My ex has been in our local pub telling lies about me to people in there we both know, I tend to keep myself to myself so this has hurt me alot, I am torn between gouging his eyeballs out with a spoon or fume in silence whilst it blows over...best option?
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kitty loves you
ANSWERS: 6
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A third option would be best. I say confront him as he is running his mouth and firmly correct his stories about you. Just make sure that he is, in fact, talking about you. You don't want to run in there and end up looking drunk when you are sober.
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Well, in between those two choices are a lot more you're not seeing right now. It isn't really either-or, it's more like: What is going to satisfy both needs without getting too extreme. Tell him to stop, first of all - confront him as an adult. Second, start hanging out in the pub more. Reclaim your territory. Perhaps even take a date in there. If you're present he's much less likely to talk shit. And it will be good to get out and about - as it always is after a breakup. Get back into the swing of things.
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In a way, you are going to owe your ex a thank you once it's all said and done. He is going to inadvertantly show you who your real friends are. People who are your friends would never belive crap like that. Not only that, instead of judging you, they would come right out and ask you whether certain things were true or not. I tend to keep to myself in those situations, too. But that's a good thing! You don't really want to be mealy-mouthed. To smart, observant people, your lack of input into those conversations will shed a very nice light on you and make your ex look like total shit. Please note though, that it is not the majority of people who are smart and observant. You are choosing quality over quantity in these instances. Finally, please DO recognize that it is a bar, not an ivy league university.
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Confront him about it. One of two things will happen. Either he'll respect you and your feelings enough to correct his behavior OR you'll end a relationship that was doomed anyways. I mean, if he doesn't respect you, do you want to be with him?
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Waiting for the whole thing to blow over might be easier, but a more foreward strategy might help more and repair your reputation. Try visiting the same bar and or people and acting as if there is nothing wrong. Then if anyone mentions the ex (or if you feel like talkign about them) you should say nothing but wonderful things about them. This makes them seem like the "crazy" ex while making you out to be the victim and a nice person. Being nice every once and a while will make a reputation that is unbreakable by lies without proof. Don't let the lies ruin your life.
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It's probably not going to just blow over because hidden anger is just that, hidden. Even in the best of relationships some arguements need to be had. If you don't say something you are pretty much telling him that it'a okay to treat you that way. Then he gets to look at you as though you have two heads when you try to put your foot down later...and later will come.
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