My stepdaughter's real mother chooses drugs and alcohol before her own kid. when she does come around, my stepdaughter thinks her mom is back in her life for good. This cycle keeps going on! when will my baby realize her stupid mom's a loser?(she's 12)
by 
anonymous
ANSWERS: 4
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You need to allow her to be her own person, to see things for herself and to make her own mistakes.
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Unfortunately, it may take a long time for her to realize her mother is a loser. I was not raised by my mother, but every so often she popped into my life -- wrote me letters, promised visits, etc. I went through cycles of elation and devastation, but I never quit believing because she kept telling me she loved me. Just be there for her in the bad times, and try to be happy for her when things are going good for her and her mom. Let her know you're not trying to take the place of her mother, but she always has you, no matter what. That's the best you can do for her, and let her find out the realities for herself.
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A puberty, the child's brain begins taking all the data it has absorbed since age 2, sorts, and begins developing the ability of conceptual thought. This is when they begin really examining what is happening around them, analyzing, and forming conclusions. Regardless of what you say, it will take time before she comes to really understand that her mother is not there for her. You can't hurry the process, just be there for support until she comes to understand what is happening. I've been there, 51 years ago.
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Wow. If I were you, I wouldn't call my stepdaughter's mother a stupid loser. With all due respect, in my opinion, language like that will surely only hurt your stepdaughter and make the situation worse. She's still a kid, so she could learn something about compassion from you. Just my opinion -- I realize I'm a stranger here.
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