My divorce decree states that I pay 1/2 of daycare, medical, and dental (I have joint custody). My ex wife expects me to pay half of everything-extracurricular activites, registration fees for daycare, etc... How do I handle it
by 
Deepyke
ANSWERS: 14
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Through your respective attorneys.
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pay
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Well, in my opinion, since you are at least half responsible for the creation of said child, it makes sense that you should pay half of anything he or she is involved in. Why would you expect to pay any less? And more importantly, why should your wife have to assume the burden for your child's extracurricular activities or daycare expenses? Fair is fair, and unless your wife earns substantially more money than you do, you should pay it. You might want to start thinking about that college fund now, too.
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They are your children too, so why shouldn't you have to help pay for "extras" that your children need. Look at it this way, if you were still married and they still lived with you, what would you be paying for? Just because they live with your ex wife and don't live with you full time doesn't make you any less responsible for their lives including all the extras they would want. Of course you do draw a line some places where it's your ex that wants certain things and not your kids. Good luck, I know it sucks..
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You should pay for 1/2 of everything for your children, they are your children too. It is your responsibility along w/ your ex to make sure your kids have a good life. Don't forget they will need help w/ a car and insurance to get them to the college that you and your ex equally need to save for.
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My ex and I have an agreement. If I sign my daughter up for something, I pay for it; if he signs her up, he pays for it. We both go to the events and watch and enjoy it. We both love our daughter and have a very amicable divorce, but if I want her to take gymnastics, I check with him to make sure the timing is okay in the event it ever overlaps with his time with her, but I absorb the cost. Otherwise, the other parent can incur unreasonable expenses that the one parent has no control over. If money were not an object, that would be no problem, but for many of us, it is. I am a mother and I share custody. I also pay child support. I do not have any extra cash floating around at the end of the month. If my ex signed my daughter up for a class that cost $100, it would be difficult for me to pay. Not because I am a bad parent or frivolous, but because I have a budget for myself and my daughter - extras like that cannot be accommodated without significant advance planning
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Deanna, I agree that your answer was a good one. It seems that you and your ex are very mature. I don't think it makes sense for both parents to pay for 1/2 of everything BEYOND necessities. One parent may try to sign the child up for every activity under the sun, and the other parent should not be expected to share the costs if they didn't agree to allow the child to participate in said activity. Boundaries are a must when raising children separately, and both parents need to communicate well with each other regarding the needs and expenses of the child. Expecting the other parent to pay for extra-curricular things all willy nilly is ridiculous. If the father wants to enroll the child in an activity, he needs to pay. If the mother does, she needs to pay UNLESS BOTH parties agree.
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Stand up for yourself and say "I won't" Next time get a pre-nup.
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@ Anonymous, "extras" are not a need, they are a priviledge. There are many children who don't know where their next meal is coming from, so not allowing the child to participate in soccer is not a "need" for many families. If the family can afford to allow for the child to participate in extra-curricular activities, great. But when in joint custody situations, one parent should not be able to sign a child up for something and expect the other parent to pay if the parent did not agree to that. The other parent may not have the money for extras, only the basics and there is nothing wrong with that. If the other parent has extra money that allows for them to pay for extra activities, that is all well and good, and they should assume the responsibility alone. As long as the child's needs are met, everything else is negotiable.
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You handle it by paying the freaking fees. This is a problem because why? Are you cheap or just selfish? You made a baby with her, you share responsibility. Those are all expenses that you would be contributing to if you lived with the mother or had the kids full-time. Why should she have to pay more than you do? Boys, if you can't afford the expenses of fatherhood, get a vasectomy or use a condom for gods sake. Kids are very expensive!
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This has to be worked out to the penny by your and hers attorney as in accordance with the laws of your place of residence and the judgment rendered. Period. If you try and do it with her it will cause more problems.
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why shouldn't you pay half of everything?
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If you pay her child support then no I dont think that you need to pay for half of everything. If she wants the kids in the extra curricular activites then she can pay for them. If you want your kids in other extra curricular activites then you should pay for them. If its what you both want then you should split the cost.
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You should pay for exactly what the court says you have to pay. You can pay for whatever else YOU feel is appropriate. - To all the people who claim that Deepyke should just "shut up and pay," think about what you are saying. The courts said he has to pay $X, and he is paying it. If the mother wants to sign the child up for some expensive summer camp, why should he be required to pay? If they agree that the summer camp is a good thing and together decide to shoulder the burdon, great, but the ex-wife should not have that kind of economic power over him.
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