ANSWERS: 7
  • I know it hurts to be in your situation because I have been there myself. My fiance's mom used to hate me because she was jealous that I am the #1 woman in his life now, even though I was always totally nice to her and the rest of the family. Jealousy is usually the reason a person does not like you, if you feel that you have done nothing else to make them not like you. What worked for me was writing a very detailed and to the point letter with my fiance's approval. I told her that she needed to get off her high horse and realize that her son is no longer a child, he's a man and he's my man. I told her that she needed to lay off the alcohol and soap operas and step back into reality. And, that the reality is her son and I love each other and that if she didn't start showing some respect to me that she was going to lose him entirely because he was not going to dump me for her. She realized that I was right and within a few days she called and apologised to us both. It took a while to build a close relationship with her because of how badly I was hurt, but with time we have became pretty close. If you don't feel comfortable doing the first suggestion, you might ask your bf to tell his mom that he cares for you, is not going to leave you, and that if she wants to stay a part of his life then she will have to accept and respect that you are a very special part of it too. If she is still mean to you after trying the above, then she is probably just very unhappy with her own life and it makes her feel better to hurt you. If that turns out to be the case, then all you can do is avoid contact and always remember that you and your bf's feelings for each other are what is truly important.
  • Good answer but it would make things worse with my mother-in-law.Thereis no pleasing her. Everything I do is wrong.
  • I agree with the hostility will remain no matter what. Infact, my boyfriend spoke to his mother just the other day and she called me some pretty nasty names for no real reason. He then got upset and told her to never call me those things ever again. She got upset and hung up. He then had to call her back and say he will not pick sides and doesn't appreciate being placed where he is placed. She claimed she understood and will never speak like that again, but then a half an hour into the conversation...she started back up again. BTW, not the first time such conversations have taken place. We have been dating for 4 years and it started a couple months into the relationship. My only suggestion is just accept that with dating, engagement, and marriage to a man...that sometimes comes with a witchy mother that there is nothing we can do about. Makes me feel bad for the men stuck in the middle of those situations. How can mothers be so selfish to not realize the damage they are causing to their own children, let alone the people they love?
  • I agree that jealousy has a huge part in her hostility. My fiance's mother didn't like me from the beginning. He is in the army and ever since he joined things have been hell between his mother and I. She was jealous that I was the one being called and I was picking him up at the airport. And when he went to Iraq I was the one who got to know everything first. This turned into nasty comments and dirty looks. Even into screaming fights. His mom and dad blame it all on me like I'm the bad one. I have tried to talk to her and we actually talked everything over and it made things better. I was completely honest with her. Make it clear that there are boundaries that she cannont cross. And she is his mother and you want her to be involved but you two now make decisions and you will not tolerate her attitude. It worked for me...for a little bit.. right now we're back to not getting along. See how it goes.
  • I am in the same situation with my future mother-in-law. She is very jealous of our relationship and was also a very miserable person before I even entered the picture. I have to be the adult and let it go. It would be nice if we could get along, but in her eyes I am the one who took her baby and that's that! So, I chose to completely separate myself from her and her dysfunctionality and I have never told him to stop seeing or talking to his mother, it is after all his mother (no matter how childish she acts)
  • Stay away from hostile mothers-in-law who are full of emotional drama and cause stress and problems in the lives of others. No one needs that kind of stress.
  • I cannot imageine why ANY mother would say unkind things to her own child or to his family, but your main priority has to be to protect yourself and your wife or husband. Don't let this woman into either of your lives if she keeps behaving like and angry spoiled child, stomping away from situations and such. That's a crazy way for an adult to act.

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