ANSWERS: 24
  • Sweetie ~ Don't worry, everyone goes through this. If he broke up with you than it obviously wasn't meant to be. Broken hearts will heal with time. Believe me, there is someone else out there for you. There are MILLIONS of people in this world. Your just used to him and that is why you are reflecting on all of the letters, etc. Eventually you'll get used to your new life without him and that will become normal to you. Focus on yourself and not him! Make a list of things that make you feel accomplished and proceed with those things..
  • 6 months, thats nothing. I know that may seem like a long time, but trust me, it isn't. You will have many more relationships like that before you find someone to settle down with. Sounds like you must be a teen, with that kind of thinking. I can 80% guarantee you that you will not end up forever with anyone you know from high school. So relax, and stop taking things so seriously. If you really are a teen then like it or not you have absolutely no idea what love really is anyway.
  • Sorry for the break up but it happens. I would get rid of the things he gave you. If you don't want to throw them away. Stuff them in a box and hide it. I usually forget where I put it later anyway. I personally burned everything my ex's gave me or threw them away.
  • you will get through it. you WILL.... youre stronger than you think. get comfortable with being by yourself....like be okay spending a night alone inwatching movies or something you enjoy doing. go out with supportive friends. you will get through it
  • Oh my. First off, throw all that shit out. Pictures, letters, anything that reminds you of him. Thats your first step. Just do it. Then, start going out more. With friends, alone. Doesn't matter. Did you really want to be with someone who doesn't care enough to work through your problems anyway??
  • Honey, if that's how he treats you after six months, you deserve better. Don't worry about him. You will get by without him. As for the papers and letters - burn them. It sounds horrific to you right now, but it's for the best. You'll be okay soon. And you'll find someone who treats you better. *hug*
  • First thing: you CAN live without him. I went through a similar situation, but I was with the person a lot longer than 6 months. The thing that got me through, is that my ex wasn't the person I thought he was. If your bf can just throw everything away and walk away, do you really want to be with someone like that? What helped me, was knowing that I am MUCH better off without him and that I was moving to a better place. You don't want to be with someone like that. This is what I did: get rid of everything that reminds you of him. If it's too painful to go through now, put it away and go through it later. It will make you feel good to know that you have moved beyond this. Life does go on beyond this and I am living proof of that.
  • You don't have to forget him. You just have to learn to look back on your time together as a learning experience and as a happy time in your life. No regrets. Move on from this with a better knowledge of who you are, what you want, and how to get along with another person for extended periods of intimate time together. There are more fish in the sea, as the saying goes.
  • ayten: I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I've been in that situation where you hurt really badly after being broken up with and it's all you can think about. There was a time about six or seven months ago when you carried on with your life without this guy. You adapted to life with him but now you're back where you started. As discouraging as that may feel now, what I want you to pull from is that you do know that you can carry on with your life without him around. You've already done it. Others here have suggested that you throw all the letters, etc., away that the guy gave you. I would agree inasmuch as you should try to stop looking at them. If it feels too hard to throw them out then maybe you can put them in a box and give them to a friend to hold on to for you. Another idea: it's important to take things as absolutely gradually as you need to right now. Break your days down into as small increments as you need to. If that's by the hour, fine. If it's by the minute, that's fine, too. When you set your sites very short-term, things can be easier to manage. If you're having trouble getting out of bed then you break it down into small steps to accomplish it. I have every confidence you'll get through this. Give yourself some time to hurt but do what you can to keep from letting it knock you on your butt such that you can't get up. Good luck.
  • First of all, obviously, you aren't alone. It's happened to a lot of people, male and female. Second, STOP reading those things, pack them all up and put them away. Then stay away from them. They're memorabilia, now. Believe it or not, years from now, you'll read them, remember the good times you had together, how much of a jerk he was for breaking up with you, and wonder why you were so upset about it. Believe me, I know - BTDT. Third, start writing. Poems, songs, stories, journal entries, whatever. Write about your feelings - even letters to him you will NEVER send. As soon as you write the letters (if you do) pack them into the same file/box that you put the other stuff, and forget them. The others are more cathartic. They REQUIRE you to get things straight in your mind to write something cohesive. Do it on the computer, so you can move sentences and paragraphs around if you need to. Fourth, DO NOT listen to sad songs unless you feel you NEED to cry. Listen to "happy" songs and comedy CDs - anything that made you laugh before. Watch comedies and "escapist" movies that don't have a lot of love scenes and angst in them. And give yourself permission to laugh. Fifth, if you don't already know, find something you LIKE to do, and throw yourself into it and into your work. Keep yourself busy, so you CAN'T think of the break up. Sixth, if you have TRUE friends, mutual or not, talk to them. LISTEN to them. Be aware that some will drop away, because they can't handle your talking and crying about him all the time. To me, they aren't TRUE friends. Seventh, STAY AWAY from drugs and alcohol, cutting and thoughts of suicide. If you have a problem with ANY of these, call a local crisis center. They have expertise to help you through. For that matter, if you feel the need to talk to someone when you know everyone else is gone or asleep, call the crisis center anyway. They are trained to listen. And don't forget that suicide will not only hurt HIM, but your family and everyone else you know, and even people you don't know, and those you do not know YET, who would have LOVED to know you. Eighth, DO NOT jump into a new relationship with ANYONE until you know you're over him. While it MIGHT be something worthwhile and lasting, you have to make sure you're not in it "on the rebound", maybe to try to make the first guy jealous. YOU don't want to cause the same hurt you're going through to someone else, right? Ninth, TAKE CARE OF YOUSELF. Eat normally (or maybe even healthier), sleep when you can (write when you can't), don't blow off school or work, pay your bills, etc. You will not be helping yourself, or "show" ANYbody, if you get sick for not doing something you should, or do something you shouldn't. You've lost someone you love. There's a grief process you MUST go through before you feel better. The problem here, is that there's always the possibility that the person can come back. If he wants to, DO NOT allow him to until you're over the break up, otherwise, he will be hitting you when you are vulnerable to it, and if he does it again, you may have to start the whole process over again. If that does happen after you've finished the process, it will still hurt, but will be MUCH easier to deal with. It's hard, I know, and it will take a while. For me, it was 2-3 months. For others, it's a shorter time or a longer time. BUT, things DO get better. Good luck. Get a hug from a TRUE friend. It helps. ;-)
  • The best advice I can give you is to keep your mind occupied on other things. Try going out and hanging out with your friends, anything but staying home and thinking and reminiscing, that's the worse thing you can do. You will never move on if you don't make an attempt at it.
  • put all of that stuff in a box and keep it far from your reach. Go out and have fun with your friends - keep yourself as busy as you can be. Even date if you want to! will give you confidence and a good time, and a chance to meet new exciting people... :) Life moves on and every day it will get better. Time is the no.1 healer. Even if things seem hard now. Remember the positive things you got from the relationship, and remember that loads of people are going through the same thing. You are not alone! Best wishes
  • Box all that up with the determination and will to stop suffering over your suffering. This is on my fridge: There's no man alive worth crying over and a good one won't make you want to. How long would you cry over milk that had gone bad before you went out and got yourself some fresh, wholesome milk? You can do it, you just have to decide to. Oh, and about that box of letters and presents? Burn 'em in a symbolic gesture of never giving anyone the power to reduce you to your current state again.
  • I am going through a similar situation. My gf broke up with me after 7 months and its been 3 weeks since then. I'm totally busted up about it. I think about her every second. She ended it because she is leaving in 4 months to be a nurse overseas and she doesn't want to get too attached between now and then. I don't know whether to believe that or not. It feels like it will never get better. But it does, patience is power. Surround yourself with people, you will get over this. I'm hurting too, but I know that this too shall pass. We shall both meet someone new and love again. For now, treat yourself right, know that you are amazing on your own. Things will get better:)
  • Time will kill the pain.
  • I know exactly how you feel. The first true love that I had broke up with me while I was in school. We dated for two years, and just up and said he didn't want to be with me anymore. I thought my world ended. I couldn't even go to work or class without crying. I promise you it will get better. I cried for a couple of weeks then started to get my life back because I asked myself why am I giving someone my tears who doesn't even love me anymore? I told myself he did not deserve my tears. I will give you advice on something from experience. Do not call him, it will only make him mad, and do not get into a relationship, it will only cause a mess. Be single and be with your friends, and enjoy life. You will find that someone special, and believe when you are ready and you do find that someone, you will not even think of the guy that broke up with you. Oh and put all the stuff that reminds you of him in a box and tape it up and put it somewhere you kind not look at it for a long time. You will laugh at it one day :) Good luck
  • big daddy ur really the best thanks for ur comment it really help a lot. i know it's really hard because of our emotions..i know everything will get better..we should be strong.
  • Thanks for what you wrote, BigDaddy. I'm about 80% over him... will a new relationship make me over him 100%?
  • you obviously love him, and still will for a long time......there is a saying, "don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened".......i have been through a lot of failed relationships.....it happens.......you should be fine...keep your chin up and take care....Brian.....
  • I got you beat. I was married for 6 years. carried her burden that entire time spent thousands of hours in the hospital with her. accepted her inability to contribute. forgave 2 cyber affairs... then one day while she was out of town on another one of her hospital visits she called me up to say "I am moving to kentucky with adrien, we are comming home to get jacob and my clothes" (just a week before she was cybering with someone else) I said "hell no" she abandoned the family vehicle where it was... 150 miles from her parents house where we were living. I cried over her for 6 weeks begging her to come home then over a period of 3 days got over her and knew this was the best gift she has ever given me.
  • I feel the same way today and can sympathize.
  • First... you need to stop torchering yourself by looking at all the things that remind you of him. If you want to get over him looking at all the things that break your heart isn't goint to help. I know it's hard to deal with a break up but you will make it. Don't look at it as the end of the world... look at it as he wasn't good enough for you and you can find better. Imagine trying to drive a car while your staring into the rear view mirror. You will wreck if you keep looking back right? You have to see what is ahead of you. So stop looking at the past and look towards what is ahead of you... or your going to continue to be a wreck.
  • First thing burn the letters or u will always go back and read them,let go of everything you had with him when u were together,by time you will forget,sorry for cause i know how that feels.
  • You're going through the grieving processs, and it sounds like you're in the most painful stage right now. Eventually you will reach the final stage of grief which is acceptance. To minimize your pain, you need to continue with your life and resume your normal activities as much as possible. It doesn't help to try to forget him (and how can you forget him when your thinking about forgetting him?). Just let time ease the pain. If you can't get back to normal on you own, then seek grief counseling. Take care.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy