If there's any flow of cash from you to her, stop it. That might get her attention. I appreciate her desire to become independent but there is no excuse for disrespecting your parents.

One possible approach to try is this: take two pieces of paper; in one, ask her to fill in what she expects of you; on the other, you will fill in what you expect of her. Do this in as friendly, non-confrontative manner as you can. Then, before reading each other's part, make a commitment with yourself and each other to be open minded about what you're going to read. She has to respect her parents, true. But her parents have to accept she is now an adult, too, or else she might feel disrespected herself.

Absolutely nothing. There's nothing you can do. She's 19, of age, in college, not under your roof and doesn't have to answer to you at all. Get off her back.

As a Junior in college I can say that I had and still have at times this problem with my parents as do many of my friends. It does help to discuss it, talk about the rules but do try to understand that she wants and deserves more freedom. I lived away from home my first semester. My parents never knew what I was up to, when I went out, where I was going, when I came home, when I went to bed, etc. To transfer to a local school and live at home was a total culture shock for me my second semester. Getting back into the habit of calling my mother to tell her where I was and when I was going to be home was really tough on me, but I understood her reasons for doing it. As long as I called my mom to tell her roughly when I was going to be home she seemed to be fine with me staying out til whenever. My parents though always really trusted me though and it was never part of our relationship that I had to 'ask' to go somewhere. Although if I know in advance that I'm planning on going somewhere for the weekend I let her know far in advance and make sure I called when I got to my destination or planned on leaving. As for the disrespectful thing. She is an adult but she is still a teenager. That is not an excuse just a reason. Hoped this helped a little....

There is precious little that you can do, to be honest - she is simply growing up, that's all. She's 19 and this is her first taste of freedom, away from home, doing her own thing. Be honest, if you were in her, would you really do any differently? This is normal behaviour for a 19 year old, away at college. Would you call and ask permission to go out somewhere at the weekend? Would you, really? I wouldn't and I suspect that you wouldn't either. She speaks disrespectfully because she is having her first taste of what it is like to be an adult and this means, not having to answer to anybody she does not choose to. This is normal. Don't expect her to call you, don't bark orders down the phone because you will only get upset when she ignores you. At 19, most of us think parents are dinosaurs and we know it all. We are cocky, mouthy and nobody knows the world better than we do. Let her carry on as she is, she's just testing the water, that's all. What you have to do, is sit back and wait for a while (and this could be quite a long time). If you push her, she will respond by doing the opposite. Let her go and allow her this freedom because by taking a back seat now, she will return later on. Don't expect calls, letters or her to visit of her own freewill. Right now, she is finding her way, independent of you and that is good, really good. She is learning to make her own decisions and must be allowed to do so without hinderance from you. Yes, she will make horrific mistakes but that is not reason enough not to make them. Worry not, she will come back to you in time but not as a child, instead a young woman of whom you can be proud. And of course, she will never know how you spent god knows how many years, pulling your hair out and worrying yourself to death on a daily basis.

I do not want to micro manage her life and I do not want to know everything she does. I want her to show respect for us. I don't want her to ask permission to do things, I want her to say "hey mom, do we (family) have plans or anything going on because I'm going to make plans if we don't". Just call and say "hey mom all is going good". I don't think after 19 years that's asking to much. When she gets defensive when we talk I feel she has something to hide. I want her to take over her life, I just want her happy when she is around her family.

If she's living at college, it's pretty natural for her to expect that she will be making most of the day to day "calls" as to where she's going during the weekends on her own. However, parents do deserve respect -- especially if they are footing the bills for college. Let's face it, until she's supporting herself, she's really not living as an adult. I suggest only curtailing her activities when she is home and they affect you. While she's at school, as long as she's living within her budget, just insist on the respect.

She is 18...let her be herself....but if she wants to talk disrespectful then dont talk to her...;)

I don't think that she needs to ask to go somewhere for the weekend. Now 33 and parent of 2, I was 17 when I moved to a different state and made my own decisions. I did have to call my room mates so they wouldn't worry, but expecting your 19 year old to ask to do something is a invading her need for independancy. Don't call her, ask that she calls you to keep you posted on how long she will be out. You see, she feels as though you dont trust her and if you don't, you need to or you will push her away. She needs to be treated as an adult in the home, afterall, she is an adult. If there is a family event, aske her to participate, otherwise give her some freedom. Parents have many fears and to try and control their own ill feelings, they often try to control their children. This cause your child to feel disrespected and therefore disrespects you. In return for respecting her needs, ask that she respects yours. You have decided to compromise, now you expect for her to treat you with respect.

If she is living with you, she should definitely provide you with info on when she'll be home or won't be home. This is something all people in any household should do. It's respectful to all that live there. If she does not live with you, requesting that she give you a call, text you, email you or some other kind of contact once a week or so is not asking too much. However, she is under no obligation to do so. (Texting can be done with a yahoo email account if you don't have that feature on a cell phone.)

I also have a daughter in college, freshman year. Her behavior toward me is hurting like hell. We were very close but now she seems to feel no conscience about not returning calls, emails, etc. I KNOW she is growing up and needs space, all I want is a 2 min. phone call every few days to say hello. When I call her, she is rude, as she was when we visited her - even though she said we should come. It feels like she has turned to ice. Parenting a kid who acts like this is awful. And p.s., we are paying her entire way. I think this behavior goes beyond independence to narcissism and rudeness.

She probably views you as smothering her or trying to control her now that she is technically an adult. Is she away at school or living at home? If she is away at school, she probably has friends and things to do and wants to be independent. Monitor how often you call and why you call. Could she perceive that you are checking up on her and that you doubt her ability to make sound choices. It sounds like she also feels she is being disrespected. Ask her what she wants to feel respected. Tell her what you want to feel respected but you may have to compromise and let go a little. Children all leave the nest and grow up and need to learn from their own life experiences.