ANSWERS: 9
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Tell him exactly what you told us: you cheated, you didn't mean to do it, and you're sorry. Also add, it'll never happen again (and mean it!) Before you tell him, make arrangements for you and your husband to attend marriage counseling or some other kind of therapy...that way, when you spring this on him, you'll have already made a step to make things right. He will appreciate that. Things may be hard for a while...be prepared to be patient with each other...but you guys haven't been married 13 years for nothing...I'm confident things will work out for you. I wish you the very best of luck.
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do not tell him anything. just forget it happened.
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I think a very important question you need to answer is whether this might be the beginning of a behavior pattern with you. SOmething is wrong with the marriage if you started cheating after 13 years. Get into councelling QUICK! He is missing the red flags you are throwing out, and you aren't communicating your needs effectively enough to him.
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People who have been molested tend to have low self esteem to begin with. They tend to wonder if it was somehow their fault. People who stray outside their marriage vows do so because they tend to be seeking something that they aren't getting from their spouse. It can be attention, validation, understanding or confirmation that they are still desirable - or many other things. It can also be because they fear letting someone close - also a symptom of someone who was molested. I agree that marriage counciling could help your marriage, but you could also consider individual counciling for yourself, to help you move past the issues that the molestation left inside you. If your husband knows you cheated, talk to him and let him know what's in your heart and let him know you want to save your relationship...but if he doesn't know you cheated and couldn't find out without you telling him, I'd suggest just putting it behind you and keeping quiet because telling him will just hurt him - and could destroy the trust in your relationship.
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i doubt the fact that you were the victim of child sex abuse has much to do with why you cheated on your husband after 13 years of marriage. there is s problem in your relationship with your partner and you need to fix it.
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what has this to do with the price of eggs?
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I don't get the tie in. I was molested at 9 and I've never thought of cheating. Don't hide behind your victim status. You made a mistake and should own up to it. And take it from someone who has been cheated on, don't have sex with him until you've gotten yourself tested. If you really love him then it will be far worse on you and him both if he ends up with something from your impromptu affair.
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don't use the molestation as an excuse because it isn't one. You screwed up, and you should tell your husband. He might get mad, or upset, or something, but if you both really love each other, you'll work it out.
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Did you cheat on your husband with your step-father?
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