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by CeeCee on February 18th, 2008

CeeCee

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I have a huge question that will not fit in this box. Will someone please read my answer and give me some help? It is a relationship problem and i need some advice and support. I am alone in this decision making and it is ripping me up

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Answers. 12 helpful answers below.

  • by Sweet T on March 10th, 2008

    Sweet T

    You don't share you partner. What are thinking? If you are in a committed relationship, you are supposed to be committed. If he loved you, he wouldnt want another woman, same goes for you, when you cheated on him. He at least had permission, you were being sneaky. If he wants other women, then go get them, but I wouldnt wait around, I am not a floormat.

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  • by fairyland1 on August 25th, 2008

    fairyland1

    I would like to help. I have been through a few storms and am surviving.What is it that is ripping you up? I'm new to the site and not great with tech, have I missed a detailed account?

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  • by Anonymous on April 26th, 2008

    Anonymous

    How can someone be in a true, loving, relationship when they're having sex with other people? It makes it seem you're not enough. I say you ditch him, because he clearly doesn't find you to be enough to satisfy his every need and want, and is rather immature and selfish. You can seriously do much better.

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  • by Lonely-Girl on April 26th, 2008

    Lonely-Girl

    What you are saying does not make any sense, you guys dont have a relationship if you see other people, you have no respect for each other, there is no point of calling this a relationship. When you love someone you don't have sex with other people.

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  • by Empress of Everything Ever on March 10th, 2008

    Empress of Everything Ever

    Let him go....you have given him a huge boost and now he is playing on that. Do not let him take you down just so he can take himself up.
    Sorry but right now he is going through a spoilt little boy selfish stage and some never get over it.
    I would really seriously let it go. Tell him to get it all out of his system and then when he doesn't need the ego boost these girls are giving him to call you. In the meantime get on with your life too. Who knows you may meet a guy who has gone through this and is actually ready to be with one special person and that could be you. So what this current guy will miss out - but that seems to be his choice too. Right now he has the best of everything a girl at home who will allow him to roam and a city full of girls just waiting to serve him. He won't want this to change and may accuse you of all sorts of things to keep you where he wants you so he can be where he wants to be. Relationships are two way and it seems to me that he wants it all his way right now. So let him have it all his way and take your way, away. (Sorry about that it's just how it comes out).
    I am truly sorry that this is not working out for you but you have had a great time with him and learnt alot and grown up and gained more experience from who you used to be - so use that now and grow further and stronger and be better and go from him and become yourself and be ready for either him a little later or another special someone in your future. You don't have to accept secondbest and a little less from anyone. Don't de-value yourself for him - if this is going to work out at any stage then you need to be equals with each other and if he can't or won't accept that then say goodbye and walk away with your pride and dignity and self esteem intact knowing that you did your best and now is the time to do your best somewhere else. (Sorry if this is sounding a little cliched but the old trite and true are still trite and true because they make sense and work).
    Goodluck be strong and don't ever be afraid of being by youself for a while a little soliture at times can give you perspective and space.
    (Hugs and kisses)

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  • by Anonymous on March 10th, 2008

    Anonymous

    End the relationship and start over with someone else. You've done a fine job of lousing this one up. First, in that you cheated on him and secondly, how much dumber could you have been than to share your boy with another girl? What were you thinking? The guy has it made.

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  • by LJPearl on March 10th, 2008

    LJPearl

    This is a difficult question to answer because I view things differently than you do.
    If you are in a monogamous relationship, then you are just with that one person. I don't think I'd be comfortable with my bf sleeping with another girl. That just wouldn't sit right with me.
    Also, by allowing this, you are letting your bf think that you will just be okay with ANYTHING.
    It sounds like he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship, now that he's in the "big city" with new experiences.

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  • by CeeCee on February 18th, 2008

    CeeCee

    Ok here goes...

    I met this guy a really long time ago (who I am still with) when I met him he sounded very experienced, mainly with girls but also with life in general. We hit off extremely well and we started dating. When we went to have sex for the first time I found it was his first first time, and he was a virgin. This did not bother me at all. Through the months I found out that he had done nothing with girls (not even properly kiss them, but he had had a few naughty blow jobs (sorry if this is TMI)) he just sounded so experienced because he loved girls so much.

    We fight occasionally (maybe a little more than normal) but we both really love each other, and could not imagine life without the other one. But through our whole time of being together he has had strings of girls txt him and he really liked it (he was a shy guy with very little self confidence... from a little town and not used to “city life” as such. Now he loves it) he has kept saying no all the time because of me but in our talks he has said often about how he would love to experience life with other girls for a little while.

    They have given him a lot of self confidence, which is good for our relationship. But there has been this girl txting (let’s call her A) and I got really annoyed with everything. Trying to be modern, and save our relationship at the same time I told him that he can have sex with A but come home to me. To do it, get it over and done with and be back to how we used to be.

    Now this other girl is txting (C) and he has known her since she was 14. She was the first girl to ever have a crush on him and all that. Now she has moved up to our city for higher learning and she wants to meet up with him. I have said no as he won’t let me be with any of my ex’s even though some are good friends. He was going to meet her at town on Saturday but got too drunk (yes I was up all night with him) and in his drunken state he told me (because I had said yes to A) that he would have only hugged C but would have partied with other girls and probably let anything happen.

    I have decided to move into mothers for the mean time so he can just have sex with A and get her away from us. (I said 2 months) I don’t really feel bad about A, as I have known something like it was going to happen for ages. But I worry about weather I have made the right choice and if letting him do it is the right thing!??

    I also feel terrible because I have hooked up with a guy before (when we were going out) is this like my way to make things even?

    We live together, but I have no idea if I am leading us to a better relationship or to our doom. What do you think? And can I please please have some advice? I have not told anyone and I feel very alone in this situation.

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  • by bagicide stayed 10 months too long on August 25th, 2008

    bagicide stayed 10 months too long

    I think he is not ready for a relationship. I think he needs to grow up. Unfortunately, I think the only way he is going to grow up is if he goes through the consequences of a breakup. It sucks for you, but I think the only thing you can do is kick him to the curb and go looking for someone who is going to value you over conquest. You are worth more than this. But if you don't move on, you are dooming yourself to a lifetime of this behavior and eventually a nasty divorce.

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  • by krsnaknows on August 25th, 2008

    krsnaknows

    It is like telling someone try out this drug and see but you know very well it becomes difficult for any human being to just have 2 months of relationship and then say No!If you were there in his place what would your condition be! I have been like that and for many years I made love to only one person but the urge to go out of the way was intense so now I am unable to decide! So please do not do anything like that and do not tempt him with another person!

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  • by Dazed and Confused on August 25th, 2008

    Dazed and Confused

    Any form of trust has been completley blown out of the water in this relationship. Whether it be by your hand or his. After all this has happened, in your mind you'll never be able to fully trust him again, and you'll always wonder if you're capable of cheating again, too.

    I agree with Dave and Sweet T on this one. Whew... for your mental clarity and his, let this one go. It never had a strong base to grow upon before it crumbled.

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  • by beefpatty2go on June 13th, 2010

    beefpatty2go

    it seems he's playing you and he is going around for booty calls. Ask yourself what do you want out of this relationship...Do you want it to be exclusive? Do you want it to go to marriage? Do you want it to be casual? It sounds like a casual relationship at this point with no true commitment on his part. If you truly love this person, it should not be okay for your man to have his penis in anyone else's vagina other than yours... A real relationship is more than 'i love you.' His actions do not speak it and you could be hooking up with another guy because he's doing it and you want to feel better.

    Call this quits and find someone who really appreciates you. Not saying a guy should do all of the work to win you over, but it seems that you're putting in all this effort and.. .for what? For not respecting you nor does he appreciate you.

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