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by Miz Zila on December 21st, 2007

Miz Zila

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I used to be in an abusive relationship and I am having a hard time moving forward with my life. It has been three years since this has taken place. I still carry my past with me and relationships with other. No serious boyfriend since.

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Answers. 12 helpful answers below.

  • by killdrphil - reasonable for a madman on December 21st, 2007

    killdrphil - reasonable for a madman

    I don't know why your past would have anything to do with your future here. Unless, you are still clinging to your abusive boyfriend. Eh. You'll start getting interested in another relationship when the loneliness becomes stronger than the thoughts of your past.

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  • by Sanctus Insomnia on December 21st, 2007

    Sanctus Insomnia

    If you can't get over the issues brought on by the relationship, I would recomend getting counseling. A psychologist can do wonders for people on situations like yours, even just a caring friend with an open ear would be good tharapy.

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  • by Anonymous on April 22nd, 2009

    Anonymous

    u have to understand that there's going guy out there that will treat u like princess

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  • by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on May 26th, 2009

    Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot

    There is an emotional hole in you that has not been filled. You need to fill it or you will carry that past forever because you are making no new future. You don't have to go looking for a new boyfriend. Look for friends period. Be a friend, make the effort and you will get some. It is wise to be careful, since the abused often repeat the past.

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  • by CaptRon on May 26th, 2009

    CaptRon

    That's very unfortunate for you. I think this should have helped you to have a better judgement of character. Use that judgement and meet new people, there are lots of caring people that are not abusive.

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  • by Anonymous on January 12th, 2008

    Anonymous

    You are giving yourself sufficient time I am sure you have analyzed the issues from your prior relationship I think it is good you did not get involved right away it shows strength a great deal actually on your behalf you should keep those memories they will help you prevent it from happing again however that relationship should not define your life. You can look for better qualities make a list and go slow. I'd like to dedicate a song to you it is by Diana Ross and The Supremes yes it's an oldie but it's a goodie too and it's just for you it's called You Can't Hurry Love some of the words that follow are Oh you just have to wait love don't come easy it's a game of give and take etc... sing it in your head and feel pride in taking your time being particular you deserve happiness I hope you get it best wishes

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  • by Anonymous on December 23rd, 2007

    Anonymous

    I am so sorry that you went through abuse. I also have been abused so I do know what you are feeling. It helped me to join a group and learn exactly what abuse is, how it happens and learn to identify all forms of abuse. It is very good to share your experiences with others, who have gone through the same thing. I would also suggest, since it has been 3 yrs., that you seek counseling. That would do you a world of good. You have not faced what happened and you are still feeling some sort of guilt. I can say don't feel guilty..however we both know that is easier said then done. Please think over my suggestions. There is light at the end of this terrible tunnel. ((HUGS))

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  • by P_J on December 21st, 2007

    P_J

    I also was in an abusive relationship. I did not allow myself time to overcome the voids in my life and found myself in another abusive relationship worse than the first.

    Counseling and therapy groups are a wonderful thing. Please inquire into some type of therapy.

    You must remeber as GreekGod stated..."it is not your fault and you did nothing to deserve it. First most important step is to forgive yourself and realise it is not your fault."

    I have discovered...all men are not the same however, you can not move forward until you are at an acceptance point of your past. Don't live in the past...just try to accept that it happened and is behind you.

    Let the only power it has over you be the STRENGTH to move on.

    Best Wishes,
    PJ

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  • by perezgrl on December 22nd, 2007

    perezgrl

    ive been in your shoes i know how it feels. it feels like u think every man is going to do the same thing or ur not able to be in a relationship and be able to trust them 100%. this is going to sound crazy, but everyday i thank my ex for doing what he did, (half of it) becuase i would not be where i am right now. if u look at it, he made me a stronger person for my son. getting me to realize i can take a challenge through life and it wont take me down. thats what u need to realize. yeah i have scares, broken bones and lost my child. but i went through with it. i did what i had to do to keep my son alive and to keep myself alive. u did the same for urself. u got out! just think not many ppl can do what u did. u r brave. it took me years to come out and say what was happening. like everyday like its ur last and look on the goodside of what happened. ur not with him and ur a better person. one more thing, when u find someone and have a realationship with, just remember hes not ur ex. hes someone else. dont let them pay for what ur ex did. thats whats happening to me now dont know how to stop it, but thats my next step to recovery. every man is not that same. remember that and hold ur head up high. be safe and make the right choices!

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  • by LoveWaffle on December 22nd, 2007

    LoveWaffle

    All of the below answers are true and relevant and offer good advice.

    I was in a relationship that was physically/sexually abusive, to a certain extent. More than that, it was emotionally abusive.

    The only good advice I can give you is this: embrace what has happened to you. Everyday, remember it, accept that it happened, accept that it is over now, and accept that what happens to you from here on out is entirely up to you. That person and that relationship doesn't have to have a hold over you any longer. You are entirely your own person.

    Don't rush forward with a serious boyfriend, and don't feel pressured to get into a new, 'normal' relationship. I know that after an incident like that you crave normality, or a 'healthy' relationship. Don't fret if you still hae trust issues. Anyone worth your time will understand that what you went through was hard and has left you with some scars. But scars do fade.

    So don't give up hope and remember that there are more good people, and more good men, than there are bad ones. It's been nearly three years since my abusive relationship and I am now in a happy, fulfilling relationship.

    So good luck and all the best :)

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  • by lil_mother86 on December 23rd, 2007

    lil_mother86

    Its not easy! Im only 21 and I just got out of my relationship like that! There are good guys out there! Not all are like your ex! Love yourself and then you be able to let others love you! If you keep reminding yourself of him you will never get over what he did! Maybe try to forgive him and that will let yoru let go of the past! This is one of the hardest things to deal with but you will get over it when YOU are ready!

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  • by Greekgod on December 21st, 2007

    Greekgod

    My wife was in an abusive relationship. Her advice.... Get someone neutral to talk too as family does not always understand. You need to realise one important thing, it is not your fault and you did nothing to deserve it. First most important step is to forgive yourself and realise it is not your fault. Remember that you deserve real happiness and that not all men are like the one that did this to you. It is scary when you make the first step but each step after that will become easier. the best thing you can do is to talk about it. Talking lifts the weight off of your shoulders but to get professional help is a start.

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