It's going to be tough for most AB users to see across the cultural gap between our world and yours. Are you willing to break with your family? If you can live without their support, approval, and social network then all you have to do is tell them and let them do whatever they will. Chances are good it won't be pretty, yes? Personally, I would not let my family tell me who to date. But I'm not in your shoes. Only you can decide which is more important. There's no way around it though, if they are going to react, saying it nicely probably isn't going to make much difference.

I think you should let your family know... try to speak to the person who is closest to you in the family, then work your way up. But, make sure when you do tell them that you show that you are strong about what you feel. It's only fair on everyone involved, that it is out in the open. At least then you know where you stand with your family, they may never want to see you again or they may be funny about it for a while... but at least you can work through what ever happens. I wish you all the luck in the world, I know how hard it is... I'm a british asian.

I don't know how to answer this because I have no idea how fundamentalist your family is or is not. I think honesty is important, but on the other hand, I don't want to see you beaten or killed either.

I was in the same situation 9 years ago, my parent are rather fanatic. But we kept on dating. Lucky he was willing to convert. Now we've been married for 6 years.

Not knowing details of your family and the relationships within it, I can't really offer any advice other than to follow your heart and your instinct. My cousin married a Muslim lady from North Africa (her sister is also married to a non-Muslim white man) and as far as I know neither family has any problem with the situation, which is as it should be in a decent caring society, where what should matter is our love and respect for each other as human beings. How sad that it is not always so. I hope everything works out for you. Best wishes and good luck

Honestly if your parents care about you and love you and care about your happiness. There is no doubt in my mind that if you tell them, over time they will adjust to it. My family had something similar happen. My sister (white) is dating a black man. My dad is sort of racist on the hole idea (it was how he was raised)(My grandparents a fucking morons) But over time he learned that the guy loved my sister and truly cared about her as much as an many possibly could. And my dad warmed up and he started coming over on Monday nights to watch football with my dad. Miracle.

If you don't let them know, you'll never be able to take it to the next level. And when you tell them, tell them in a stern but respectful manner to portray your actual seriousness. If they love you they will respect your dicision and simply hope the best for you from that point on.

hello. ima white twice divorced 36 year old woman. i ahve met a lovely pakistani mad and we love each other to bits. his family found out about me and his brother, who he lives with, beat him up over it. his parents live in pakistan. we speak each night on the phone and we see each other fot maybe 15 mins or so before and after work. its so hard for him and me. he doesnt want to lose his family but he wants to be with me, and likewise. however, he is afraid of the reactions of being disowned. he has no life at the moment as his brother takes his phone, wants to know his whereabouts etc and nearly breaks his neck to tell the rest of the family back over in pakistan how bad his younger brother is. he is 31! he works, goes home and bed. can anyone tell me of similar experiances and if the family have come round once they know there family member is happy? ot is it totla disownment?

Just take him home to your family and introduce him. Tell him in advance not to take any reactions personally.

I am in the exact same situation with my girlfriend who is afraid to tell her parents. So to tell you how to answer this question is to tell them how you really feel about him and to follow your heart. Dont be scarred it may hust be a speed bump in the middle of the road and it is an obsticle that can be conquered, no matter how long it may take. I believe that if you love him everything will work.

You should be afraid. such actions have required honor killings. He should use good judgment and convert, or get out, life to this stress level won't be worth living.

What makes your culture so special. Let's see.. because you will produce short insignifigant little people. Please, he should dump you because you are a wimp who does not deserve him.

If your religion is so harsh that your parents will be intolerant of someone of a different background, then you should question it/them.

Honey :) I don't know how long you have been in a relationship with this man, but isn't your family pressuring you to marry a Muslim man? What do they think when you refuse? I'm sure your family knows something is going on with you. My family (Irish-Catholic) are very clear that me, him and any children would not be welcomed EVER. However, I believe that in the end my brothers and sister will come around to accepting a Muslim Man from Pakistan into our family. My parents and the older generation may never. My problem is I don't think any relationship is strong enough to survive this situation when both sides are not happy or willing to bend when it come to religion. I hope his family will welcome you with open arms... I know I would love for my family to be more opened minded.

Unless you live with your family or they pay your rent, they have no say. I know, I know, people get all hung up on their families but fortunately, parents can't kill their children anymore like they did in ye olde bible days, so what is the worse they can do, shun you, disown you, yell at you? You are an adult right...you need to stop hanigng on to that archaic "my family knows what's best for me" way of thinking and ask what is good for YOU!!!! What makes YOU happy?

you need to be grown up enough to not care. if you think you're grown up enough to date, then you ought to be grown up enough to just say it and accept the consequences otherwise dump his ass and make your family happy and stay out of grown folk business!

Probably be a good idea to move very far away. If you are that worried, then it would signify to me that your family may have a violent reaction to such news. There are two things you can do. 1) Cut ties with him. 2) Cut ties with your family and go far enough away that they won't be able to attack you and your loved one.

If you are close with your sisters/mother, you should tell them first .. see her reactions and then maybe she will tell your father/brothers ..I guess it wont be a problem if your lover converts to Islam :) In fact, the worries are about his religion and not about his white skin.

as a muslim girl my only advice to you is to be strong if he loves you as you love him than he should convert to your religion since being a muslim requires you marrying another muslim, when he has axcepted this thean tell your sisters and your mom than they can tell your dad and brothers. always have a strong opnion that this is what you really want dont show them any weak signs,good luck hope things work out for you

Okay I was in the same boat. First, make sure that you are both in it for the long haul, i.e., marriage. No point in getting everyone upset over a non-permanent person in your life. Also, no point putting pressure early on in a relationship until you are sure. Second, think long and hard about the worst case scenario: are you willing to give up your whole life, your family, most of your friends, even where you live in case things go bad? Think long term, when you are in your eighties. Make sure both of you are on the same page. Remember once you are fully out of your community, they never really let you back in. If your relationship is worth the loss of everything else you hold dear, than maybe you are better off with him. Third, be prepared to have the conversion discussion with him and them. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ask him to convert. He will resent you for it in time. If he makes a decision on his own, fine. That is his choice. Either way, make sure he knows that your family will bring it up so he isn't caught off guard. I personally think it silly, but I am not sure what your beliefs are. If you are adamant that he convert, you shouldn't be with him at all. Fourth, make sure you both are in a financial position to live together in case you get disowned. It is important that you are financially independent from him as well, in case it doesn't work out with him. He should have his own place ready, decorated and lived in. Fifth, speak to your closest, trustworthy and open minded family members first, trying to gauge the reaction of the rest of the family. Sixth, with the support of an elder family member, trying talking to your parents in a public place where they can not hit the roof (or worse, you). When they are ready, introduce him.If they are willing, try to get them to get to know each other, but be firm in that you have made a decision. Finally, with or without their blessing, live your life. At least you know you tried. It worked out for us. Married 13 years now. And we have their blessing. Good luck and take care.