[FULL QUESTION] Suppose you are a closeted Pagan, having a Pagan handfasting ceremony for your wedding. You invite your Christian and likewise family, but don't tell them it's a Pagan ceremony. You tone it down so it's Christian friendly, and it goes by smoothly. You think you've accomplished getting what you want and pleasing your Christian family. Do you not have some morally dirty hands here? It is against Christian religion to take part in Pagan rituals. While I think Christianity is a bunch of hooey, I still think it's their right to know what they are taking part in. Isn't that severely disrespecting their spiritual space and their religious rights?

We had pagan elements in our Catholic ceremony. Our wedding rings are clearly pagan. The ceremony was done on Halloween at 3:00pm. We simply blended the pagan with the Catholic, which if you are cleaver is very easy. We pray to Mary..In our minds she is the goddess who gave birth to the God. Our Christian families never knew because everything blended in very well. The priest was not aware either since we were both in the closet on our beliefs. The pagan symbol on our rings was later adopted by celtic missionaries to convert pagans. All of the symbolism matched perfectly for both Christian and pagan intent. We researched everything thoroughly so as to not break catholic rules while still in our hearts honoring the God/goddess. Is this immoral? Not to me. The Christians got a nice "Christian ceremony" and the pagans were smiling too. Our intent was to be married we love eachother we accomplished this in front of a family who loved us. We followed Catholic procedure because much of it really is adopted from pre-christian times anyway to convert the Roman populous. So we both have a clear conscience. Whether you agree or not is of no material to me. Our intent was pure and our motives just. Pagans have by necessity done this for centuries and will continue unfortunately to have to do this.

I can see validity in both arguments. I've never thought about this because I was never particularly closeted about my Pagan religion, even in my youth (I'm now 54). I've performed a number of handfastings and the parties involved were anything but closeted. I don't know whether this is a "moral" issue or not. It's not something I would do, but I'm not in these peoples' shoes. I find it an interesting question, though, considering that this is the same thing that the early church did to convert people to Christianity. Some branches of Christianity are rife with Pagan elements. There are Latin American countries where to this day Yoruba and Indigenous deities are worshiped under the guise of the Christian Father, Son and the saints.

I'm actually amazed by the number of young Pagans today who are closeted about their faith. Especially given the resources, contacts, and general "mainstream-iness" available today as opposed to 35-40 years ago. I actually think folks were more open back in my day. Of course, I don't have a whole lot of contact with people outside of my circle these days so my perceptions on the issue may be a bit skewed.

I'm having my ceremony in just over 6 weeks. I do not think for a second that my hands are going to be morally dirty. I am not asking them to participate in my ritual, just to observe, and then celebrate the love my husband and I share.

I myself am pagan and in your situation I wouldn't have blended the christian beliefs with pagan. I would have just told everyone in the invites that they should be tolerant of my beliefs (if they knew what they are if not then look it up online or give me a call for explanation) or not come to my wedding. But if you felt that it was right whatever floats your boat... But my answer is that it feels kinda underhanded and disrespectfull for both religions to me (But thats just me).

I understand your situation in not wanting to alienate your family, but if it had been me (mounty Scottish b***h) I would have said, "My wedding! Screw you guys!" But then no one would have attended and I would be the black sheep forever. Why not have two separate ceremonies? I know many Pagans choose to do this. One private (just Hubby and Bridey, maybe a few Pagan friends) with very personal connection to your gods, and one public. Even if it is Christian, just think of it as a public celebration of your already existing bond. As for the eithics of it, I don't think it's very wrong. They probably wouldn't approve, but they just sat and watched, right? The most Wrong thing here is that you feel so uncomfortable (even as an independent adult) with your family about your path. Not saying it's your wrongdoing. I just wish people in general were more open-minded.

Whether you think you have "dirty hands" or not, as long as you accept any consequences responsibly, it will come back to you good or bad (and may already have happened). So it's not something that you should allow to bother you for too long. It will take care of itself - just make sure that you and your s/o have a great wedding and celebrate the love you two share in a matter worth of its greatness.

What a great question. I'm not sure there *is* a "one size fits all" answer to this question. Are "white lies" ok? What keeps a "white lie" from being serious? Someone has commented that honesty is best. I go back and forth over this, because sometimes honesty causes so much pain. Yet, honesty respects the other person as someone of equal dignity, whereas deception does not. Are there times we must lie for someone else's own good? or are we just kidding ourselves when really it's for our own convenience? Assuming that it's ok sometimes, what is the guiding principle? Many Pagans - including me - think that we are called to love others. What is the loving thing to do? Then there is the survival issue. For centuries, Witches in Italy hid within the Catholic church. Some still do. Are they wrong to do so? It's not my place to judge them; I might do the same, given the right circumstances. I think the question may be misframing the issue. Guilt is not really a good approach to moral action. The question should be, What is the best response to this situation? As for me, I have an intuitive notion that the best response to any situation is honesty, and letting the chips fall where they may. That being said, I have demonstrated in my own life that I don't have the guts to always take that course. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. It makes me a work in progress.

Life is full of difficult decisions but you have started your life together based on deception and lack of respect for both paganism, the Catholic Church which you used to stage your little scam, and the people who attended your wedding. Now you're trying to scam the readers of your post into believing that paganism and Christianity are pretty much the same, anyway. They're not. You referenced Goddess, so I will assume you are Wiccan. Wicca, apart from Dianic Wicca, is duotheistic and, as such, is anathema to Christianity, which is monotheistic. There is no such thing as a blending of the two at this most fundamental level. You can not combine the Christian belief that there is ONLY ONE GOD and the Wiccan belief in Goddess and the horned god and many manifestations of same.