ANSWERS: 25
  • Oh dear god. Self-harm is not 'cool' or 'emo', it sounds like this person has a LOT of growing up to do. If they refuse help, I would tell their parents or whoever is responsible for them. You could also try giving them some leaflets or website address of help groups. There are lots of sites that give advice to friends of self-harmers too, like this one http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/onelife/health/healthy_mind/selfharm2.shtml and this one http://www.thesite.org.uk/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/supportingaselfharmer Most people self-harm because they are experiencing problems with depression, but if they are self-harming because they think it's 'cool' and 'emo' *shakes head in disbelief* then I don't know how much you can do, apart from take away their emo CDs and replace them with something a bit more cheerful.
  • Try to convince them by letting them know that what they r doing is nothing but stupidity and we should always carry out things wisely instead of taking it emotionally.Weak r the once who r emotional because they r the slaves of their emotions.every human life is special and has something worthy and special here to do.when we stop thinking about oursel;ves we start seeing the Truth,the real world.if still they dont get convinced call some authority who can solve the problem like their parents or police or the hospital.call the ambulance as soon as possible
  • Try to convince them by letting them know that what they r doing is nothing but stupidity and we should always carry out things wisely instead of taking it emotionally.Weak r the once who r emotional because they r the slaves of their emotions.every human life is special and has something worthy and special here to do.when we stop thinking about oursel;ves we start seeing the Truth,the real world.if still they dont get convinced call some authority who can solve the problem like their parents or police or the hospital.call the ambulance as soon as possible.its a form of psychosis.must see a psychatrist as soon as possible.
  • First of all, they haven't convinced themselves that it doesn't matter and that it's cool. That's a front. They know it's wrong, unless there is a severe abnormality in their brain that makes them think self mutilation is a good thing. There's no sure fire way to stop anyone from doing something, the choice is ultimately theirs, unless you take away their ability to do it by forcefully and physically imposing your will on them. The best you can do is have a serious heart to heart talk, tell them how you feel, how others who care about them feel, educate them, find the root cause of the behavior and try to pursuade them to work with a professional in solving the underlying problem, and if you can't do it by yourself then employ as much help as necessary including family and friends, law enforcement, doctors, religious figures. When you truly care for someone giving up is never an option, whatever it takes.
  • okay, if this person won't get the professional help she needs nor listen to you, use the bit of psychology you individually possess to figure out what the root of the problem is, besides hurting herself, what triggers her action. However, I am a strong believer of getting a professional involved in situations that are beyond my control but that's me...
  • Well first of all, self mutilation is ridiculous. Tell her that it is stupid to do something to be considered a part of a clique or group, just because it is asssociated with them doing it. Just because it is said that emo people all cut themselves doesn't make it true. Tell your friend, if nothing else, that she is trying too hard to be something they aren't. It's like someone who wants to be skater smoking pot and listening to classic rock music or something... I know, not the greatest example, but I've seen it happen. Secondly,If the wrong person finds out, your friend could be in a lot of trouble as far as sticky situations can go. I knew a girl who used to be in another crappy group of friends and they would all cut themselves and be gothic or whatever it was they were trying to achieve. The wore the "bondage" pants and dyed their hair black and cut themselves. It was the stupidest thing I saw. How did this get them in throuble? Well being so proud of who they thought they were, someone eventually found out that they were cutting. They told another person, who told another person, who told another. By now the whole school knows, and this now includes staff. When teachers or whoever hears about this, they are required to report it to someone. The students will be confronted, the parents will know, and people will conclude that they are suicidal and need medical attention. One of the girls in the group was removed from our school. Lastly, most music in the "emo" or "screamo" genre does not support or agree with cutting. When these instances are heard in the lyrics, it is usually metaphoric or just what the lyrics say. Hawthorne Heights says "cut my wrists and black my eyes" and in their booklet, it was a metaphor. They are considered emo music so thought I'd include that. I don't really understand why the msuicans include this in their lyrics if they don't support it, but I didn't write them so whatever. I listen to emo music all of the time. I am not trying to act emo or look the part. Your friend doesn't have to be emo to listen to the music if that if what she thinks. I swear, some people shouldn't listen to it, though, if they are going to go overboard with it, because this is what is happening to a lot of my friends. Not to be offensive or anything, just what I think. Tell them that if she keeps on doing this, you will have to tell someone because you are concerned (you don't even have to tell) because if your friend listens to you, then she will stop. No one likes to think they are going to be exposed...
  • Cutting is a very serious problem. Most people who have depression alone do not cut. They may be suicidal but they don't usually self-harm. Self-harm behaviors is a sign that there is something else going on besides depression. It is a very hard problem to treat and going to the parents is not always the right thing as it is SOMETIMES not always a sign of severe abuse. If you don't know the parents well I would try to talk to someone at school or call the local crisis line for advice. This is not something for you to handle on your own.
  • You are probably not going to convince a "cutter" that what they are doing is stupid. True cutting is a way these people "release" highly charged and volatile emotions. Some cutters find the act enjoyable in that it releases the anxiety/tension. Easier said than done- the person needs professional help. This might be accomplished by having a close, trusted friend intervene. BTW, what is an "Emo?"
  • You guys have no idea why people cut themselves regularly. My best friend has just started and she does it to release emotions not trying to kill herself. She is one of the worst case's i have seen. Seriously, you need to know the facts before approaching them about the issue.
  • As someone who suffers with the problem, and tries her utmost to hide it becasue I'm so ashamed that I have to do it, I find it sickening that someone would do it to be cool, it's not cool at all, and if they don't feel the release of emotions, and feel so much better after doing it, then they obviously don't need to do it. I don't choose to do it, it just happens when i'm that low, I wish it didn't... in fact it would be cool if i didnt do it! If you want to talk at all, I'll be around if you need a friend. x
  • For some unknown reason cutting became cool, when being used for cool it's more of a WOW a shock reason, used only to get the attention they so badly are starved for. The more attention they get the better they like it. I want to make this VERY clear, I said the people who do it to be cool!!!!! This person is a copy cat, no idenity of their own. No attention, no problam.
  • Come on!! self harm its not about being cool or emo its not a behavior that you should have just to fit in a certain group. self harm goes beyond that so i think you should say to your friend that if he/she needs to do that just to fit in a society label its not worth it cause it can become an addiction and its not going to be cool anymore. trust me i know.
  • stop giving them attention entirely...thats all a cutter wants. stop paying attention and the cutting will stop. guaranteed
  • I think it depends on the reason for the self-harm. Some people hurt themselves to bring attention to themselves and others do it because they truly hate themselves. The attention seekers can be helped by being given attention. I have a friend who is aged 50+ and she has been doing this on and off since her teens. She has been into psychiatric hospitals quite a few times and hasn't really moved forward. If professional help hasn't helped I don't see how we, as lay people can. This is a mental illness and can only be resolved by professional help, if indeed it can be resolved.
  • Go to the school counselor. I just found out my 13yo daughter is cutting herself. She comes from a good home with both parents married. Mom is at home and dad works a regular shift and is part of the scool community council. We go to church every Sunday and do things together as a family on the weekends. This child is not abused in any way, or emotionally neglected. She just started 7th grade in a Jr. High school. Up to this point she has been a dream child; good grades, sweet and kind to parents and siblings. We had a talk about it and I found that one of her friends is "emo" and has been cutting herself. My daughter decided to try it to impress this friend. Apparently this was 2-3 months ago. The second time she did this was last week, because there is a boy that she likes who only wanted to be friends (she isn't allowed to date until she is 16, so this is a whole other issue) and she was so persistent that he started ignoring her, so she cut herself and showed him to get attention from him. She hid it from family and kids in her church youth group, but showed everyone else at school. Anyway, I wish someone had told the school counselor that this was a problem among some of the kids at school. I could have talked to her months ago and maybe prevented it from happening to begin with. This little fashion statement of hers isn't going to go away for a long time, if at all. She is probably going to have scars and it is all resulting from wanting to impress her friends so badly. Anyway, now I am going to get her out of the classes that she is in with these kids when school is open next. If I can't do that, I'll home school her for the rest of the school year. I enrolled her in a private school for next year and I have her in counseling starting tonight. This all could have been avoided with a talk if someone had reported this behavior to the counselor.
  • Tell them if they want to cut themselves & die that they will not go to heaven
  • Ignore them and they will not do it. It is like handing someone a gun who says there going to kill their self, if someone wants to kill their self, they will not tell you, they will kill their self. Cutting is simalar to getting a tattoo, they want attention badly, give them attention for cutting themselves and you make the problem worse.
  • You say they don't listen to you, but do they ever try to talk to you about why they like being an emo, and if so, do you listen and seriously considder what they say? If they do talk, but you don't listen, how can you expect them to listen to you? If they don't talk to you about it, let them know that you want to know about them and that you won't judge them if they open up to you. When you lead an alternative lifestyle you soon learn that it is not worth talking to people who have already made up their minds that you're lifestyle is wrong. If you let this person know that you don't understand their lifestyle, but you are willing to learn about it and potentially accept them for who they are (in this case, a cutter), then you have a far better chance of them opening up to you. If you present yourself as an unwavering challenge to their lifestyle, they will lock you out and ignore you as best they can. Once you know a bit more about why they like cutting, or what the get out of it, you might be able to think up some way for them to get the same benefits, without having to cut themselves. See if you can get them to try this out and perhaps they will find it preferable to cutting.
  • what u sould do is show them picturse of wat is does 2 u and show how it distoros ur life ...that is wat my friend did for me and i stop but u need to be there every step of the way u r helping them
  • I wish all questions were this easy to answer. Take's a bit of force....but you will be thanked in the end. Get some friends to hold this someone down & place some quality headphones on the dude. Previously record " Always look on the bright side of life " from 'Monty Python'........volume 7 for just 5 hours.........cured.......easy. Next Please.
  • if they arent listening to you, talk to your school counselor or teacher or parents. this is dangerous and your friend needs to get help quickly.
  • Oh my God! I didn't even know that people actually cut to seem cool! I thought that was the media being idiotic!!!! Woah, that's really sad and disturbing, I can understand someone cutting (I do) but doing it to seem cool....what the hell is wrong with the world!!! I think this is one situation where tattling IS the answer...
  • I would use a little reverse psychology on them and say "why pretend your a cutter, just go ahead and start being "emo". Be a pathetic little victim of society and misunderstood, sit around and whine about how no one gets you. LOL you think that's a NEW CONCEPT? You can't do anything that hasn't already been done by someone else, who did it better than you and THEY WEREN'T PRETENDING! just go ahead and do it, you wanna-be, cut the hell out of yourself and then you'll be REALLY "COOL" but don't come crying to me with all your victimize bullshit after you've cut yourself to the point of no return and have scars your ashamed of, you've done it all to your self in the name of "being cool". cuz i'm done watching you act retarded." And mean every damn word of it. Don't listen to that shit, don't entertain the behavior or give it audience, stick to phrases like "i don't wanna hear it" and "go talk to some emo kid that "gets you"" harsh? yes it is, but so is hurting yourself and babying them isn't going to make them stop. It's called tough love. If they don't "get it" then that's their fault, it's not your responsibility to make sure they aren't being "mental". Your a friend, not a parent and caring only goes so far before you start caring your way into hurting yourself in the process of helping them. Remember that misery loves company, don't attend the pity parties ok if you truely care about them. Babying and loving them the nurturing way is only going to enable them to continue to do it because they have someone that sympathizes. You are going to find yourself feeling hurt too because you have to sit back and watch helplessly = misery loves company. see how this works. Cut it off. no pun intended. i'm 38 and have had a self destructive nature since i was a small child (i used to put bread bags over my head and face when i was 5). Earlier this year, i acted out to the point that i took off skin and it left a very wide and long scrap down my left forearm that burned badly for a week. I've not even WANTED to hurt myself after that. I don't want to go through the pain again cuz that shit HURT! Fear of pain is what drives ppl like me to do stupid things. When ever i'm in emotional pain now, the first thing i wanna do, STILL, is hurt myself but i don't. It has forced me to deal with my emotions rather than hide behind a knife to direct the pain somewhere else. I have a scar to remind me of why i don't hurt myself anymore. I'm also a borderline personality, so i have no filter on my emotions, i over re-act without knowing i'm doing it. To me, the intensity of my emotions are normal. To everyone else, it's exaggerated. But at least now, i have to deal with them, face the fear of feeling deep internal pain and then get over it. It helps that my boyfriend understands and is very patient with me. Without him, i would still be hurting myself. Zero tolerance for fear in your life is a good thing. I watched a friend of mine slice his arm open, leaving a big gapping cut and just let it bleed out. then not bother to go to the hospital for stitches but would rather feel the pain for a couple of weeks until it healed on it's own. That same guy had to wear long sleeved shirts to work, year round, due to all raised scars on his arms. He didn't want anyone to see them but he sit there and cut himself in front of me, knowing there was nothing he was going to let me do about it. There was no time for me to even say "NO STOP" he did it that quick. Jason was an extreme cutter though who stayed messed up on all sorts of drugs to keep him emotionally numb, he did so for years before he finally sobered up. If your friend hurts them self bad enough, they are goign to stop cuz the pain isn't worth it, especially for someone that is only doing it to fit in. Personally, i find it pathetic that they can't be more original than that. Actually it pisses me off that there are fools running around in the world that think self destructive behavior is a trend to be followed. That's retarted. Lets be real.
  • Tell their parents, if they are an adult inform them they can be committed to a mental institution for being a danger to themselves and if that doesn't motivate them to stop report them to the authorities.
  • You don't and you can't. Self-harm ranks right in there with anorexia and bulimia wjth all three doing things that require professional help. They need, very often, hospitalization so they don't have distractions and so they are away from the sources that trigger unhealthy responses. They need individual therapy and group therapy to learn how to deal with life. You are not trained in how to do that. You notify the persons parents and officials at school principal, guidance counselor and school nurse. Then you tell the person you want them to get better but their problems can't be fixed by you and their problems are tearing you down and are no longer healthy for you to be involved with. Tell them to get into counseling and call you when they do. Then you step away and leave them alone. If they threaten suicide you call 9-1-1 and report it. You have to help yourself. People who self-harm have deep psychological issues that can only be helped by therapy no matter if they say they can stop alone. Harmers are manipulative and mentally sick. They need more than you can provide. Let others handle it. Best wishes.

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