings.
  • Do you agree with her reasons for wanting one? Growing up we never had locks on ANY door inside our house. There were five of us and only one bathroom, but we made it work. If a door was shut, you knocked and waited for an answer...full respect, no worries. It's all about why you need a lock and how you set up your household rules. I don't see why you need a locked door to provide privacy, unless maybe there are very young siblings that are too little to understand the rules?
  • yes. the end.
  • I would let her have a lock on her door as long as I had a key.
  • no. the fact she asked means she wants protected private time. What could she be doing that she needs a lock on her door when she has not had one this far? I'd take the door down.
  • YES, Seventeen is an age when a girl needs privacy and everyone needs their own space . I would hate not to be able to relax knowing that family members were not just going to walk into my room
  • I think that would be fine as long as she understands that you have a key to the lock. It's your house and you are responsible for it's inhabitants - to let her lock you out would in effect be ceding that responsibility. Working out exactly what circumstances would cause you to open her locked door is something the two of you would have to work out to her acceptance and your satisfaction based on trust, track record, etc. I think it's good at that age that she starts feeling trusted (if she's earned your trust) and also that she feel like her space is hers - that's part of growing up.
  • well, if you're not sure of what you think she may do while the lock is locked, don'T let her do it, if you're sure of what she could do, then let her...
  • Of course. She needs privacy, she's 17. Does that question really have to be asked?
  • Whatever you do dont
  • As some body that was a teenager only a few short years ago, I would say NO to the lock. I'm not sure of the reason for the lock, but if its because of younger siblings than maybe allow her to have a lock that is locked from the outside that she only uses when she is not around to keep them Out. My cousin is 17 and has younger siblings (8, 11). They were constantly in her room when she was not around. Her mother let her put a lock on her door, that they both had a key to so that she wasn't able to hide anything. It worked for them.
  • to keep her in, yes. to keep you out, no. dad should have a shotgun, mom should have a 9 mm glock. that should keep away the most ardent suitor.
  • At age 15, I had no privacy whatsoever in this hell house full of people I didn't like, including the devil himself in the form of my stepdad. 10 siblings, and no bedroom door at all to even put a lock on... not to mention a house full of theives. so- I was never allowed outside, save for the front porch or maybe the patch of road directly in front of the house. Boring.... I wanted to be with all the other kids my age, and I wanted to have fun- it didn't have to mean I was doing something wrong. So one day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I left. Ran for it, down the street, and found an older guy friend who offered me a ride. I had nowhere to go, so I accompanied him on his trip to another neighborhood at a friend's house. Bout half an hour away. It was pretty cool, and once we got there a bunch of other kids came over and we all took turns playing the video game hooked up to the TV, and there was a little rap studio where we took turns rhyming and battling eachother for fun. Most of the people were older than me, but I've always enjoyed an older company, and never really got along well with my own age group so it was no biggie. Time flew and I stayed out later than I should have- but didn't care. Just the freedom after being held so tightly for so long was overwhelming, and I wound up staying until like midnight. It escalated to really bad when we found out my mom had called the cops and they were searching for me. The guy I came with took me away asap, and tried to find somewhere for me to hide because I still just refused to go back to that house. We wound up driving down a little abandoned dirt road and staying the night there hoping the cops wouldn't find us. I went to my grandma's house, at 8 the next morning, and just waited for it to all come down on me. My mom showed up about 10 minutes later screaming her head off at me, and I just didn't give a crap because I had finally had some fun. I doubt I would have ever done anything like that living under different circumstances, but... that's how it went. And ya know what my punishment was? I was grounded. That was just like normal life as far as I was concerned so it just proved that I was right in my thinking that night. Note- the entire night, i didn't do anything horribly wrong besides the fact that I left. I wasn't drugged up, didn't have sex, didn't kill anyone- nothing like that. So- it may be wrong or right depending on your situation, just think about whether or not you are holding her too tight. Teenagers can be responsible, but how will they if you never give them a chance?
  • yes coz teens need their privacy as long as shes not doing anythink illegal in there, i reckon its fine lol
  • No. Absolutely not. I don't have a locked-off part of my house. Why should my kid have one? What are they hiding?
  • When I was growing up our bdrm doors had locks on them. It was good to have when my brother was trying to beat me up! :) But once I got married & got my own home, our bdrm doors didn't have locks. I never thought about it until now. My daughter never complained, but, then again, I always gave her privacy & always knocked first.
  • not to sound wack or anything. but if it is your house, then you should be able to go in any room you want to. now if you are afraid to go in there because of what you might find, then let her lock it. but if you want to know what your daughter is getting into, then dont let her do it.
  • Absolutely not!
  • NO way, I just went through this discussion with my teens, whoever's name is on the mortgage or lease will have access to all parts of the home without exception. That is how I put it and nipped it in the bud.
  • absolutely not, tell her to turn eighteen and move it if she wants more privacy
  • I think that if she feels that her privacy is being invaded then maybe she needs a lock for her peace of mind. You need to give teenagers some privacy. Not just walking in whenever you want and rifling through their stuff. It's all about respect. The more you respect her as a person the more she'll respect you.
  • No, if she's asking for a lock she's probably trying to hide something from you. It's your home and as a parent you have a right to enter anytime.
  • In every building which I own or for which I am responsible - including the rooms we rent out at our church, I require that a key be kept where I can get it. If I am responsible for the fires safety of a building (to cite just one example), I must have access in the event of an emergency. Your daughter wants privacy and you can give it to her to the extent you think that she is responsible enough to handle it, but it must be conditional and you must have the key.
  • I had a lock on my door when I was 16, and it wasn't because I was hiding something from my parents, but because I wanted my own space and didn't want my siblings to mess with my expensive laptop that I paid for on my own. I also wanted my privacy, in order to get dressed, sleep in my boxers, etc. I think that giving that bit of privacy also allowed me to respect my parents more, because they saw me as an adult and not an irresponsible child. I say go for it.
  • YES!! DEFINITELY YES!! As a teenager myself, you will NOT believe how frustrated i was before I convinced my parents to get me a lock for my bedroom door. And you know what? The more they disagreed, the more I felt that they thought they couldn't trust me, and that made me really angry. Also, it is frustrating beyond words, when you're trying to change or do something private when a parent comes barging through the door and rifling through your belongings. A teenager is changing. Especiallly the female variety. Their body is changing and they would like privacy of it as much as an adult would. But going beyond the physical reasons, it really does make me feel fiery when a parent shows no respect for my privacy. It's just common courtesy isn't it? Even if it is their home, my room was granted to me as a place where I could be alone. It is MY personal space, and I would not like to have it invaded. I could go on and on but I think i have made my point how frustrating it is to have parents who can't respect a teenager's privacy. also, if you're worried that she's masturbating or something in there, well that is not the parent's decision to make, wjether she can do it or not. It is NOT harmful, it CANNOT make her preganant, and the majority of all females masturbate one time or another. If your daughter wants this, it is her decision to make. So I think I have made my point clear here. GET HER HER OWN LOCK. NOW!!!
  • yes, but is this to keep you out or her in.
  • No, you should not. It's just an invitation for trouble. Tell her she wants a lock then she can get one in a year when she moves out. You need to explain to her that it is your house and you will have access to every room of it. At any time you feel nessary. Your daughter needs to learn that's the way real life works. You want privacy it's going to cost you, you don't always get what you want, and privalges have to be earned. Even my land lord has a key to my apartment. She can come in my home anytime she wants with cause. And that's weather I'm home or not.
  • it's a part of independence and she needs to be allowed to learn responsible independence before she is throw into the big cold world.
  • Sure. It's only fair that her boyfriend has time to get out of the window before she unlocks the door to allow you to enter.
  • If she were my daughter, i would say no. For what reason would she want to lock her door? My almost 17 year old son has his privacy, i knock before i enter his room, i dont just barge in and he is happy with that. I do have a daughter who is much younger, but i dont think i would let her have a lock. In our house the doors are all open, everyone has their own space and everyone respects that. In my opinion, which may be wrong of course, the only reason someone would want to lock their door is because they are doing something which they shouldnt. If she feels she isnt getting her privacy and needs space, tell her to get a job and a flat of her own, then she can have all the locks in the world. I certainly would not allow a 17 year old to dictate to me what she does and does not want. You after all are paying for her keep, clothing, food etc. Im not a strict mum, but a fair one. My son has freedom, his friends stay over, even his g/f stays over but locks on doors apart from in the bathroom are a NO NO. Apart from anything what if there was a fire during the night????
  • Only if you the parents have the other key to it....M.C.S.
  • Am an 18 year old and i've always been allowed a lock on my room door since forever. To me, it seems like you dont trust your daughter enough to give her a key and almost expect her to do something wrong..... What about changing clothes, personal hygenie, just having that space thats hers? Personally i think you should give her a key. i'll trust her more and she'll respect the fact that you do
  • Trust is a two-way street. If you have raised your child respecting his/her privacy and not constantly invading his/her territory, I would think a closed door, lock or no lock, would suffice. If there is no trust between parent and child all the locks in the world won't keep out invasion.
  • No , just simply stop nicking her stuff.
  • I'd say, yes only if you can have one on the outside too... if she can lock you out, you should be able to lock her in... see what she thinks to that x
  • It might be beneficial to ascertain why she wants the lock (she might have a good reason). Perhaps younger siblings are tearing her room apart, getting into things, etc., or she feels insecure for some reason. If she just wants to shut herself off from the rest of the family, I'd go with Amy Jane's suggestion.
  • Keep an eye on her if you do. When my mother let me put a lock on my door, I started have boys over more often and doing drugs in my room.
  • If she wants one, sure. But you have a key for emergencies!

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy