Whilst they're moving your furniture? Your flies are undone!!

My incontinent Nan used to sleep on that mattress.

What is your Supervisor's name? I'm going to call and tell him what a lousy job you're doing so far.

Careful with that part, its private!

You haven't found a packet of money stashed in there, have you?

you should be able to move that by yourself, you look pretty big.

you should be able to move that by yourself, you look pretty big.

So, did you ever have a job that required a brain?

"Watch the semen stains on the couch."

Hey look! Its Paris Hilton!

Hey, mover, could you please also move the lawn?

Could you hurry up? Gawd, let me guess, top of the class were you?

Hey pikeys i want all 25 boxes and not 24 :)

Those are the cheap plates.

That's not heavy is it?

I am a mover, been in and out of the business for almost 20 years. Here are the questions you DO NOT want to ask us, and, as an added bonus, I'll tell ya why... 1) How do I file damage claims? When asked before we even start loading, this indicates that you are a claim waiting to happen. As a result, you have now added twice the time to my inventory process, as I am not missing a scratch on the stuff. 2) "What do you guys usually do for lunch?" Well, winging my semi through McDonald's drive through isn't really an option, so if you are asking if you should buy, follow your conscience. These guys are bustin their butts for ya, is a cheeseburger and a coke really that bad? You aren't obligated to buy, but we appreciate it! 3) "What is a good tip for you guys?" DONT ASK ME THIS! If ya wanna tip, then tip. If not, don't ask. If I answer this, it looks like I expect a tip. FYI a good tip on a long distance move is generally 50-100 for the driver and about 20-30 for each of the guys loading and unloading your stuff. Hint, guys who know they are getting tipped will bend over backwards to please you. As a driver, it is my job to please you anyway, but my hired help isn't obligated to carry out the trash, rearrange your rooms, etc. 4) "You guys want any of this stuff we are getting rid of?" Guys usually ride in MY truck. When I don't want/need what you are giving away, one of those mongrels will. Then, guess who has to haul it away for them. Now if ya wanna say "Ken, if I were to give you some money to haul this stuff away...?" I'm on it! 5) "i'm going to the store, can I get you guys something to drink?" DON'T ask! VERY much appreciated, the answer is YES! We are sweating to death in that trailer. If it is 90 outside, the inside of the trailer can near 130. We get dehydrated fast, so yes, PLEASE! Sidenote, we get customers who won't even offer a drink of water, trust me, good way to piss off the crew.

put it over there thanks..... aw wait hang on maybe over there.....

"Come on boys! Get a move on! Man you're slow! Are you actually getting paid for this?"

Interupt them while they're talking with, "Wow, they even have their own personalities, just like real people."

So what's the most expensive thing you guys have broke?

"Oh, the good times we had on that couch/bed/table/desk/etc, I'm surprised it's still stable"--most effective when stated with each piece of furniture carried out.

Hurry up, I don't want you to be touching my furniture for too long or I'll need to get them cleaned again!

Don't drop that! It's really fragile.

There should be a big fat moving guide written about what to say and how to hire a moving company. The best tips I have read about moving and moving companies is www.movingguide.net they have moving tips and articles to help any mover.