ANSWERS: 51
  • The educational format in this country is lacking. Everyone thinks the most imporatnt tools in school are reading writing and math, but most important are values. There are no family values in place at home these days, much less taught in a school room. There is not one drop of emphasis on the importance of family and what the true gifts of being married are. Everyone wants to bolt when their petty ideas of attraction and sexiness fall by the wayside. Marriage is a lifetime comittment with actual rewards of gaining character, loyalty, self-worth, problem solving, selflessness, really seeing the net worth of a lifetime of unconditional love for spouse and children. That should be in place even before the sciences and skills. Family, neighborhood, city, state, country and world can have much better harmony with human values being worked on a daily basis.
  • There's so many reasons lol. I don't know where to start. I know from first hand experience that my marriage was a lustful mistake. I thought I was in love and hastily got married without thinking and when the infatuation wore off, I was like "What the hell did I do....". I didn't want to work on it, because I knew deep down that theis person wasn't for me. It's so easy to get married and anyone can basically do it without thinking about it is one reason.
  • Just read the questions on answerbag (and answers). The young people have no idea about relationships and at very young ages make having a girlfriend or boyfriend their top priority. By like twelve they are "supposed" to have a boyfriend, having sex at 13, and all of this when developmentally they cannot understand what a relationship is. There is a mentality that marriage is much like dating; when you get tired of it just get divorced. I had read that the teenagers now were becoming more conservative, but on this site I've noticed about three questions/answers that were obviously from very young teens who seemed to have their heads on straight. So to answer your question, young people are not prepared for committed relationships because during their teens they went from C to S, skipping everything in between. And, they've missed out on some good and important stuff.
  • Selfishness is one reason.
  • I think people do not have the real love, sex is one thing but your not having sex all day long with that person, there has to be real love..People marry for the wrong reasons... Children being born out of wedlock Liars marry for money LOneliness Greencards There are so many reasons why, one person can love the other but the oher doesn't love them back...
  • There are certain situations like getting married too young and too soon. But there are other reasons like being too selfish and lazy. The idea is not to let that "spark" go. You have to work to keep things going strong. If not it falls by the wayside and people can start resenting eachother. People just let go of those loving feeling so soon sometimes. If two people are madly in love and can have a really fun time together, I think they can stay together forever. Its when the relationship turns into resentment and arguments. Thats whwen ppl want out.
  • Society has taught children over years it is ok. Just like Homosexuality. Most youth today were raised by T.V.'s or daycare's. Not their parents. (mother and father) They did not see what a loving relationship was or how to give and take. They only saw take and run. (Milk the bastard for every dime) Or the sorry ass father that was using their mother to keep his member warm. It goes both ways. . Society in a whole has given in to desensitizing all kinds of things. Look around you it is not just marriage. 9 year old girls and younger dress like hookers waiting for a john. Young boys and girls think it is "cool" to have babies, in turn that is going to worsen the problem. But my views are hated because I still hold on to those good old morals. I refuse to give in to the sick behavior where a man turns his back on his responsibilities.
  • My theory is that people today are getting married for a lot of different reasons than people of the past. What may be the problem is the reason why people marry these days in the first place. Confused illogical people have existed well before now so the people may have not changed much. What we as a nation put a lot of worth in or what we feel is "acceptable" by social standards may have changed quit a bit and is reflected in our personal lives and relationships.
  • People have been taught that they are nothing more (and sometimes less) than animals in school. There are no absolute morals in our atheistic school systems, so many people go along with, "if it feels good do it"
  • I honestly think that ppl are not nessesarily more unhappy now then they used to be, its just that divorce is more acceptable now. PPl back then were still misserable too but they just put up with it. I also believe more and more now ppl just give up through hard times. You can ask many happily married ppl that have been together for like 20 years plus that they probly had a huge rough patch that would have drivin many today to divorce. But they can also probly say that they are glad they didnt cause they worked through it.
  • I think people don't take marriage vows seriously enough now. Instead of "until death do us part" it is "until divorce do us part". Maybe it is because they have seen their parents split up, so they think that it is ok. My parents were married for 30 years until my dad passed away. My first marriage lasted 25 years until my wife passed away. My second marriage is in its 4th year and I have no intention of letting it fail.
  • culture and additude. my wife treated out marriage like a glorified BF/GF relationship in how she ended it.... she decided it was over and that was that, she thought that meant she was free to go live with a boyfriend and there was nothing wrong with it even BEFORE the divorce was filed. she thinks her adulterous relationship is a deep spiritual connection. she left because she just didn't feel the magic any more. marriage is a supposed to be a commitment, not just something you stick with as long as it is convienient. but I am thank ful she left because I was too commited to ever leave unless her abuse were to reach life threatening levels.
  • Marriage is becoming obsolete. In the old days each person had a job, man, work, woman work at home. There's no need for that now, and people leave when it isn't working. Till death do us part is a crock.
  • Lots of people want perfection and instant gratification, "right now". There is no sense of commitment or tollerence. Instant gratification with no work. It's never worked and never will.
  • its because people get married before they get to know each other, my brother got married to a girl he knew for like 4 months 7 hours BEFORE he graduated from HIGH SCHOOL......but I've seen it work opposite, my step-sister got married to a guy she knew for around 4 months and they're still married and have the most beautiful little boy ever. regardless, people don't get to know each other before getting hitched anymore.
  • I don't think marriage is the commitment it use to be. People get married and think before they do if it doesnt work out we will just get devorced.
  • People give up on each other too easily. Instead of running home to mom and dad when a fight ensues, couple should stay together and talk it out. The divorce laws are encouraging people to divorce. it is too easy to receive a divorce. People do not get to know each other, BEFORE, they decide to marry. After you say "I Do", its then too late to learn the real person you just married. Respect is the key marriage word. without respect for each other, the marriage is doomed.
  • People marry too soon some hardly knowing the partner. They marry knowing that if it is not what they want they can divorce. People are not willing to compromise or work at making the marriage successful. Thy marry for lust not love.
  • I think people get more interested in having a wedding instead of being married. Think of all the special attention about the wedding - the whole bridezilla factor. People get so much attention during the process. The search for the perfect dress. Picking out a wish list for gifts. Having parties where the bride/groom are the center of attention. Multiple parties with scads of gifts. Being married is real life - and it's a let down after all this attention. I got burned by so many marriages that fizzled before the 1 year mark - my new resolution - the wedding gift is given on the 1st year anniversary.
  • People can't identify lust and love.
  • Because they confuse infatuation with in love.
  • People are to hasty to marry, combine this with the lack of morality and the decline in religious values, and you have the perfect combination for divorce. Also most couples are to eager to call it quits after an agrument or too...finally blame WOMEN...very often than not they divorce a man for stupid reasons like irreconcilable differences, and then take all of the man's money in divorce court; most divorces are filed by women, and the courts are biased toward women so they know they will allways get the mans money. So on top of everything i have cited, you have gold digging, which comes natural to all women.
  • I think that one big reason is that today, women in particular don't feel that they have to stay in a marriage that's not working for them. In the past they felt they had to, partly because they were more dependent on their husband for their livelihood, and partly because of how society shunned divorced women.
  • People don't get to know each other well enough before marrying. They don't have a clue what real marriage entails. They often mistake lust for love. They don't make a long-term plan. They don't have the skills necessary to "negotiate" a happy medium between them; and it's easier just to call it quits than to actually take the time to learn to solve any problems they encounter. Many other reasons too; but I could be here for a loooong time!
  • people get married for the wrong reason(s)
  • People do not really THINK before going into marriage ... They THINK that they are "in love" because they have sex with them ... and don't REALLY get to know the person. I believe that too many are mistaking being "Horney" for being "In Love " Also; too many young people are jumping into bed together and not considering the conserquences IF a pregnacy come along .... Then ; they decide to play house "for the sake of the children" which in over 75% of the cases does NOT work .. so it ends in DIVORCE .... Just a couple of MY theories ... +5
  • Not built on that which is good and true. It's like planting a seed in dry sand.
  • Getting married is fun and you get lots of attention, being married usually isn't.
  • in my marriage there is a lot of drama, its been nearly a decade but only cause Im too stupid to leave her. my theory is that were taught to get into relationships but nothing after that, in the relationship were act like children full of demands and frustration, in my marriage anything I say turns into a daytime drama script so I keep my mouth shut, when my wifes friends are over I usually hide in my bedroom untill they leave unless I want to hear about my lacking sexual responsibility. if I get stuck in the room with them I have to stare at my wife if I look away I get to hear about it when thay leave. so I think the problem with relationships is a failing in appraising one another or yourself. and a complete lack of self respect makes it impossible for some folks to respect others.
  • Who runs your marriage? You or your wife? It should be 50-50, not 80-20 as it appears. If you are a man, be a man. Women talking about your inadequate sexual problem is personal. tell her so. You have taken much more from her than i would. Why are you still there?
  • People are interested in the here and now (and the near future), and think "WE LA LA LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH! MIGHT AS WELL GET MARRIED!", although what they really should be thinking is, "So 50 years from now, do I still want to be with this guy?". They're rushing into things. And it ends poorly.
  • People are very selfish these days! there's too much of the ME, ME, ME attutude!! IMO :-/
  • one word HASTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!what a waste +5
  • Because the law gives the decree soon.The love goes out of the window.Low tolerance levels.High education.Money and finances.Infidelity.Society.Upbringing.Children.Work related issues.Long distance relationships. If you see there are no particular reasons for divorce. I think it is the disease!+
  • b/c they get 1/2
  • For better or worse (so to speak), couples are less willing to tolerate their partner's issues or behavior. In the "old days" couples would stay together no matter how abusive things would become. There also used to be a tabboo about being divorced, both societal and religious.
  • I believe that there is a vast well of ignorance in the general population about how to sustain relationships. It seems that relationships are expected to just start off ok and continue the same way. There is no education as to how they will change over time and how to grow with that change. Once the initial excitement wears off it seems as if there is a discontentment and a wish to move on to find it with a new relationship instead of staying with the original one and helping to make it grow and get deeper. working together to make it mean more than a superficial rush.It takes work to build a lasting foundation and some are too lazy or selfish to do that. If you do end up with someone like that, divorce may be your only way.
  • It is not only these days. It has always been this way but in the past people just did not divorce because everyone would think of it as a scandal. It was not normal to divorce. Lately there are a lot of people that value marriage the same as 'do you want to by my boyfriend?'. They absolutely do not know what they are getting into. They move in after they got married. Well then you will be up for some surprises! I got married this year, some people do not take it seriously because I am only 22 and my husband is 23. What they do not know is that before we started a relationship we wrote letters to eachother maybe four times a week. We were awfully shy and absolutely not the person who get into a relationship without knowing someone. Because of all these letters we became very close friends, we knew everything about eachother before we ever faced eachother. We knew how the other looked but had never spoken. The first date we talked all night about well almost everything, after that we have never left eachothers side and we never will. I think the main reason why people divorce is because they do not know their partner well enough. They do not take their time to get to know the person from the inside and therefore in some situations are unable to understand them, which eventually lead to conflict.
  • I am of the opinion that all these problems are rooted in what was learned in the home...like some have already said - its monkey see, monkey do until you figure out that you are just acting on learned behaviour. I also think that there are certain roles that people feel they need to fill or live up to because of what they have learned via pop culture in movies etc. Life is not complicated, but most people love drama. Divorce is the new morning after pill.
  • I blame it on Hollywood
  • Why get married when everyone does outside of marriage what's supposed to be done in marriage? Then when marriage comes, it's not very exciting.
  • 1)just as society in US has become more mobile (hopefully w/ family intact) it's just people moving on. 2) Relaxed social mores, I mean before this BCE mostly arranged marriages were to promote political and social harmony therefore the marriage was more responsibility than just the happiness of two people. 3) Impulsiveness, in a time of instant gratification. Hey if it makes you happy do it but set a limit on 3 marriages at most, I do not want to read in the newspaper of your 6th and "final" marriage "THIS IS THE ONE!" pppllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssseeeeeee
  • The cavemen had the right idea. Pull the womans hair and carry a big stick. No problem.
  • responsibility sets in and also not knowing each other (that other side of you)and i think when a child is involved this turns out to not be like the book ..and they lived happily ever after,so all these factors turn love to hate a strong word i know but most divorces you would never think these 2 people once loved each other and the child becomes a weapon,just my view.
  • We try define love rather than let love define us. We have demands of what we expect love to be. When those demands are not met we say it is not love that we have found. At that point we venture on in order to find a situation that matches our idea of love.
  • I agree with a lot of people on here...divorce as an answer has become a norm. couples use it as an out when they have problems in a marriage. Before i got married to my husband, we knew each other for 4 years. We just got married last november, so it hasn't even been a year yet, and he just filed for divorce. I try to tell him that it's not the answer, but it's hard when he has his parents (who are divorced) supporting his decision and not telling him he needs to try to work through the problems first, the divorce isn't the first answer...it's the last last last resort. My dad on the other hand (never divorced, but widowed) has been very supportive and even tried reasoning with him. My dad has helped me keep a level head and told me that as long as i fight until the end then that's all i can do. He told my husband that divorce isn't the answer...that we made a contract and we have to be willing to try all possiblities to make things work. Now i don't agree with a lot of you that it's the kids who are too young. I'm 25 and this is my first marriage, but my age and capability of love has nothing to do with it. Who are you to judge...many divorces happen years upon years after marriage too...when there are kids and much more involved. I do agree some people rush into things and yes, that is their fault. But who are we to judge other people's love and relationship. Now if one spouse was getting physically abused before marriage and still married...then yeah, i can understand the judgements, but most times there is more than we know to situations. Mine, for example, is due to my husbands job changing him. He became a police officer and the training program changed him. He's become paranoid and distant. I try talking to him but he won't put out...i've suggested counseling and separation, to try to work through things, but he doesn't want it. I think there is something more to the situation that i don't know, because he said that if we separated he would miss me and love me to much and just want me to come home...but when i asked what he thinks will happen after the divorce he has no answer. So see...it's not always just a way to get out...there i always something...its that fact that these people petitioning for divorce don't have a support system telling and helping them work things out. No one to show and tell them that the problems can be worked through.
  • Entering marriage with the idea if anything goes wrong, I can divorce the other. Not being educated in what marriage entails, to including the idea of marriage. Lack of continuing to communicate about thoughts and feelings. Hiding the abusive, sick stuff, to include expectations of a spouse until after marriage. Not loving the true person despite everything. Not knowing who you are marrying. Not accepting that person. Lack of respect for the other. Lack of parenting skills and how it changes a relationship. Lack of knowledge of the court and divorce system and how ruthless it can be. +4
  • I believe because so many are trying to FIND happiness these days rather than look for it from within. Too many put a huge responsibilty on their partner to GIVE them happiness instead of being happy with what and who they are. you have to love yourself first before you can even think about loving another, and finding someone who loves themselves is a hard thing to do. You have to be happy with who you are before you can ever expect to have a happy relationship. finding someone that is happy with who they are is a hard thing to do. Happiness and love reside within all of us it is not someone elses job to define it or find it or give it to us. After 3 divorces, I finally found someone I don't have to fix, don't want to fix, don't have to change, don't want to change , don't have to rescue, don't want to rescue.. I love him, because he loves himself more than he does me and that makes my job so much easier because all I have to do is enjoy his company. I love myself more than I love him and all he has to do is enjoy my company. I think as times change and things get faster and faster we don't have the time to learn or teach the skills we all need to be self confident, self reliant and self loving individuals. Our rolls as men and women have crossed in so many areas that it is harder to be a confident person when you are doing the oppiset sex's "jobs" I do more man's work than my mother or grandmother ever did, and honestly I struggled with it and at times still do, because lets face it...there are some jobs a man/ woman can just do better, I have come to realize as long as I am doing my best...it's a job well done...but it is easy to lose yourself confidence in today's world... for both sexs..and I believe this has led to the demise of many a relationship. It's hard to be happy when there is so much to do and it seems you cannot keep everything going, we take so little times for ourselves. We end up depending on someone else to "bring or give" us happiness, and it just doesn't work like that. I don't think doing the oppisit sexs roles are a bad thing, it's just we have not emotionaly caught up with the changes and finding self confident, self loving, truely happy people is just a bit harder theses days.
  • They shouldn't have even started in the first place. And because nowadays they don't NEED to last.
  • i think marriages can last if there was more communication , making trips , outdoors activites . more romance , travelling together , saying a love u every once and a while , hugs , kisses , opening your heart more often , changing the rooteen every once and while , and treating them like your best friends .
  • People do not depend financially on each other anymore. Their faith in church deminishes, so they start looking for answers themselves. Making them insecure while reinventing our social stucture. And making it to easy to give up, since divorce is more socially accepted (not per se a bad thing). The rationalisation and efficiency of modern society sacrfices love for practicality.

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