ANSWERS: 46
  • Having that big of an attitude at 13 deserves both.
    • Crazychick
      I had a cheeky attitude at 13, I used to get my dad's belt across my backside. Lol:)
  • How about making the essay 500 words and grounding her for a MONTH? Teenagers need to be reminded that those who pay the bills make the rules and deserve respect for all that they have done for them. A swat or two on the backside might also be in order. At least until she hollers "child abuse". ;-)
  • who says you can't do both? and since she is off the computer, have her hand write it. usually, my mom would give me the silent treatment when i had an attitude and then we would have an emotionally draining conversation about how ungrateful i was and how much i hurt her. eventually i learned my lesson and i understand where she is comming from now, years later. but if thats not your style, go with the punishments. im sure the message will get through eventually.
  • the computer - a week without myspace and facebook or youtube - - puts her back in the stone ages
  • I don't have a 13-year-old, but I was 13 once, so I know what works. BOTH. Your essay idea is awesome; it will force her to recognize all of the things you provide for her. And computer grounding is great, too. Shoot, at 13, my computer was only used for long division.
  • How about talking to her honestly and letting her know how her words affect you. An additional discussion about having respect for others and their feelings is also in order. Kids don't connect their brains to their mouths and need constant (repeat, constant) reminders that their actions have consequences. Some adults have never learned that. So have the talk and as a consequence--bye bye computer. Take charge now-it will only get more difficult. Good luck to you Mom. (if you are the kid writing this question--all the above still stands.)
  • the essay. grounding her from the computer might suck for her but she only is going to dwell even more on how much she hates you BUT the essay is actually gonna make her sit down and think about and reflect on all you do for her. She will actually have to think about her words and not just go about pouting that you are mean. If it were me I would ground her from the computer AND make her write the essay.
  • That sounds a good idea, and to improve her hand writing skill.
  • I think the best punishment would be the essay (that tickles me)..but when in doubt, the silent treatment never fails. I hated it, it makes me quiver just thinking about it. I didn't last a day without apologizing!
  • Make her think and compose something.....that's a really good idea. And just for the cherry on the top, tell her she doesn't get to use the computer until she writes it. Make her write it by hand.
  • BOTH!!!!!! She will think twice, before she says ignorant things next time.
  • Yes. Good ideas. Good luck.
  • Oh my gosh! Both!!!! The essay first in perfect print, no computer allowed!
  • Wouldn't you rather know, first of all, the reason why the kid said such things in the first place?
  • As a former teacher, please don't use writing as a punishment. Why don't you try talking to her about WHY she said those things...once you both have calmed down. Will grounding her from the computer CHANGE her behavior???? Just some things to think about.
  • Tell her about the poor kids in Mozambique, and Seoul, begging for rice and water. It works wonders.
  • I'm not that creative, the essay sounds good. maybe ground from the computer till the essay is done?
  • Tjoe, did your daughter say something ugly to you?? <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The essay is gonna be the worse punishment of the 2. At least it would be for my daughter. I think she aught to do it, because you can see things from her perspective.
  • neither. I would tell her until her attitude changes you will be her next best friend because she wont be socializing with any of hers until she can learn to show you respect and appreciate what you do for her. That includes no phone privileges.So you two will be hanging out a lot!! who knows maybe she will actually come to like you and enjoy your company! Good luck!
  • ugh, i'm guessing neither. with the essay...she might writing rude disrespectful things..that would hurt. and computer....what does that have to do with anything??? she needs to be brought up right. i think she needs to get a good talk. put her in a room with you. and tell her u need to talk to her as a responsible and understanding person and adult. explain to her that u are her friend but it doesnt mean youre on the same level. that the parent needs to be respected. and she is not to speak with you like that.but ya come up with stuff like that..make it sound good and that u mean it. get it done,, the sooner the better. cux it may be bad now but if it doesnt stop..itl get worse
  • both...and in the mean time have a talk with her..your in control not her
  • Well .. honestly .. i would not punish her. I would be more concerned with why she is feeling and expressing herself in the way she is. I would sit her down and say something to her along the lines of *i am glad you have been able to let me know how you feel and i think we need to spend some quality time interacting and getting to know each better so that you don't have to feel that way anymore*. And i would hug her and tell her that no matter what she feels about me, i love her and would appreciate her not speaking to me in such a negative or abusive manner.   I guess i'm a little different to most, but yeah that's just me, and i don't have it in me to punish a child for expressing their feeling, even if they do it in such a hurtful or ill mannered way. I would far rather encourage her to feel confident in talking to me about those things she is feeling and to teach her to express them in a kinder more effective manner. And then i would be arranging with her, some special things we could do together, to encourage her trust and love for me :)
  • I think I'd rather figure out why she said them.
  • ESSAY ! ESSSAAY! it might develop an ability to speak freely like democracy allows you to.also it might help with grammar. if she writes any swear words, for each one gorund her for one week
  • I have no kids but I would do neither. Both would make her angrier. There has to be some underlying reason behind her attitude besides her being a teenager. I would talk to her and see how you can improve your relationship without yelling and stay in control.
  • Both, and no computer to write. Also, how about having her do some volunteer work at an orphanage so she can see how good she has it? A 13 year old has no buisiness giving their parents crap.
  • I would punish her. I would stop doing certain things for her like washing her clothes and giving her money.Any other little extra things you do for her as a favor.If she needs your help with something do not help her. If she needs advice or she needs a ride somewhere. I would do this for about a week. Then she should start to relize how important you are to her and how she needs to really respect you as her mother.She should not be treating you any type of way she feels like thats unexceptable!
  • The essay. She'll just go over a friend's house and use a computer.
  • Maybe the essay, but I'd be more concerned with the relationship breaking down. She may be a teen now but that does not have to mean the relationship gets worse. Teach her a better way to deal with growing up instead of dealing out heavy handed punishments!
  • Both. Since she won't be on the computer she'll have plenty of time to do an essay.
  • I agree with most all of these answers, the essay, grounding her , and especially the talk to get to the bottom of it. But I also think it depends on the daughter, not every child is alike and some approaches work better for some children than others. You know her better than anyone here on AB and I'm sure you've found the appropriate way to deal with this because your own suggestions sounded very reasonable! :)
  • Honestly? both! And I think I might add tv to the list too. I know current educational theory says not to use writing as a punishment, but having been punished in that way didn't keep me from writing two (as yet unpublished) novels. My guess is that your daughter might have to do some research to even know what you do in a week, and that might make her think. Be advised that a thirteen year old has more hormones than brain cells. She is going to be the queen of the extreme emotions for a year or so. But that doesn't mean that she can't be thinking about the consequences of her actions. And that doesn't mean that she shouldn't be respectful and responsible.
  • Do you think kids give a flying F*ck what you do for them? what will the essay do... stroke your ego??? Kids only understand action. Let the kid know they have the right to believe anything they want but the way they approached it, was poorly done, and for that make them scrub the floors with a toothbrush all day everyday for a week. BTW, what caused the outburst? kind loving words from you? As much as i disagree what the child did, its usually not all one sided.
  • I would not bother with the Essay and just say; No computer for Three Months INcluding schoolwork, meaning Hand Write everything. No I-Pod, MP-3 or Cell phone or anything like that. Home after school and on Weekends too- No Exceptions and there Will be Chores! Before doing this you might want to take off all the doors in the house. Ther is NO Exception for this! Second offence the College fund will be gone!
  • Get her to choose which.
  • If I had to choose out of those two particular things...I would say go with the computer. I would HATE to be banned from my computer for a week.
  • Actually, even though my daughter is 16, the one thing she cannot live without, is her cell phone. Took it from her one time. Kept it for almost a week. She was telling me, "Mom, you can ground me just give me back my phone." It was almost like watching someone go through drug withdrawal. Once she got the phone back...no more problems. LOL.
  • 100 words are not enough to describe how much a mother does for her daughter. Make her really think about what she said...an essay should be as long as it needs to be. :D
  • i would say after shes done writing a 1000 word essay (yes 1000, 100 is way too short) on her computer i would ground her from it for the week. i think then she will learn her lesson :D
  • The essay. It will make her realize all the things that are done for her as she writes them down. In the end, punishment is about changing behavior, and she needs the attitide change that the essay could provide. Good Luck!
  • Both, and also put hot sauce in her mouth.
  • Perhaps an essay on the topic of respect would do a better job of teaching her a valuable lesson. That being that mean and hateful words are disrespectful and hurtful to anybody she uses them on. Especially, her mother :)
  • Make her write the 1000 word essay by hand. Not on the computer. As a society our handwriting is getting worse by the day so she will get two lessons in one. The essay is a great idea.
  • When I was 13 I got spanked for my misbehaviour.
  • 12-28-2016 Well, what is your problem? You have had 13 years to gain this child's trust and you have failed to build a relationship. And you want to punish her for your failure? You need to take some time to yourself and figure out what you are doing wrong.
  • Your question is good and as many have said having her do both is a good idea. However why would she do so in the first place? This isn't something that has just popped up out of nowhere. How has your communication been with her for the past 6 months or more? Have you really listened to her when she has tried to talk to you or have you been too busy doing your own thing. I suggest you sit down with her and have a quiet no screaming or arguing conversation with her. Find out what has caused this outrage. You need to explain to her what her "rules" are and they should be equal with her age and maturity. She isn't a small child nor is she an adult. She is at a very difficult stage in her life with many things changing in her life and body. Above all do not argue or turn into a shouting match. Listen to what she says and help her work out her problems and situations. You may not like some of the things she may relate to you but stay calm. Make sure you love her and tell her so.
    • dickw60
      Oh, and maybe you should be willing to also write a 500 word paper on how you would like to work with your daughter in solving her problems.

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