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  • the question was asked Dear Abby years ago. I've never forgotten the answer. "No matter which decision you make you'll always wonder if it was right"
  • Let me put it this way,if you have a child, that only one wants, you will be straining your relationship. But, if you dont, have a child, you will resent him. You need to try to talk to him, and come up with a compromise. KIDS ARE ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!!
  • Adopt a child that is the same age as your spouses to provide a friend vs only child syndrone.
  • Yes Very worth it! I was going nuts with my ex husband trying to have children. 4 years we tried. I don't think he really wanted them cause he didn't try very hard. He acted like he wanted them but he never went back to the doctor after they said he had a low sperm count and wanted to redo it. He said he was fine and it is cuz I didn't keep the speciman close to my body to keep it warm on the way to get tested. Anyway I eventually gave up on him and the relationship. :/ 3 months later I was pregnant. I love my little boy!! You will always wonder what could have been. He should understand that, also he is going to have a hard time finding someone who either doesnt have children already or is going to want to be a mommy so he needs to think about that. I was really sad one day after i had my baby and i was showing my client pictures. She looked at her husband who was older and already had children that were grown. He said NO. I didn't know that she wanted one before i started showing her pictures. I felt bad. You will always feel a void. I'm sorry i talked to much. I hope i dont get any negatives. :/
  • g'day Punished, Thank you for your question. I think that you need to speak with your partner about planning for a family. This could be the issue that decides the future of your relationship. Regards
  • Hmmm. Having a child is something you will never be sorry you did. It sounds like you already are a mom (of sorts)If he has a child and you are contemplating having a child with him, then you must be close enough to him and his child to take on some parental responsibilities. Yes, having a child is worth 'something' but only you can say if it is worth the risk of your relationship. Unfortunately, that is one of those things that you will only know for sure if you do it, but by then it is too late to undo.
  • Yes, kids are the best thing in the world. They are a gift from God. You might regret other things in life, but never being a biological mother. I have only 2 and I wish I would have had another 2 when I was a lot younger. Talk to him and tell him to put himself in your shoes. I hope it works out.
  • Yes, kids are worth it. Every time they come up and give you hugs and kisses with a "I love you mommy" Or every boo-boo you kiss which magically wipes all the pain away. The joy you feel when they take their first steps, and then the fear you feel when they fall. The heartaches at dropping them off for their first day of school, then sitting in the car crying because they are growing up. There is nothing like being a mom, it is the best feeling I have ever felt. If you want to be a mom, do not let him stand in your way. There is nothing like the love that is shared between a mother and her children. Good luck to you.
  • my child has given my life a whole new meaning, a purpose that i did not possess before, a happiness that i cannot find anywhere else, love that is forever, and a connection that is deeper than anything i could ever have with any man.
  • yes they are, i mean were talking bout a human being that could bring to ur life so many blessings im not a mom yet but a baby its always a blessing!
  • It's only worth it of BOTH parents want the responsibility of raising a child. I never wanted a kid. I wanted to live for me and me only. In 95 I got pregnant and now have a 13 year old daughter who I love with all my heart but would I redo my life if I could - yes. Does that have me love my daughter any less - no. Her dad is the best ever even though we split 1 year after she was born. My advice to you - if you want to have kids that bad - find someone who feels the same as you do. Don't force someone to to do something they are strongly against. Kids don't make a relationship. The two people in it are who make it.
  • Based on the previous set of questions about your troubled relationship, you would not be doing yourself or a child any favors. You need to make sure your life is on track before you choose to bring a child into the world. Raising a child is a very serious undertaking, not all fun and roses.
  • thanks to everyone for the advice (more is still welcome). I cant see me giving up the idea of trying to be a mom. my fear is if he doesnt i will have to lose him. and what if i dont find someone else i connect with like this someone i want a child with as much as i do with him! prior to the development of our relationship i never felt the desire for kids. i was with other guys where i thought i could marry but never had an overwhelming desire for kids with any of them, or kids at all for that matter. now with him i want nothing more than a family for us. i agree with everyone that forcing it (getting prego on purpose or accident or him caving to make me happy) would strain and possibly destroy us. staying together and giving it up for him would likely have the same result. leaving each other would break our (and his childs) hearts. the only 100% happy ending is if one of us legitimately comes around but if that never happens whats worse... leaving the love of you life and potentially always regretting that loss for a child you may never get to have or staying for the love and the sure thing but always wondering what if?
  • I think it's a deal breaker. If he cannot see that then you have to go, girl. Seriously. Kids ARE worth it.
  • Kids really aren't worth having in an relationship. To me, they're a stress factor. I know I'm going to get some DRs for this.
  • What ever you do, remember you only have 1 life to live! My kids mean everything to me, more than my own husband.
  • I just dont want you to wait until your clock stops and then realize that you missed out. Being a mom is great. I enjoyed most every aspect including nursing. However, this said, kids turn into teenagers. It's a hard time and even when they make poor choices as some do they are still your kids and a responsibility to you until they are 18 and even then when they are older they can pull at your heart strings. I am raising my two grand kids, one being severely autistic. They do tie you down but since he already has one it wouldnt make that big of a difference. In my opionion, he cares more about not being a father again then your being a mother. You can make the choice to stay or leave. My best friend made the choice to not have kids because she was in the same situation. he was older and didnt want any more. He had one son. He died early and she is left alone now but her clock has stopped. Think carefully and good luck!
  • miss a week of birth control shit happens
  • You will need to make a choice: Him or your desire to propagate. Don't make the mistake of attempting to change him or thinking he will come round to your way thinking. If you nag, cajole, hint, set an ultimatum, etc., you will not be pleased with the outcome... There will be two scenarios that I see. One is that you become resentful because he won't agree to your agenda; this will lead to all sorts of problems in your relationship. The second is that he becomes a reluctant father, trapped into parenthood of your children. This will end badly for you and the child you bring into the world. You don't have to give up on being a mom. You do, however, need to give up on him being the father...

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