ANSWERS: 41
  • If he just wants to get away with it, he's not interested in your feelings, and more than likely will do it again. Unless he's willing to work it out by talking through it and apologizing, he's not worth the oxygen we breathe.
  • 1) leave 2) don't look back 3) never forgive, not if he won't change.
  • Uhmm, this isn't a Letterman top ten list. It's pretty obvious how you feel and it's also fairly obvious that feeling isn't going to change so move on. Especially since you seem to be asking questions like this http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/538670
  • you have this the wrong way around - he has to regain your trust not the other way around. This will take ages and ages - you can't trust somebody until they prove they are trustworthy. Do you really want to stay or have you had enough?
  • You can never trust a lying, cheating, bastard. I wonder why you would even want to. If you decide that you want to try to make the relationship work, you must go to a counselor. This is true, even if he doesn't want to, you go alone, if you have to. You need all the help you can get. Do not confront him, or bring it up again. Yes, he has gotten away with it. That is over and done with. Your further complaining will not make it go away. Ask yourself if you don't deserve better.
  • Why are you giving him the upper hand , he cheated on you -- move on , he's NOT worth it
  • get out focus on you
  • He already has to live with the guilt, so he's not getting away with anything. Oh, by the way.. is he the father of your children? Another thing is he needs to gain your trust back. You don't necessarily have to bring it up again, but he shouldn't expect you to trust him at this moment in time.
  • Of course he never wants you to bring it up again....He is a coward. You can not move forward as long as you are so full of pain and rage. It just won't work. You can't even feel you can trust him either. The only thing I can suggest to maybe be able to get over this is couple's counseling. If he really wants the marriage to work he will do this with you. Even with counseling....it may not work. That is a lot for a person to accept and try to get past. I wish you lots of luck.
  • From what it sounds like, he IS getting away with it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you do move forward with him, you should expect this to happen again. If you don't have kids with him already, keep it that way. If he truely was sorry, then he wouldn't be telling you to never bring it up again. He is trying to make YOU feel bad for somethine HE did. Hope it works out.
  • First I am suprised no one else addressed the issue of your username. Just because you have had some bad luck in relationships doesn't make you stupid. I do hope you will pick a more flattering username for yourself in the very near futuer. Secondly welcome to AB. You will find that many of us are pretty friendly here and are only trying to help. Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions no matter how dumb you might think they are. Now to answer your question. I think you should move on. He cheated on you and has the balls to make a demand like never mention it again. He's a loser and you deserve better than someone who obviously doesn't care enough about you to keep it in his pants. It's far better to be alone than to be with a cheater. However if you feel that he can change and you really want to work it out by all means that's your business. It's not gonna be easy. I know I was cheated on and really tried to forgive her and move past it but I couldn't. Eventually I realized I was only fooling myself by trying to hold on to the relationship when I obviously could not trust anything she said or did. That's not to say that you can't successfully get past this. It's just not going to be all that easy to do.
  • Listen to Sis 1227. I am not a forgiving person so I wish I could give you advice other than revenge which always makes things worse
  • If someone is a lying cheating bastard, then that's what they are. You can trust that!! Trust that he is lying, and cheating, and a bastard. He will lie. He will cheat. He will be a bastard. The more you trust his nature, the better off you'll be! Make your plans accordingly.
  • Oh boy. For him to demand that YOU get over it so you can both move on is one of the most common tactics for an unrepentant cheater to bully his way past getting caught. It's a HUGE power play in a relationship and if you shrink back from your own response and need to process the emotional injury all you're doing is telling him that he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and with whomever he wants and he can demand that "you just get over it." Show him the door now. No one needs that b.s. in a relationship. If you take it once, he'll do it again - guaranteed. That, unfortunately, is how it works. If he doesn't experience any kind of loss for his behavior he will never understand that cheating is an immediate "deal-breaker." Your staying with him will actually only reinforce his cheating. Why? Because if you stay with him the only "rules" in your relationship will be the ones he sets. Give yourself a good 6 months without him in your life and you will find that you have moved on all your own and you won't miss him. (Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. - Wait, you don't have kids together do you? Don't get rid of them if you do, just any other junk he has invading your personal space. That speeds the process up a lot. Dump it all on his front lawn. He'll get the message.) You don't need him. Dump him, regroup yourself and then start your search for someone else who is worthy of your company. And, don't believe another word he says to you. Obviously he is a manipulator and a bully. Get him out, get him out, get him out of your life. He does not "love" you in a healthy way and no one needs the unhealthy brand of "love." You're worthy of someone better than this loser, that's for sure.
  • It did happen and he did get away with it. He knows you don't approve of it but if you wish to remain in the relationship you do need to accept it happened and move on from it. When these things happen within a relationship you can talk about them for the next 20 years, but the fact is, nothing you say or do will change what occurred. In effect, the only result you achieve is keeping the pain and hurt alive in your mind and the event alive in his. You can leave an unhappy relationship or you can set your mind to making it the very best that it can be. It is only time and truth that will help you trust again.
  • Move on. He obviously just wants to be able to get away with it and if he does then what is to stop him doing it again?
  • The fact that he is making you feel guilty for not trusting him should tell you the character of the person you have chosen. You NEED to leave him, he needs to know that he must regain your trust through time and through 'putting up with a lot of paranoia' as he probably calls it. The fact that he is so frustrated with your suspicions says enough.
  • Hell ya that lets him get away with it! if hes the one telling you to never bring it up again, that just means that he feels bad for what he did and doenst want to be given shit for it. on the other hand, he may be blaming you and saying your the cause of this. guys are weird. mine cheated on me too. he doenst like when i bring it up becuase he feel bad about it. he hurt me and he knows he did. maybe thats just how he feels about it. it happned and its over. he may feel so badly about it that everytime you talk about it..it just upsets him. i dont know..thats just what i think.
  • I just have to say I can relate, I'm in exactly the same situation and I think you need to talk about it to understand why it was done and get over it. My boyfriend is the same, don't want to talk about it. That only leaves me without a clue why he would do it and making it impossible for me to forgive and forget. I have suggested councilling and he doesn't want to. I think if they have cheated and they want another chance they should be bending over backwards to make it up to you, not that you should play on that, but I just know if I was the cheater that's what I'd be doing if I truly loved that person and wanted to make it up. I say leave him, forgive him and find someone else if you are strong enough, I wish I was...
  • Its real hard to trust a guy after he cheated. Just from how it sound it must've been pretty bad. If I knew back in the days what I know now I would've just left my ex years ago because when they just keep on doing the same ole shit you might as well let him go.
  • I don't think it sounds like either of you should be continuing your relationship. Neither one of you is willing/able to really overcome the hurt you caused/hurt you felt, and until you do, your relationship is doomed.
  • First - Learn to like yourself WITHOUT having someone in your life who is going to be a negative to a potentially positive life. Second - Find out WHAT it is that YOU like to do while your alone. You will be shocked Third - Come to grips with knowing YOU are more second best. Once a man loses respect for a woman it's lost for good. I'm not going to say once a cheat always a cheat but bing reminded of cheating on someone doesn't help matters it only gives them another excuse to reply the past. Brace yourself - because what you can tolerate you can not change.
  • 1. Get a f***ing backbone. 2. Kick his sorry a** out of your and your kids' life. They will move on. Kids are extremely resillient. 3. Get on with your life and focus on your kids.
  • have any of you looked at this from his side. i dont know the man but have you looked at how he's treating the situation. is he working for you. is he changing. is he trying his ass off to impress you. i got caught cheating. I'm in the process of fixing it. I dont know if you care to hear, but I had a lot wrong with my life. Anything not involving needles went into my body, i lied, i cheated, i swindled. but i changed, i went from doing drugs to not drinking or smoking cigs, i read the bible, i pray, i look for signs, i draw and write poetry, and i show her all of this. i dont go out with friends anymore because they were a negative impact of my life. she wants to argue about the same topic 20 times, and i let her because she's still mad. but i dont yell with her. i only get mad when i get ignored. he is a liar and you have every right to be mad at him.....if he ever deny's this in my opinion it's a lost cause. but if he sits there and repents and pours his heart out. there might be something worth saving with some change. if it does work and you're back together and it happens again. dont let the con-artist talk his way back. it will happen again. but if he's living up to what he told you. im sure with time you will never regret staying with him
  • sit down by yourself,divide a sheet of paper into 2 parts. on 1st part write down all the "pros" of staying in your situation.on the other piece of paper write down the "cons".put the papers away. every time you think of adding or subtracting something from either list write it down..at the end of 1 week..get out both lists and see if the "pros" outweigh the "cons" if they do stay,if not get out.
  • 1. To value yourself 2. To trust yourself 3. To honour yourself
  • how much do you love this man ...is he worth your pain & will it be in the future something you can say ya it was worth it ..as for myself I had a real winner ..& I can say that we have been together now for 16 years...& i can say yes ...women to women he knows what he is doing right or wrong do not give him the satisfaction ..don't argue.. this will only allow him to turn it back to you ..show him (& I know that its hard)how good it could be ..give him something to think about other than the fighting...& believe me I know from my own life that you ..at times what to slap him in his head..don't show him what he expects but what he doesn't give him something to think about...why is she being so sweet..is she for real or should I watch my back...don't let him accuse you of something that he did ...don't fight to prove your innocents...this only leads to his table turning..I can say that I have known my now husband of 8 years partner for 16 for over 23 years total & thought how stupid for someone to be with this womanizing pig...but believe it or not he went from left to right ...think about your relationship ..how in the past he may have been in control emotionally..you take control ..don't let him pull your strings ..pull his ..as the saying says you get more bee's with honey than vinager...strange as it seems sometimes it works...& a man is only as good as the women behind him ..that is because we know how to handle him..again you really need to look into yourself 1st.. is he really in his heart someone you truelly love ...Mine was
  • once a cheater always a cheater...it been proven soooo many times if he/she does it once chances are they'll do it again
  • oh, he wants you to never bring it up again?! Dr Phil says....you'll never forgive until you feel he knows just how bad he hurt you. And he's putting demands on you??? You tell him he needs to prove he knows how bad he hurt you. Make him pay, make him pay big, new car, cruise, paint the house....make him grovel until you feel he has paid and knows had bad he hurt you.
  • I've been cheated on and the advice that others are giving like...leave, don't look back...isn't so easy. Right now I'm dealing with yet another instance of my boyfriend's cheating. It's hard...it kills me, and I'm sure it's the same for you. If you can't leave him, don't. Stay with him..under conditions, though. Threaten to leave, say you may cheat on him!..this will scare him into hopefully doing the right thing.
  • Leave him, do not show pitty, and do not go back. You can do better then someone who is going to cheat on you, hurt you, and then expect you to just forget it! Thats BS!
  • First - It is not fair for him to ask you not to bring up his affair again. You need time to heal and women do that by talking through things and trying to understand what went wrong. Second - If he really wants to make your relationship work he needs to be reassuring and compassionate. Third - He needs to earn your trust back. That means telling you where he is at all times, being honest about everything and being patient when you are having a bad day. If you aren't getting this from him, he probably isn't taking things seriously. It might be time to move on. The thing that bothers me about your question is that you are asking what YOU need to do to trust him again. It really is what HE needs to do to earn your trust again. He may never be able to get your trust back.
  • 1. Fuck him. 2. Fuck him. 3. Fuck him. So in essence, fuck that bastard. Move on with your life without him.
  • I am so sorry for what you are going through. I read these great articles on how to get over past hurt and survive infidelity. You can read the articles here: www.MarriageFitness1.com Good luck!
  • http://www.beyondjane.com/Relationships/Dating/Why-Men-Cheat-and-What-We-Can-Do-to-Prevent-It.288389 Maybe this will help
  • It is what it is...if you have opted to stay with this man, you then must accept that it happened first, work on forgiving him...but never forget. You must deal with your relationship on a day to day basis staying alert so this does not happen again. Your only other option is to end it
  • Hi there, My partner cheated on me with his ex at the beginning of the relationship, well, it was actually more of an affair and was ongoing for a while. I didn't leave and am now pregnant with his child and while I honestly beleive he wouldn't do it again, I still find it very hard to trust him and I'm not over what happened, don't know if I ever will be. My advice would be to walk away, stay strong, he deceived you and unless you are very strong mentally this could mess with your head for some time to come. I'm speaking from experience, don't get me wrong - I love my partner and I know he loves me.. But the memory of being deceived is still there and it still hurts.
  • There is nothing u can do. The trust never comes back. The question is, can u live with it? As a man and a cheater I can tell u this, He will probably do it again if he knows he will not get cought. I know I would. The hard part is to accept that and then u will be able to move on.
  • You didn't do anything wrong. If he doesn't want to talk about it then he isn't sorry and isn't giving you the opportunity to heal and get the answers that you want.
  • You said it yourself, he's a lying cheating bastard. What you need to move on? Stop getting advice from amateurs. Go to: www.Monsterette.com - Women's training camp.
  • Sweaty, you're going to need training in how to deal with a man. A lot of it. I bet you are always bringing it up and he's had it. You guys fight a lot over it. Right? Is this the first time he cheats? If it's not get rid of him. Things to consider: 1) Are you engaged with this guy? 2) Are there kids involved? 3) Has he done this more than once? 4) Can you learn to trust him again? Men don't cheat because they want to. Men cheat because they can. Remember this and never forget it girl. What he tells you: In a relationship, a woman knows about her man only what he is willing to share with her about himself whether is the truth or not for his own selfish reasons (men are not stupid). Now, add your best friend's opinions to that and what do you have? An accomplished man and two totally clueless women. Family values: Family values can add to his conscious but not his actions. A man growing up in a dysfunctional family does not guarantee that he will cheat either. It all boils down to what he learned from it. What you do with yourself has no control of his action. Is what he truly thinks of you that does. When a man leaves or cheats on his girl nine out of ten times it has nothing to do with who looks better. It has all to do with looking different. Keeping your look fresh, working-out and maintaining a healthy diet is a great way to make your relationship stronger and he will be less likely to leave you. But will it make him less likely to cheat? No. Knowing what period in the relationship a man is most likely to cheat is impossible, there is no right or wrong time, there are only patterns. What I'm trying to teach you is that a man can make a mistake the first time but, if this is a on going recurrence the one that has the problem is you girl. Why are you still with him? How do I know? www.Monsterette.com - Women's training camp.

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