The teacher say's your child is the smartest in her class, but she feels the child is not socially ready to move forward and wants to hold them back. But she needs your approval, what do you do?

I say no, don't hold him back- he neds to continue his education, not stint it. I'd suggest after school activities that would help his social skills, rather than possible put a wrench in his learning.
Good luck, and I'm glad you have a smart kid!

I would say sod the teacher, aslong as he/she is smart enough, let him/her move onwards and upwards! The social thing will come sooner or later, maybe seek special help for it over the summer!

Right or wrong, there's a certain stigma attached to being held back a grade, and for someone who's already having trouble with his/her social skills, that might exacerbate the already existing problems and make them worse.

Without knowing specifics, I say let the child go on to the next grade and help him/her with the social development issues outside of school.

If this was the case, I would be repeating 3rd grade for the 30th time because I have no social skills to this day.

dont hold him back other kids will make fun of him which will not help at all with his social skills. move him into the next grade and get some outside school help. or something like that.

Been there, done that, told the school system to fuck off.
Then they wanted to let me skip a couple of grades. Also a bad idea as I was already younger than 95% of my classmates.

If they are not socially ready now then holding them back will only make it worse. I mean, it'll work fine if you want a 30-year-old that can get along with (third-graders (only), but if you want a kid that can deal with their peers, they MUST stay with their peers. I eventually became socially adapted.

Oh, wait.... My public school system actually had the funding and foresight to hire specialists. One of the spots on my schedule that normally would've been occupied by an elective was taken up by "S/A tutor", where S/A = Social Adaptive.
Shame your school district. Accuse them of incompetence. Let the public know that they can ONLY handle cookie-cutter kids of perfect temperament and average intellect. How do you think I got into kindergarten a year early? After all, I already had a year of schooling under my belt; they wanted me to take a year off!

Hold them back. Easy answer, a child being held back in school due to a lack of social skills is common and in some cases, such as this (or so it sounds), neccessary.

My brother went through this. I would suggest another opinion--someone who is trained in child psychology. They stuck my brother in the gifted class a year ahead of where he was supposed to be, and he did just fine.

If you're child's the smartest... or even "smart enough" to advance, I believe they should.

I don't think the social part will have to much to do with them if they advance... and if you hold them back won't that hurt them socially and perhaps mentally as well???

I think you should allow your child to advance, they deserve it and have worked hard for it. The social thing will come later. :)

Social situations don't change much from grade to grade. I would thank her for her time and let her know my child would be moving forward with the rest (or most of) the students.

Since I'm not having children, my perspective is that school is for education first. Socialization would be a nice thing, but not a reason to hold a child back. I would be concerned as to why the child was not socializing. Was my kid getting bullied, or not fitting in because they didn't want to. That's part of parenting. Schools are required to act as day care centers and teachers are required to act as part parent, part council, part security guard, and if they have time, act as a teacher.


If I were to have children, I would home school, and take them to places like parks for social activity.

I am with those who say that moving the child forward is best. If a child is forced to repeat a grade, he or sh may get bored and that will affect self-esteem, behavior, learning, and will lead to further inhibition in the growth of social skills. education comes first in school. It is sad that it has to be either/or. All the best.

I think holding a child back is the absolute last resort for very serious unresolvable (in an immediate sense) problems. If this is the first you're hearing of your child's social problems then it IMO cannot be a serious enough problem to warrant that severe of an action. Maybe talk to the school guidance counseler for more options with the social thing ... and I would get another opinion from within the school as well.

I agree with slothmister and penny - do NOT hold this child back. The social skills will come eventually, and as a teacher, they should know that children develop those skills differently. A bored and frustrated child with good social skills is not a successful student.

Disagree with moving her up. This was bad for my wife. School squashes kids. I would take the child out and homeschool them so they can both soar to their highest potential (impossible in public schools) and break free of forced public schooling's shackles.

Read John Gotto's History of Public Schools for more info there.

Socialization is very difficult in public schools due to the short class times, and lack of depth in relationships that you build there, thus it is important not to force a child, esp a younger one, to move too quickly to more socially developed children. You will create some problems with the child's confidence in this realm. School squashes that enough, so dont' help it along.

The reason your child is advanced is because the network of schooling has not fully grasped them. Advancing them further will not make much difference on their knowledge, unless they are truly truly special. Placing people in the same age, same setting, where they only have 40 minutes to think on a subject and no more, where they have multiple classes that do not connect with each other will eventually flatten them into performing like others their own age by 12th grade.

Home school, or choose montessori or some other method. But if your child is gifted and advanced, get them out of public schooling immediately.

Why holding back. The thing you get is further holding back of child's talents development. Socializing problem can be overcome with simple talking with psychologist. It depends what is the problem.
I'd do that, but I don't have kids yet, so...

If the child is younger than the others it may be to their advantage to stay back in kindergarten. They can become leaders as they mature. I held my daughter back just because I could....she is more confident w/ classmates now....more of the boss vs. the immature one that is annoying"goAway!" I teach...I always thought is was bad to retain... now I realize that academics are secondary to the importance of your child feeling confident w/ peers.

I wouldn't let my daughter be held back. It would make her feel like there is something wrong with her.

I would say let him/her go to the next grade, the child passes into the next grade by how well he/she does the school work not socializing. The child would feel as though he/she failed, and then may give up all together, and get bad grades.

You think of the needs of your child first. It's nice that your child is very smart. What will suit your child? What does your child need right now?

I think that when you answer those questions, you'll know the answer to this one.

I would say that that is not a good enough reason to keep a child back....keeping a child back is usually because they are not intellectually ready and your child is obviously ahead of the other children...Being social will come along when your child is ready and she doens't need someone else telling her when it is time

If she is that smart, some of the behavioral and social issues may be coming from not being challenged enough, and not being with true peers.

My son was well advanced academically, but was struggling with "social" issues, even though he was one of the oldest children in his class. (His birthday fell right after the cut off date.)

He was in a gifted and talented class one day a week, and did much better in that class. Now we have moved and he is in a gifted and talented class all day every day and he is doing much better all around, including "socially".

Another thing to consider if she is extremely socially ackward is to have her tested by a psychologist. It could be something such as an autism spectrum disorders (such as Aspbergers). Frequently those children do very well academically, but may not function as well socially.

To hell with being 'socialy' ready! Let the girl move forward, on with her education.

She'll get bored staying behind, which will only lead to problems. Let her go on.

We need smart people, not social ones.

I have experienced this with both of my children. One of them I let move forward and the other I held out of k one more year. The older one (that I let move on) suffered and struggled because social unreadiness absolutely affects them - even if they're the most intelligent student in their class they can fall behind because they moved ahead when they were not ready socially. He's in 7th grade now and like I said, he still struggles. As for my daughter that I held back - it's the best decision I ever made! She exels in school, gets straight A's, is extremely social and well liked as well as confident. I suggest talking to other teachers and your pediatrician as well. I did and I still thank them for their advice! I wish you and your child the best of luck!

If my child is the smartest in the class then there is no way I would allow my child to be held back. Social skills is not the main reason we send our children to school. It is to learn and if he/she is the smartest then something must be working. The child should not be punished for not having social skills. Maybe he/she is just a quiet, shy, I don't know your kid but I certainly know that if there is a problem you would have noticed it at home as well and you can get him or her involved in a sport or activity that they are interested in and it should help with the social skills.

I don't give my approval for my child to be held back,
just because she feels my child isn't social enough.
I would want to know what criteria she's using to determine social readiness.

girl you ant holding my baby back

Holding the kid back won't solve any problems, but will sure as hell create some!

Tough one. I'd certainly consider her input in the decision, but I'd also want to observe my child in social situations and see if his/her behavior is age appropriate or not. This is sometimes difficult for a parent to do dispassionately, BUT if the child truly is having issues socially, it would be to her/his benefit to be held back a year to gain some maturity and catch up with the peer group.

This also might be a case for home schooling, if feasible. That doesn't mean your child should not get social interaction. It would be imperative that he/she still get that in some manner. If this is an option, check out home schooling support in your local area and make sure that you engage in all the social benefits of any co-op and add physical/team activities to help your child develop those social skills.

as a parent, they know their childeren. the parent can visit the class to observed n ask another educators point of view, it all depends. but for the most part the teacher can be righ, in the end the parents n the child should make the last choice.

Get someone else's opinion on the readiness.

It depends on the grade/ age level of the child. I am a teacher. I held my son back in kindergarten because I saw he was not ready to move on. It was a great decision. However, I teach older elementary kids and it could be upsetting for the child socially. But you need to consider your child, That is where the decision comes from. Will he/she be better staying a year behind or would he/she be so upset that it would not be beneficial?

I think it depends on the age of the child and the social problems. If you child is in Kindergarten or 1st grade retention has little negative effect. If he or she is in those primary years and still having seperation anxiety, emotional issues (cries often and easy), fine motor delays, potty training, etc. I would consider holding him or her back. Often time the primary classes have smaller numbers and more adults and are better equiped to deal with those issues without it becoming a sceen. Kindergarten and first grade teaches work specifically on social skills. After that... not much help out there. The stigma of retention in the primary years will be very short, the stigma of being the cry baby or wetting pants in the upper grades could be much worse.

As they enter the intermediate grades I would not recommend retention. Social issues are probably behavior disorders at this point and special education and/or counceling would be your best bet.

I would take my child to a place where it could accelerate at rate fitting for its capabilities if possible. i can't believe how retarded the public education system forced me to develop... I always wanted everyone in the class to hurry up and got bored after assignments... I also got in a lot of trouble with my abundance of free time... i still battle to not seem condescending at times :(

If your child is really "the smartest child in the class" I think it would be wrong to keep her back. I'd figure a way to get her more socially ready for the next year instead. "Social readiness" is something that parents can develop in their child. If a child has some "disorder" that makes helping them be socially ready impossible, that means the child will need to learn to find ways to deal with that "handicap" for the rest of her life. Either way, I don't think it's a reason to hold back a bright child; and I think holding children back for such a reason can make a smart child awfully disappointed and make her feel awfully misunderstood and failed. Just an opinion.

I'm a teacher and I would recommend promoting the child to the next grade. Holding them back will promote boredom. He/she will catch up socially later. Your child may always express some innocence; however, he/she may also be smart enough to sense danger, evil, etc. If you have a bright child, throw everything they can "soak up" at them now. Learning will slow at some point so take advantage of the opportunity now.

I would say let the kid move on.

you send your child to the next grade myephew went through this and he took a hit towards his selfesteem I would say your the parent you know more about your child at home it could be something about that particular teacher do not allow a teacher to keep your child back when he or she has earned it it confuses the child .

I look for other social situations for my child and I have the teacher move my child forward in the educational system.

send him on, its not gonna be easier in a younger class...than it is in an older class...its a social problem. Itll cause even worse social problems if hes been held back, the kids will know that...and they wont let him forget.

Seek for a school where there are specialists to help the kid with his/her social skills.

As a teacher, I would never hold a very bright child back unless they were simply immature to the point of having major behavior problems and needed to learn how to behave or interact with others.

Frankly I am a bit surprised that a teacher would want to hold back “the smartest kid in the class”, unless the child is very young (preschool age).

A voice in the chorus. Pass the child, social growth comes from other places, not just school.

I tell her to piss off and give my kid the promotion he deserves. If what is taught in the schools today is considered social development, the teacher can shove it. If my child earned the promotion my child shall have it.

Let her go forward.I was in the same situation years ago and my parents choose to hold me back.Personally I think it did a lot more harm then good.I felt like I had failed and vowed to avoid all distractions in order to further my intelligence.I went into a social shell that lasted from kindergarten to halfway through the 7th grade.Had no friends, was distant with my family, always worked alone, and even became depressed for awhile until I pulled myself out of it when I finally met a true friend who brought me back into the world.I'd strongly advise you to let her go on and gently push her in the social direction bit by bit.Being shy dosen't make her socially defictive and a teacher should know better then to insuniate that.Believe me you don't want her to spend all her pre teen years alone and unhappy in their room.Smarts aren't everything and it took me awhile to realize this.