... Note that I have no evidence that the relationship is, in fact, abusive. So, therefore, I can't give any advice, except that you MUST make sure that the relationship is abusive. If you don't, you'll look really stupid. Other than that, I need more information.

Yes, no matter what her decision make her realise you'll ALWAYS support her and be there for her. From the outside looking in its easy to tell someone or advise them what to do but when a person settles in their ways or grows reliant on the person theyre with, it can be hard for them to focus on anything different and it all seems very scary. I'm speaking from experience from both perspectives

Girl to be honest with you... I was in a asbusive relationship and let me say it's one of the hardest to let go. I know how she feels, she loves him way too much and has way too much hope inside of her to just let him go. The only way she will be able to be free from this is by realizing it herself. She won't listen to you because as of now she is blinded by that guy, nothing you.. or anyone says will make her leave him. It's her own wise decision. You could support her... because obviously you love her but this is something she has to handle herself.. and I seriously hope she finds out soon what this relationship really means, not like me, I had the chance to leave the guy but didnt because I was convinced it was true love... instead at the last moment he left me for another woman so I learned the hard way. So it's like this, in life you either learn the hard way or the easy way... you can't choose that path for anyone. Good luck

She's not going to leave until her cup is full. The more someone tells her to leave the tighter grip she will have on the man. What seems so clean cut to us is a wicked mess to them. She'll know when she's had enough. 9 times out of 10 he will be the one leaving her though. Then she will get to live with that haunting her for years to come... I have many "dependent" friends who think they have to have someone in their lives good, bad, ugly or all 3 in one. I quit telling them what I think they should do and allow them to find out what an ass they made themselves look like once the water is under the bridge (I added a video that made me laugh but it's funny in a true WTF kinda way)

I would tell her that if she doesn't want to end it with him then don't tell you about it. She only gets treated in a way that she allows. I was with a jerk for six years and I knew by year four that my friends were tired of hearing about it. I have a friend who is with an alcoholic jerk (I have known him my whole life, longer then her) I tell her I don't want to hear her be sad because he is an ass, she knows how he is and chooses to stay with him.

If your friend won't help herself, and also won't let her friends (you) help her, there really isn't anything you can do...Except maybe call the police or the equivalent to let them know what is going on - but if you do that, you risk your friendship.

Sometimes the effects of abuse are harder to deal with when witnessing it as opposed to being subjected to it, and only when the the one subjected to it finds their own inner strength will they be ready to walk away from that which harms them. I well know how much this hurts you and i am truly sorry for your friend and for those affected by what she is living with. There is no easy or right answer and all you can do as her friend is comfort and support her as needed, let her know you will help her should she decide to leave, and as hard as it will be to do .. do not push her to leave. That will likely make her stay longer for fear of what she may see as her own personal failure to make the relationship work.

You need to understand that it's not always about being in love with him or being in denial about the relationship in general. There is alot of fear in this that has little to do with those things. There is a fear of humiliation when everyone (family and freinds) find out. What will they think of me, will they think I'm lying, or I'm stupid for chosen such a man, or the fear of hearing 'I told you so'. There is a lot of fear involved with the unknown. Our survival skills at some point kick in to a point where we know how to tip-toe around conversations and moods sometimes, and we figure that we know how to deal with it all. Some of us don't know anything about shelters other than the fact that they exist, we have bills to pay and children to feed and we get that done. But we don't know what the shelters provide other than "a way out". A shelter may do that, but we aren't told what comes next, at least at home we believe that we know. I had no education, no job, no money or transportation, and three kids that he threatened to have taken away from me on a regular basis. Did I mention his mother defending him every step of the way? I felt that I had no way out. You can only try to be supportive, otherwise she won't come to you when she needs you the most.

I have finally told my best friend that I can't support her anymore with her abusive relationship (on both sides) ie.hitting, pushing, name calling. It breaks my heart but after a year and a half of incidents like the police bringing her to my doorstep at 4 in the morning b/c she was instigating a fight, taking her to the women's shelter for help, and constantly listening to the abuse, I had to say goodbye. The truth really is that your friend will not leave this man until she decides to. It's frustrating for friends because it is so sad/tragic to see your friend suffer. Honestly, and this what her counsellor at the abuse shelter said, she's going to have to hit rock bottom before she does anything. Friends will stop calling and answering their phones because they feel helpless. This is what happens in an abusive relationship. The woman becomes more and more isolated. I believe that after awhile, if you are finding this too stressful for you to deal with and it is starting to affect you in negative ways, you need to protect yourself and at least take a break for awhile. Since I broke it off I have felt much better and less stressed about not being able to help someone who constantly goes back to an abusive situation. It hurts though because I feel like the friend I knew is not there anymore, but hidden underneath all of the crap. Best wishes to you and remember your health in this is important as well!