If you don't want her as a friend, then yes, ask her not to call you anymore. If you can imagine a future with her friendship, tell her you need space to heal and put limits on your phone calls together, for e.g. a "check in call" call every once in a while. Be frank with her -- the next time she says she misses you -- explain the feelings it triggers, and tell her that you'd rather not dwell on what's missing from the past because it interferes with your feelings and hopes for the present.

Yes. If you are not going to get back together then you should have zero contact for at least 6-12 months before even considering friendship.

she left you. and she hurted you in the first place. you definately need times to heal. you can't be friends with her. not until you fully heal. tell her if she really wants to be friend with u. then she has to wait.

here is some advices I once read from somewhere. very useful. see if this can help you. 1.We are broken up so after returning each other’s stuff, we have no contact. This isn’t high school so when we breakup it’s over. That means, you go your way and I go mine. 2.“Let’s Be Friends” is just a way your ex tries to have you and be free at the same time. “Let’s Be Friends” usually, means, let’s do all the things we used to do together (including sex and intimacy), but I’ll be free to date other’s and do what I want. It means I don’t care that this will break your heart because I’m selfish and narcissistic and probably a commitment-phobic person who has problems with intimacy.” 3.You don’t want to be friends. You want a relationship. Don’t let him/her downgrade your relationship like a blue light special at K-Mart! You will suffer if you pretend to be friends. Don’t settle for crumbs or “sloppy seconds”. Don’t think that you have to be friends just because that’s what your ex wants. You don’t have to be anything. You choosing to be nothing with your ex is YOUR POWER! Again, your ex probably doesn’t really want to be friends. He/she probably wants to keep you around, as a back-up plan, or “on the back burner”. Your ex is probably ambivalent and can’t live with you and can’t live without you so he/she decides to have both. Your ex may even love you but that doesn’t mean you have to agree to be jerked around. Again, don’t settle for crumbs! 4.If you still think you want to be “friends” with your ex, take the following test. Think about how you would feel going on a double-date with your ex and his/her new special person. If you can imagine this with no problem then fine…by all means be friends. If you think you would die in this situation, it means you aren’t interested in being friends. Imagine yourself in the back seat with your date at the drive-in theatre and your ex is in the front seat with his new girlfriend kissing and gazing into each other’s eyes. If the thought of this makes your stomach curl, then you are not going to be “friends”. You are interested in a relationship with your ex! Don’t lie and trick yourself thinking that if you’ll be friends that your ex will come around and want a relationship with you. They won’t. The only way they will come around is if you go away and they realize they made a mistake. Maybe they will want to have sex with you and your ex will keep you as a back-up plan but that’s just hurtful and won’t be good for you. Just because your ex wants to be “friends” doesn’t mean you have to go along for the painful ride. Remember, most of the time, they don’t really want to be “friends”. They are using “friends” as a way of controlling you. They use it was a way to keep you close but not too close. They want to still have you but have the option of being with others (including sexually). This is not true friendship. This is emotional slavery. If you want to be your ex’s emotional back-up slave then go ahead, but it’s going to hurt you badly. 5.If your ex tries pressuring you into being friends, tell him/her, “I’m not looking for friends. You and I are beyond just friends. If you want a relationship we can talk, but if you don’t then you need to leave me alone and let me go. You can’t have it both ways…sorry.” Be nice to him/her. Don’t be angry just because they want the relationship differently. Maybe they will decide later they want you back and it’s a lot easier to decide that if you were nice to him/her the last time you spoke. 6.No contact is the best way for moving on in a relationship. Although you should look at it mainly as a tool for moving on and accepting the end of the relationship, please realize that what they say about “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is absolutely true. Realize that the only way you can make someone who is distancing from you “come your way” is by distancing from them yourself. Distancing means not calling, not e-mailing, not sending cards, not sending messages through friends. Distancing can also be done by dating other people. 7.Have you ever had a pet that ran away and you chased after it, and the more you chased/pursued the faster the pet ran away from you? However, the minute you stop chasing him, he would slow down then stop? Do you remember, after a few minutes if you sat down on the grass he would stop running and even slowly start making his way back towards you? That’s how it is much of the time in our own relationships. No living creature likes being chased. If someone is distancing from you, pursuing them will only push them away further. The best way to get them to come back is to distance yourself. This means not calling them and waiting for them to call you. This means not writing them back or calling back immediately. This means making them yearn for you. This means only having contact with them when they have contact with you. It means they take one step towards you and you take one step back. This will make them feel safe and want to come towards you. However, please note that if you start chasing again or acting too clingy they will again run the other way. 8.If you have been through this story with your ex over and over, breaking up multiple times, then you need to decide if it’s time to throw in the towel. How long and how much time you are willing to invest in a relationship that’s going no where is a personal choice. Only you can decide when it’s time to throw in the towel. It sounds very romantic to say you will never give up on a great love, but does that mean that if you are 40 years old and want to get married and have kids that you can afford to waste another 10 years running after someone who seems emotionally unable? Would it be better to count your losses now and find a new possibility? 9.If you have been burned and humiliated by your ex, no contact can help you regain your self-esteem and dignity. Let your ex call you and don’t call back. Let them e-mail you and don’t write back. Let them get mad as hell that they dumped you and you refuse to hang around for their crumbs or sloppy seconds. Feel the empowerment you will receive by refusing to settle for their crumbs. You will also see how much they truly miss you which will show you that much of the time, they left not because they didn’t love you, but because they have their own intimacy issues. If your ex doesn’t try to contact you then that’s fine too. You need to want someone who doesn’t want to live without you. Isn’t that the kind of relationship we all want? 10.In short, the best way to move on after a breakup is to stay away from your ex. Keep your distance either by no contact or very very minimal contact, only be in contact when the ex is calling you and “reaching out” to you. Don’t you take the initiative to reach out to someone who broke up with you! It doesn’t make sense! I know that sometimes you miss them so bad that you feel you can rescue the relationship by calling or begging but it will do the opposite. Chasing someone only makes them run away faster and further. Remember, there was a reason your ex broke up with you. They did it because they needed space in some way. Let them have their space and in the meantime you enjoy yours. Use this time to emotionally separate from your ex. Take it one day at a time.

Heard this same tale about 250 times or more! Ok, it sounds like your wife is lonely and confused, and probably as many people are after a split up, she has "abivilant" feelings. Part of her wonders if she did the "right thing" and part of her knows she did. You might have the same feelings. It's pretty common at first. It's "normal" to have those feelings, but if you want to put closure on things so she does not continue to open old wounds and make it difficult for YOU to go ahead with your new life which does not include her, you need to set some boundaries. One MAJOR boundary sounds like the phone calls you take from her. If you HAVE to talk with her, due to children or something, let her know that you and she made a decision, and she is only making things harder on you and herself to tell you that she "misses you, BUT she doesn't want you back." If she has not gotten therapy or counseling to get over what for everyone is considered a LOSS suggest she get a counselor to talk to, and YOU are NOT her counselor. If YOU likewise have problems setting boundaries with her, and continue in any way to encourage or feed into her calling, or if you have similar feelings, then you need someone to talk with also who can help you get over that hump, "process" the feelings of loss, hurt, anger, sadness, and all, so you can move on with your life in a **healthy** way! Once you burn a bridge, unless you want to build a new one and you have the solid materials to build it, you risk alot of pain if you try to jump or otherwise go from one side to the other without that bridge. You burned the bridge when you broke up. So did she. Time to build a new life, and hopefully a new bridge with a new woman down the road. And to do that, you need to cut the cord with your ex as much as possible. I don't know if children are involved, but if they are you still need to make it plain that you are friendly and don't hate her, but you do not want to re-kindle things, and you are bothered by her calls where she basically says, "I miss you but stay away." It isn't easy to do, but your future relationships will be much harder to form and build if your ex is still in the picture anymore than absolutely necessary. Likewise, you are "enabling" her to not cut the cord with you by allowing her to call and say this so often without telling her you don't want to hear it any longer. Sometimes you need to be blunt and just say it, even if someone cries or gets angry. If that happens, say goodbye and good luck, and hang up. If you have toubles doing this alone, as I said, get some help from a counselor. They hear this kind of thing all the time, as I did when I was doing couples therapy work. It is common, AND you need to learn to draw the line in the sand with your ex, or it will hurt you both and hinder both of you going forward in a healthy and productive way. Good luck!

yes you do need to shut her out. she is calling you just to hear your voice and see if you still want her. she is playing games with your head. i have one question for you...who ended the relationshiop and why? if it was her, than she is most def. playing with your head..but if you ended it, than she's prolly just trying to get into good graces with you.

Im sorta in the same situation my ex broke up with me and i tried to get back with her right away and it has just got worse and we dont talk her friends just tell me to back off and now i think its gonna work she knows my passwords to things and i can see where she checks them eeveryday so just back off..... I even have recieved a message from her the next day that said "waking up without you was hard. im so sorry this had to happen. i love you so much and im dieing already. but i think this way i can get my head straight..maybe clear out some of the reasons why we had problems. im not askng you to wait but i wanted you to know that i love you and im so sorry and this will be so hard for me too. i love you" so i guess if i back off it will work

It's 1 1/2 years later, I sure hope she has moved on to her next victim by now and leaves you alone.

Its like the chinese water torture. the constant calling is driving you crazy. if she really cares anything at all about you, she should either try to repair your relationship or leave you alone. Change your phone number or use the automatic call reject on your phone. If all else fails..........move to another city.

i ve actually tried it both ways,at different times in my life.the complete and total breakoff,where you never make contact with the person again,and the slow ending where you keep in contact once every couple of months and i haven t found one way to be much better than the other.it ll still hurt for a few years either way.given those two choices i d pick the second,to stay in touch with a call every two or three months.

THANK you soo much this has really helped me in so many ways plus i got dumped for the same reason. About how she wanted her space but the really shity thing is that she dumped me on a text message and we have been dating for 10mouths. Owell i would have to say its been 4days and I feel alot better in my life with all this time to figure out what i want to go to collage for thanks for this info and have a really great day. PS sorry about the spelling/grammer

Ever heard the song, "Torture"? Look it up on Lyrics.Com. This song fits your situation perfectly. Change your phone number or block her calls. She must love torturing you and its showing.