I think when we are born we are pretty much a blank slate..the first people who write on that slate are our parents..if they are empathetic that is what we learn as our "norm"..if they are selfish, self-absorbed, superficial and uncaring or unaware of others, that is what we model.:)

I used to think that most things were learned, and then I had children. Watching them as infants and seeing traits and tendencies in them that they did not learn was an eye opener. My youngest was born with incredible empathy. My oldest was born with the ability to lead others. I think I could have modified or distorted these tendencies in them had I tried, but they came as standard equipment. I didn't add them.

I think that you are born with it but that as a child it has to be nourished.

Empathy is a natural human behaviour, it helps us learn how to interact with our peers and other beings around us. By the age of 2, children normally begin to display the fundamental behaviors of empathy by having an emotional response that corresponds with another person. Even earlier, at one year of age, infants have some rudiments of empathy, in the sense that they grasp the intentions of other people. Sometimes, toddlers will comfort others or show concern for them as early as 24 months of age. Also during the second year, toddlers will play games of falsehood or "pretend" in an effort to fool others, and this requires that the child know what others believe before he or she can manipulate those beliefs. People who do not have empathy come naturaly to them are often classified as autistic for such reasons. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy

I believe a little of both.

Empathy is an instinct, most definitely. Some are more drawn to it, others not, that's what the environment will influence. By the time they are 4 months old (yes! that young!), babies reflect their own mother's feelings (and other's that have interactions with them). They turn around and look disturbed when the mother is sad and their heartbeat accelerates when they feel anger from people around them, they look at their mother more and are more relaxed when she is happy and calm,... they feel what the other person feels, even if the feeling isn't clearly expressed to their attention. Feeling what others feel and being aware of it comes at a young age. It is necessary for their survival as their "alarm" system depends on it. But then comes the environment and maybe inhibits the empathy itself. Education with distant rapports might hinder such a personnality trait. Neglected babies, parents with contradicting responses to their regard (yelling at them when they do something good or being happy/careless with inappropriate behavior), parents that show lack of empathy themselves, etc... might make them lose that simply because they lose the sense of what empathy is... As many other things that are genetically "automatic", babies will lose it and replace it with learned behavior as time passes. Even feeding themselves will become a learned behavior! Think about it ... Hungry babies will cry until fed, and eat whenever fed, whatever is fed to them... Then you come to learn eating habits that will be your own, depending on your upbringing, that will follow you all your life... Whether you eat well, at regular hours, in huge portions, small portions, the types of food you eat, etc... Hope it helps :)