Sorry that it's painful. The basic problem with breakups is that we try to prevent being in pain! This is sort of like the stage of "denial" after a loved one dies -- we resist that horrid aching sense of loss, and instead we swirl around inside our thoughts hoping to somehow make it all better or make the pain go away. But the pain is part of a process: you don't get to bypass it. And the longer you try to hold it at bay and keep it from tearing your heart out, the longer the process lasts. It just hurts, and there's no way to really continue your life if you're refusing to allow that pain to BE what it is. All that stuff about "focusing on me... loving myself more" is a bunch of intellectual hoopla trying to escape the pain. It's just easier to THINK about this as some sort of abstract problem than it is to FEEL the horrid wrenching sensations in your stomach, heart, body, and mind. But that's what there is to do: experience the loss just as it is. If you do that, it will shift and change on it's own, the thoughts will do what they do, and you'll come out the other side of the process with an opportunity to heal and start a new day freshly. That's called "being alive", as opposed to numbing yourself with psychobabble and conventional wisdom. Good luck.