Sounds like you're dating Jeannine, my ex. This is DEFINITELY an abusive relationship. The fact that she looks down on the things you like and tries to cram her own hobbies and interests down your throat is definitely an indication of this. And the fact that she's becoming argumentative and angry when you want to see her for more than twice a week...well that's just ridiculous. There are some people out there who don't understand what being in a relationship means. Like I said at the beginning, it sounds like you're dating one of my exes...she was just completely clueless on how to go about a relationship. Never liked or wanted to know about any of my interests, and only wanted to be together on weekends, not any other time. Since you say this is your ex-girlfriend, then i'm glad you're not stuck in that relationship anymore. So yes, you were on the receiving end of an abusive relationship. Abuse is not only physical...it has a broad definition and includes verbal abuse, emotional abuse...many different variations. To me, it sounds like this was a case of emotional and verbal abuse. Verbal, being that she became argumentative and accused you of smothering, and emotional because i'm sure she made you feel like dirt when she became combative and looked down on your interests. There's a rather ridiculous myth that only men are responsible for abuse in relationships. Clearly, the people who think that are dumb as dirt. As your question proves, women can be just as abusive as anyone in any relationship.

Some people are just like that-it's all about them! I noticed you used the word combative and I do agree that verbal assaults can be abusive. If she did not enjoy sharing your interests, then she could have simply said so without being critical or forcing her interests on you. There were clearly better and more healthy ways for her to have approached this. The good news is, she is your EX-girlfriend. If you ever run up against this again, I have found that an effective way to handle it is to ask: If you find so much fault with me and constantly criticize me, then why are you still dating me? Two outcomes possible: She says you're right and dumps you. Or she then makes an effort to focus on what she likes about you rather than what she doesn't and the criticism stops (or is at least substantially decreased).

Sure, you can call her "abusive," but you'd be safer facing the truth about why you are drawn to anyone like that, and drawn enough to post a question about her here. Perhaps she's just a fluke for you, but perhaps she's a perfect "tester or frustrator" of some long-embedded issue of your own heart, and if you don't flush that issue out for real, you will only have to face it in another relationship. I guarantee that she is a walking time-bomb because she has not faced and ealt with several deeply rooted issues before she breezed into your life - isn't that obvious? Well, her issues may seem extreme, but the fact is you're playing a role in a previously written script of her life, and she is playing a pre-scripted role in your life too. I'm not talking about fate or kharma, but rather about the fact that we all have issues to face and you can run but you can't hide from them forever. We try but in the end we have to stop and face things that repeat in our lives because someone "sowed" those issues into our live at some point and we did not resolve them in love or in truth.

Clearly, this is abusive. Wanting to see your girlfriend 2x per week is hardly "smothering." It is only feasible that if you're dating a girl, that you would want to spend time with her. Visiting with her 2x per week is definitely not overdoing it. Bottomline: You are better off by not being in an abusive romantic relationship with her because clearly she needs counseling.

I think abusive is a bit of a strong term. It sounds more like you just weren't right for each other. Some people are just more fiercely independent than others, and will react more strongly if others try to infringe on their personal space. Some people are just more vocal about asserting their own rights and interests. She might even have got frustrated with you for not standing up for yourself, and by her combative behaviour was trying to provoke a reaction. Perhaps she was a little too vocal about asserting her needs. Perhaps she was just a nasty piece of work. Either way, she's your ex-girlfriend now, so don't worry yourself any more about it- let it go.

Yes. It is abusive. And don't look for someone like that to change unless you can talk with her about how she became that way and what you and she are going to do about in the future - i.e., get counseling. Something in her life has made her want her way. Either she got spoiled growing up and she never learned to play well with others, or she saw her mom get none of what she needed and she swore she'd never let a man's interests supersede hers. She can think you're handsome and a great person, but she won't change unless she does the "inner work" that needs to get done. You have to also realize that you are very well a magnet for this kind of girl. Face the truth about why she is that way, if she'll tell you, or just decide do you want to live with that all your life - the more you're around people like that the more you atrract them to yourself. Above all, face the truth about why you are drawn to anyone like that? If this is the only time in your life that you've been controlled by someone like this, then you possibly saw one of your parents or a sibling act that way. We all grow up seeing things in others that we don't like, we dishonor or judge them because we are too young to have any idea of how to change them. Then we get a little older and we start to think we know how they should change. (Dad should stop belittling mom, or maybe he needed to stand up to her. Mom needs to get off dad's back or maybe she needs to hit him back with a frying pan.) Then we self-righteously figure (consciously or subconsciously) that if we can see how wrong someone is, we won't be like that or have anyone like that for a mate. The problem is that what we dishonor, judge, hate and self-righteously vow to avoid about our parents relationship, is the very thing we attract until we really forgive them for not demonstrating to us a marriage worth emulating and allowing us to see too many things that weren't what we would hope for growing up. This girl in your life is perfect for testing what's really in you. Love, wisdom, confidence to face the truth, any ability to confront her with the truth in love, etc. ???? I am absolutely sure something about her is perfect for revealing where you have not yet become the man God wants you to be. Stay with her or break up if you like, but sit down and face the real truth about all that she brings up in you, and then start forgiving anyone in your life who taught you that people could be selfish and explosive and that you would always be hurt, provoked or powerless around them. I don't care if think you've got no one in your life to forgive because you don't harbor any bad feelings toward anyone. If someone taught you that women (or men) can be lkike this girl then you need to go to God in prayer and ask him to cleanse your heart of every bad example you've seen, dishonored, judged, feared and vowed to never have in your life when you grew up. If you don't flush those issues out for real, you'll only have to face it again in another relationship. She's a walking time-bomb because she has not faced and dealt with several deeply rooted issues before she breezed into your life - isn't that obvious? Her issues may seem extreme, but the fact is she is also playing a pre-scripted role in your life too. I'm not talking about fate or kharma, just the truth that what gets sowed into our lives by parents and others is what we reap, no matter how much we wish it would be otherwise. I've counseled over 1,500 married couples and seen that sowing and reaping is true in every one of them no matter what people's conscious intentions or feelings were before they got married. We all try to get what we'd prefer to what we saw sowed (or didn't see sowed at all), but in the end we have to stop and face things that repeat in our lives because someone "sowed" those issues (or the absence of certain necessties for healthy relationships) into our lives at some point and we could not resolve with childish thinking and feelings.

In my own opinion I wouldn't say it's abusive, based on the facts given. But I would definitely say that it's not a healthy relationship that appears to be very promising, which apparently isn't since she is your ex. To me it just seems like you wanted more out of the relationship than she did, I wouldn't say that's abusive on her part, just means you likely did the right thing by calling it quits with her, you'd be better off with someone who wants the same things out of the relationship as you do.

Tell her that other women out there desires men like you in thier lives.

There r other reasons for this behaviour than being abusive. The girl just needs her space. I know this from personal experience. When you have a full time job or in university you have only so much time in the day. Some people like time to themselves to unwind and/or are busy dealing with domestic chores. The smothering thing may be because she is not used to it in her life. On the otherhand, she may just not of been all that "into you".

No..it's not abusive. Especially since you're not together anymore.

My story was the Stuff of Legend.. I met this great woman completely by accident in a way that still leaves me guessing. We had instant chemistry and immediately hit it off. Both with great energy; a crazy sense of humor; interdependent as well as independent people. We would talk about how beautiful/handsome and special the other person was and how wonderful and non-pressured and open our conversations were. Texting first thing in the morning and throughout the day; phone calls to and from each other; jokes about work and such; and, making plans for each other at least twice a week. It was no whirlwind- we didn't hook up or even get intimate with each other right away- and one night in Manhattan over dinner we looked at each other and knew it was right. We made the relationship official.. The first six weeks were great. Whenever she was out with friends during a time I was committed to work, we'd always extend the invitation even if we knew the other couldn't go- just to let them know we're thinking about them. It was our way.. to show gratitude for each other's place in our lives and to build trust. Dinners, walks, chilling at home, inviting her over to cook dinner for her and an occasional "breakfast" with a great night out on New Year's Eve. ..and then The Dark Times came.. After six weeks of growing closer together, an ex appeared on the scene. I was the unfortunate recipient of a text message intended for a friend of hers. It read that she had become physically ill and vomited at the sight of her ex-boyfriend and his mother, whom she was still very close to. Politely, I texted her back and said that this message may have been meant for someone else. We met at a coffee bar a few hours later. She looked like she hadn't eaten and like she had been crying. I heard a story of how he attempted to get her fired from her high-paying job with fabricated claims of HIPAA privacy violations; the restraining order; his imposing on her personal and emotional freedoms; and, how he had used his computer savvy to wreak havoc on the lives of people who came into her life. Finally, she told me that she did not want me to be involved in "baggage or her drama" and that it "wasn't fair to you". I was supportive- told her that I would be there for her; that I wasn't going anywhere; that I was patient; and that I was there to be a good listener and not offer any solutions. She returned her phone calls less; sent less texts; and she took the space she needed while still being in a relationship. During her travels to and from work or out with friends, she would tell me that all she could talk about was "my boyfriend does this for me" and "my boyfriend cares because he does (that)". That made me feel good; but, I could sense she was hurting. I could also sense that- while both she and I were in a room physically alone- there was a third "person" in the room.. her ex.. and I did not "invite" him in. Still, I was patient and I understood, but I expressed concern about how his presence was negatively affecting her mood and her attitude towards me. The thing she told me next was even more surprising but very honest and telling- that when she was with me she could "feel an argument coming" because during conversations about planning an outing together her ex-boyfriend placed inhumane and abusive limits on her personal freedoms with friends and family.. and that every now and again she might react that way to me. This was not a good sign. To answer the question- in my case, it was abusive; but, I believe she was protecting herself from a perceived threat. The damage, by her own admission, was so deep that she my current actions of support, love and attention through the glasses of her ex-boyfriend's motives. My motives- to show support and to listen and be her partner- were pure; her abusive ex's motives were for domination, intimidation and control. But- if you are a man or woman who is feeling threatened and you have not resolved these issues before entering into a relationship, then you shouldn't have entered the relationship with me in the first place. That in itself is a form of abuse- if you knowingly subject someone to something that you know will do them harm for their own benefit. Not being honest with herself in a sense leads to not being honest with someone else- especially your significant other who cares about you- is also a form of abuse if the intent is not pure. I don't believe that a person willingly attracts and "tries to save" persons who have unresolved pasts as part of some universal pattern. I do, however, believe that you cannot be honest with someone else unless you are honest with yourself and- in this world- many pose to be something they are not to attain something they wish they had.. in hopes to acquire the qualities of or to be with someone they wish they could be.

No...welcome to the club

This is called a relationship. With a girl. Or I should say, the end of one.