My son is 9...his father is a criminal &has been in jail my sons whole life...I do not plan on ever allowing his father to have a part in our lives....but when do you think is a good age to let him know the truth.
by 
Popanna
ANSWERS: 22
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Hmm.. Does he understand what is a criminal? If he has firm principals about it, he should already have know that he's been missing a father. U should be able to tell him. I am just 13 but i am just saying that if i were in his shoes, I can accept that. Especially with sb that has little concern with my life. I mean, he doesn't matter anymore, does he?
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Now is fine. You don't want him hearing things from outside sources or somehow finding out some other way and then thinking the wrong way about it all and maybe damaging his self esteem or something. I would tell him now. Just make sure to word it well.
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Now. Just so he is aware, because my dad was never in my life and hes been gone 16 years and do you see me trying to get him back in my life? Not at all. Now hes in jail for writing fake checks.
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When he ask where his father is, you need to be honest and tell him. Even if he doesn't understand all of it at this age, do not lie to him. You will have more questions to answer as he gets older and he will understand more and more as he gets older.
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now, he's not too old to do the "mom i cant believe you never told me this" but you dont have to give details. I would refrain from saying that Daddy is a bad man...just because I would think that would bother a child. *not that you'd say that....
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When he ask you.
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The sooner the better, tell him the truth otherwise you will have more complications in the future.
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u should have told him the very beginning he has to take the truth and it shows that u trust and care about him enough to let him no ASAP..
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Wow, I don't envy your position, and could definitely understand how you would hesitate to tell your son about a father he's never known with a criminal past. But I think your best bet is telling him now because its his father and he deserves to know the truth. I'd try to do it in a way that wasn't to insulting or biased towards his father, but just let him know that his dad made some bad decisions and is now paying the price. It may take your son some time to digest it, but you'll both be better off being open an honest about it. Good luck!
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Tell him the truth, you've lied way too long and u have the answers for him down pat. My children don't see their Father as he is a violent drug addict criminal and I totally agree with the way you don't totally put his father down, I still tell my boys good stuff about their dad-only one of them doesn't remember him-too young, but the others remember bad stuff. Make sure your boy knows he came from something good, you're going to handle it fine.
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NOW.
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This is a kid. Tell him when you've built him up and praised him up so he won't for a moment go off and worry that he might be a bit like his dad. Tell him when he KNOWS he is personally responsible for being the wonderful person he is, that you just helped by loving him and bringing him up, but that neither his mother nor his father made him be a good guy - he did that all by himself. Tell him when you can talk about his dad with calm and with as little pain as possible, because kids are SO good at wanting to love their parents and so good at picking up bad vibes. The first thing a loving kid will do when he gets to thinking, is try and make excuses for why dad got in trouble and why he might not be that bad really. If you are in a place where you get defensive or stressed when you try and correct him, he might see you as attacking his dad. At least as an added bonus you'll have a real reason to give him for waiting this long - you wanted to be sure he wouldn't feel bad or rush off and do anything silly so you waited until he was a bit grown up and a sensible young man. Fingers crossed for you.
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As soon as possible in an appropriate comfortable setting for your child.. although my father wasn't a criminal, he deserted his family for several other women and refused to pay child support. When I was young I would have people come up to me telling me that my father was a bad person or a terrible man.. I resented those people because I loved my father and at the time I had no clue of what was going on. I also resented my mother for some reason.. she never allowed me to see my father (those very rare occasions where he asked to be with me) and it made me upset. This was when I was about your son's age or younger.. I found out how terrible my father was when I was 18. I wished I knew sooner because it would've answered many of the questions I was afraid to ask my mother.. and I wouldn't have hated her so much. I love her now because of the sacrifices she's made for me when my father was busy conning and screwing other women.
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I would give serious consideration to allowing your son to know his father. It's better that he have a father than not.
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Nobody else can really tell you this. Trust your own intuition on this one.
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This question makes me worry about your son. He deserves a father--whether a "criminal" or not. You do not tell us what "kind" of criminal he was. In spite of that, I believe that your son should know his father. There should be no vacuum, no void in his life. As a woman who has supervised many schools, taught thousands of students, and most important, known and loved those thousands of children, I can tell you without doubt, that a child who knows the worst of fathers is better off, is healthier, than the child who lives with an unknown. This does no mean that you and son have to live with this man; it means that your son should have a relationship with his Dad. Taking a Dad from a child hurts the child as well as the father. Lastly, if you are separating Dad from his son out of anger at Dad, you are doubly wrong. Perhaps this is not the case. Examine yourself. Truly pry out your real motivation. I hope that this is not the case. Only you can know.
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I would just leave it alone until the kid asks about it and then keep it short and simple. If you push too hard against his father, the boy will want contact just to spite you. Simply tell him you have made the choice that his father is out of the picture AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. Once he's 18, he can look up his dad if he wants, but I wouldn't press it one way or the other.
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3.i think tht it is not right time.after 20
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Your son will resent you for this in the future. It is not your choice, it is your son's. He will locate his Dad in the future, and if you make it difficult for them now, they will team up on you later. Every kid needs his Dad.
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12 years old, when your son knows the difference between right and wrong. This is an excellent age to tell him.
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I think that you need to talk it over with your s/o and be honest with your son. Sooner or later he will find out the truth and if you wait too long he may resent you for not being honest with him. If it were me I would tell him now, and let him know that both you and your s/o love him and will always be there for him. Good luck
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I think is old enough the sooner the better
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