P 5 T - it confuses people because they have no idea it stands for "pitifully poor protoplasm poorly put together".

Loser Pants

One of my friends families when their're joking around and using silly names they use ones like cat box breath oooooowwwww groooosss just think what you would have to DO to get cat box breath

How about Knuckle-head? LOL!!! :D Great question!

I actually like her choices. Not offensive or cruel, and they can be said in such a manner that they show her intellect and sophistication. Only numbskulls resort to foul language.

I'm kinda fond of the classics: Dirtbag Shithead Bottlenose Liver lips

Mint Flavored Yeast Infected Cum Bubble always works.

Mr. Poopy Pants It's hard to be mean with insulting names without being vulgar or obscene. Otherwise, you've got to do some more work, like "somewhere, a village is missing its idiot" or other choice sentences that leave no doubt about the target's position in the world.

F**kwit is one I use frequently. Don't know if she would be inclined to use it though.

How about, "If you had a brain you would be dangerous"

OK, let me ask you this: Do you REALLY want a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer to give you some put downs? Because I can guarantee they won't be pretty... :):)

You could always go with Roald Dahl's expletives used to describe the nemesis' of the OompaLoompas. Snozzwangers, Hornswogglers, Whangdoodles, and Vermicious Knids. 03:00-03:20/

Fucknut, spunk bubble, jism monkey.

Monkey butt? I use meanie head too...what's wrong with meanie head? lol

Here are quite a few I've received in email in the past. I'm sure she could find some in here to adapt to the situations: Comments That Actually Appeared On Job-Evaluation Forms (Clap your hands if you really believe that.) 1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. 3. A room temperature IQ. 4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. 5. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 6. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. 7. A prime candidate for natural deselection. 8. Bright as Alaska in December. 9. One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests. 10. Donated his body to science before he was done using it. 11. Fell out of the family tree. 12. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 13. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. 14. He's so dense, light bends around him. 15. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. 16. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 17. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. 18. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 19. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. 20. One neuron short of a synapse. 21. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. 22. Takes him 1-1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes. 23. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead ---------- Insults With Style (Ok. Not ALL of these have to do with Stoopid, but the majority do. Have fun with the others.) 1. Body by Fisher -- brains by Mattel 2. A brain like a BB in a boxcar. 3. A couplet short of a sonnet. 4. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder 5. A few peas short of a pod 6. A few revisions behind. 7. A few tiles missing from his shuttle 8. A few tiles short of a successful re-entry 9. A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree. 10. A handle short of a suitcase. 11. A lap behind the field. 12. A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body 13. A prime candidate for retroactive birth control 14. A semitone flat on the high notes. 15. A square with only three sides. 16. A teapot with a cracked lid. 17. A titanic intellect ... In a world full of icebergs. 18. A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world. 19. A violin minus the bow. 20. A wind-up clock without a key. 21. All booster, no payload. 22. All crown, no filling. 23. All hammer, no nail. 24. All missile, no warhead. 25. All shot, no powder. 26. All the lights don't shine in her marquee. 27. All wax and no wick. 28. Always in the right place at the wrong time. 29. Always sharpening his sleeping skills. 30. An early example of the Peter Principle. 31. An ego like a black hole. 32. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 33. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. 34. As bright as a nightlight 35. As sharp as a marble 36. Attic's a little dusty. 37. Bad spot on the disk. 38. Batteries not included. 39. Been napping in front of the ion shield again. 40. Been playing in the pharmacy section again. 41. Been short on oxygen a little too long 42. Been using her head as a mass driver. 43. Blew his O-rings. 44. Blew the hatch before the lock sealed. 45. Blown/leaking head gasket. 46. Born during low tide in the gene pool 47. Born ugly and built to last. 48. Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat. 49. Brain transplant donor. 50. Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint. 51. Bubbles in her think tank. 52. Chimney's clogged. 53. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box. 54. Doesn't have all his groceries in the same bag. 55. Doesn't have elastic in both of his socks. 56. Doesn't have his belt through all the loops. 57. Downhill skiing in Iowa. 58. Driving with two wheels in the sand. 59. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group. 60. Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing. 61. Four cents short of a nickel. 62. Gasoline engine, diesel fuel. 63. Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt. 64. Has his solar panels aimed at the moon. 65. Has it floored in neutral. 66. Has only one chopstick in the chowmein. 67. Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut. 68. He's so dense, light bends around him. 69. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 70. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 71. If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock. 72. If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable. 73. Knitting with only one needle. 74. Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum. 75. No filter in the coffee maker. 76. No hay in the loft. 77. On the batting end of a no-hitter. 78. Overdue for reincarnation. 79. Paralyzed from the neck up. 80. Receiver is off the hook. 81. Skating on the wrong side of the ice. 82. Slinky's kinked. 83. Some Assembly Required. 84. Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder. 85. Surfing in Nebraska. 86. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead. 87. Wasn't strapped in during launch. 88. Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook ----------

Living brain donor Waste of oxygen Motard(combining moron and retard{Thanks Nitroduck}) Numbnuts Retread Dingleberry ...those are the only 'nice' ones I can think of at the moment...