Kind of, but it's not really a diary. It's a Book of Shadows for video games lol.
It has anything in it. Notes, technical video game stuff like crude maps, passwords, places to check later or how to do what when where, quotes from games, books or movies, drawings when I get bored or inspired, lists of things to do or buy, sudden and great thoughts about trivial, mundane or ominous subjects like my hair or philosophy, poems, a bunch of nonsense, three pages covered in negative words like death, blood, die, sorrow and so on from once when I was really mad, a lot of other things that reflect something I was feeling at the time. Also a really badly done portrait of someone I'm seeing now that I literally kissed and purposely spread lipstick on, I wonder what he'd say if he saw that? XD
And yes, some ''entries'' as well.
These ''entries'' are disguised though, usually through abnormal forms of speech or even through the voices or minds of characters I create that would make absolutely no sense to anyone who read it but me, because although a diary basically is made to be read, or so they say, I don't want people to read mine, so if anyone finds it they'll just think I'm nuts.
I don't care if they think I need help, as long as they don't make sense of what I'm actually saying in it.
It's an old green Hibroy notebook with about 300 pages, the cover is hanging by a strand, half the pages are soon going to fall out, it has coffee stains on it, the bottom of most pages are all deformed from once when I went camping and took it on a boat and water splashed on it, but I can't get rid of it. Also, I tried to name it. A lot of pages have drawn on titles, but none of them work or stick. It's just, my book lol.
I've tried often to to start in a new notebook or art book, even bought new ones, but it seems like I can't put it away until either all the pages are filled or it falls apart. It's like a part of my soul, even if it's just this dirty old scrap book thing.
As I also use it to store addresses, phone numbers, e-mails and it even has some job search information in it from when I first got it, anyone who sees it completely disapproves of its appearance and what it's used for, because apparently I should get a neat little digital organizer or phone book to go with the rest of my neat freak self.
But the hell with it, I like what I consider a physical testament to whatever a soul is. It may not be much at all, but it's mine, and pretty personal in a way. XD
Comments
thank you for the answer(:
yea i pretty much agree with everything you said about looking back.
its always been hard for me to keep a journal but i have for like a month now so thats good.
it makes me feel better, the whole it doesnt seem like a big seal now thing, because it helps me know things are going to be better some time.
by lizzie4MM on December 3rd, 2010