How do you deal with someone who pulls guilt ALL THE TIME? I'm sending my daughter to see her dad for a week & my mother has been crying since I told her. She thinks I'm a bad mother for letting my daughter travel alone & be with him
by 
Little big mouth
ANSWERS: 9
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PS She does have undiagnosed mental problems
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You don't...it is your decision to make allowing your daughter to go...it is not hers. And even if she does have undiagnosed mental problems it is not your fault. You are not a bad mother. Don't let her do this to you.
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Flip it back on her, tell her she's being a bad mother for not supporting you. This is difficult for you as well, but your daughter has a right to see her father and he has a right to see his daughter. She should be helping you get through it and make it as painless as possible, not causing you heartache.
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This is a fourteen year old, right? It sounds like you're less enmeshed with your daughter than your mother is with you, and that's a *good* thing. I read somewhere, and I firmly believe it to be true, that a so-so mother is better in the long run than a terrific mother. If you have a so-so mother you turn out to be a better adjusted, more independent, and more competent adult, but if you have the world's best mother, you remain dependent. I knew a man with a wonderful mother, who was 41 before he ever moved out into his own apartment. To this day he is nothing but an overgrown nine-year-old. I know, because I was once married to him. (rolling eyes) You just do the right thing for your daughter, which is up to you to decide. Your mother is done raising you and should frankly butt the hell out. Hubby to be asks the following questions: How far is the trip, and by what means of transportation?
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just ignore her ..I know you have been through this for years and years but really ignore her ...you keep on 'biting' and the cow wins ...just tell her the last time you looked you were the mum and not ther ...you are doing the right thing by your daughter 'lisa' and thats all that counts ...you go girl !:)
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She's right to be concerned, considering his drinking. But the guilt-trip? My b/f's mother pulls that crap ALL THE TIME too. I don't pay any attention to it. That way she has no fuel for the fire. My b/f's mother knows where I stand on certain things, and I'm not afraid to tell her 'no'. Your mother is not your daughter's mom. You are. You shouldn't feel guilty for the decision you've made. The girl has the right to see her father, and vice versa. I say it's none of your mom's business. Let her know that when you need her input, you'll ask her for it.
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I am neither a guilt-giver nor a guilt-accepter...anything that has guilt as its basis cannot stand on its own and needs that crutch to "convince, wheedle, implore, demand, accuse"..nothing good comes of it.
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Is your daughter old enough to travel alone. If so, remind her that what she is saying is absurd, a daughter has more that a right to see her dad, she has a NEED. Show her that you are so convinced that you are right on this one that nothing she says is going to change your mind or influence your thinking. As long as you let her do this to you, she probably will.
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Tell her to DEAL!
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