ANSWERS: 24
  • Do you think Britney Spears has any say in who Kevin Federline exposes her sons to? This chick is RICH. This is just the way it be.
  • No, if your husband has any custody at all, you have no say in who he chooses to bring around your child.
  • how old is your son? you can just continue to be a very stable force in his life as always and if he's old enough you can encourage him to talk about his feelings~ maybe it can be a good learning experience for him to see what he doesn't want for his life......i know that doesn't make you feel any better~just tryin' to be positive ;) ask your attorney for advice too...couldn't hurt.
  • What makes this women a endangerment? Is it because she took your husband? I think you are jumping to conclusions. Who knows, she may be a great mom.
  • THIS SUCKS BIG TIME. if i were you i wouldn't want my son around the new woman either..but really just because its someone you dont like doesn't mean your ex isn't allowed to have your son over to vist with that woman and him. Its going to be tough, and you're not going to like it and maybe one day your son is actually going to like this lady...trust me, it always hurts...ask my mom
  • At this point, legally speaking, no. We all want what is best for our child, but as the childs father, he is entitled to see his son and can expose him to whomever he chooses. There's a difference in feeling someone should not be around your son, and having proof that your son is in immediate danger of abuse and neglect at the hands of this person. There is obviously some anger at being cheated on, but being open and honest is best for your son. In the nicest way possible (and I know this is hard) explain to your husband that because you don't know this woman, you have concerns and would like to work out some expectations and rules regarding the care of your son. It's not a forum to argue or blame anyone for the breakup, but for the care of your son. You just might find out that your son would be safe and cared for. Also consider if the roles were reversed and you had a new man in your life that was going to be around your son, you'd want the same consideration. It's also best to keep a journal of your son's visits with his father. If you notice unusual scars or injuries, document them. For stability it's not good to question your son about his visits. That could put him in a difficult position because I'm sure he loves you both. Just tell him that you will always listen to him and if there is anything he would like to say or talk about to let you know. Don't put into his head that he has something to fear when he goes over to visit.
  • You can't do anything unless you have a valid reason to believe that she will physically harm your child, or cause him extreme emotional distress. Honestly, if the reason you don't want him around the woman, is because she had an affair with your husband, you need to let it go. Your divorce, should not affect your son's relationship with his Father, and you should not be doing anything to discourage that relationship. No matter how much it hurts, you need to be a mature adult, and look past your own feelings, and focus on the best interests of your son. You & husband should see a mediator who can help you develop a co-parenting plan, and provide you referals for counseling.
  • do you not think that you are using this as an excuse to get at your ex, it is not fair on your son to put him in this position, it seems that it's the kids who are always stuck in the middle, you and your ex are adults and have made choices , it is unfair to ask your son to forgo seeing his father because you have issues with his new girlfriend, that's your 'stuff' leave the child out of it.
  • Nothing
  • How old is your son? My boyfriend, when he got divorced, agreed to no intimacy in front of the child, as did she, until it evolved into something longterm. If he's mature, he should already know this... have a little chat with her and then let it go... cheaters never prosper, so they probably won't work out. You will always be mommy, no matter what, and she, or any other girlfriend, will never be able to replace you. You will have a hard time with it, but all kids need a mommy AND a daddy and you never know - you might meet someone sooner than you think.
  • Unfortunately,there is absolutely nothing that you can do except try to handle your emotions. I was recently given a legal letter for my son and myself to leave our home of 7 years. My ex-partner had been having an affair with a member of his staff who prior to this was our next door neighbour. Our son is five years old and loves his dad deeply. KEEP YOUR DIGNITY AND RISE ABOVE IT. YOU ARE HIS MOTHER AND NOTHING SHOULD COME BETWEEN THAT LET HIS FATHER HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS SON AND YOU WILL COME OUT THE BETTER PERSON.
  • You probably don't want to hear from me - My new husband and I were both married when we started our relationship, although my husband and I had already agreed to seperate and my now-husband was living in an in-law apartment in his house. We have 6 children between the 2 of us. My ex-husband was stunned at how quickly I entered a new relationship (he had initiated the seperation which I had fought so hard against), but was always gracious to my boyfriend. My children now love my new husband completely. When we married they ganged up on him and asked to call him "pops." In contrast, my husband's ex-wife confronted me physically, called my boss, called me horrible names to her children. His children were terrified to meet me at first, but been wonderful to me and we have spent great times together over the last 5 years. We have tried hard to take it slowly with them and let the relationship proceed at their pace. When we got married 2 weeks ago they each got up and spoke at the wedding about why they like me(unsolicited, it brought down the house), but everytime they leave our house we get a phone call from the ex with some nasty piece of gossip she picked up by grilling them. The point of this is, the one who will suffer by your resentment of the new woman in your ex-husband's life is your child. Unless there is something which endangers your child, resist the temptation to make him your spy or a means to exact your revenge. Rest assured he won't let you down. You'll get dirt and fodder for fights with your ex, but it will only twist him up inside and affect his relationships later in life. Your betrayal was not by her, it was by the man you were married to who broke your trust. Have it out with him if you need to. Evaluate her as a person before you decide to hate her.
  • Depending upon the state in which you live. In NYS it goes both ways, he can say who he does not want around the children and you can say who you do not want around the children. In NYS unless they marry (and even then its a real hard fright for him) the court will back you up. I am not sure about other states... but most men like him won't stay single for long, and will not stay with the same woman. I believe the judge we saw was very reasonable and fair. My visitation order states simply visits are to take place at the child's residence, the visits are for the father alone. Seriously people think... even if the new woman is a great person, the visits are for the father alone, not for the new girlfriend, the spice of the week... It is best for the child because with out others involved in the visits they have a real opportunity to bond with their father and end up with a wonderful strong relationship. Any woman who can't understand that the child comes first... Well her maternal instincts must be null...
  • You have to play fair and share, but you can get full custody if he is doing dangerous stuff like drugs or something.
  • you really shouldnt let your feelings toward tehm interfere with your sons relationship with his father. Is she using drugs, commiting crimes or any legitimate reason to censor her, or is it because you were berayed? Ive been in this exact position!!! Make sure your motives are his best interest and not yours!
  • I think you misunderstood me... As the mother you should have full right to decide who is around your child.... I was saying what ever woman says you are being unreasonable or jealous, must not have maternal instincts... Basic human instinct tell us to protect our children from all others unless they are members of family that we trust....
  • You should visit with an attorney. In the circumstances you are describing in your question and comments, it's going to depend a lot on case law and your jurisdiction. In some places, you can have a temporary court order state that he can not have the woman over overnight when the baby is there, in some this is not true. Also, in some places, breastfeeding may make a difference, in others it won't. It important to ask an attorney these questions! No one on AB will be able to answer this effectively for you.
  • No there is essentially nothing you can do unless the individuals live under the same roof as your ex. At which point you can involved social services or a private detective. At the end of the day though unless they live there social services will not intervene and the court will not intervene at all. My suggestion to you is to "play nice". Don't shoe your dissatisfaction with his behavior that way he will trust you and tell you the truth. Record everything he tells you or the kids tell you but do not pump them for info or show them you are unhappy or else they will hide things from you. "Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer". This also helps attorneys or social workers know where to look. Sometimes its all about knowing where to look.
  • I am in your exact situation right now. Only the girlfriend has 2 kids and is living with my soon to be ex. My son wants nothing to do with his father or the girl and her kids, but his father is pushing them down his throat. I don't mind my son being with his father on an every other weekend basis, but not staying with the girl or her kids at an apartment with him. My son is 12 years old. I believe he should have more of a say in where he stays and who is around him. I know nothing of this girl other than she is a paramedic, 27 years old, divorced twice, and possibly a prior drug addict. As to answer your question I don't believe there is anything you or I can do to protect our children. If that isn't backwards I don't know what is.
  • no sorry but he can take him around who ever and are you sure that the only reason you don't want your son around her isn't because she is the woman who ended your marriage?
  • How old is the son? My ex and I had a rule that our two sons (ages less than 9) should not be exposed to the here today, gone tomorrow people in our romantic lives. Children need stability. If he grows up and decides to be man by marrying this woman, then your son will be around her.
  • Unfortunately this is a no-win situation for the mother. If an old or new girlfriend of the father's abuses, even kills the child, most people will blame the mother and ask why she didn't do more to protect the child, no matter how many people she spoke to about the danger.
  • Unless you have a court order restrictin visitation you cannot keep your husband from having his girlfriend present when you son is with his father. You must have very good evidence the girlfriend poses a real threat to the safety of your son. Just because you do not like the woman for interferring in your marriage does not constitute such evidence.
  • The only thing you can do is make the best of it. There's no sense being jealous. YOU are his ONLY mom... You should send his new girlfriend a Thank You card for helping to expose the kind of man your husband REALLY is...and, don't worry....he cheated on you, he'll cheat on her. Count your blessings and MOVE ON!!!

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