My daughter is 22 and she is dating a black guy that is only 19. When we explained to her how we all felt about this she moved in with him and his family. This hurts so much that she wants to be with his family and not ours. His mother is white. Help!

The only help you can get comes from within yourself. You've had a valuable lesson in the evil of racism. You would have had a better chance of getting good advice if you had omitted any reference to colour.

If that's who she wants to be with then you should respect her decision, his skin color should not be an issue.

Who CARES what race he is? I'm glad your daughter didn't adopt your views.

This is lame, if you'd left the color issue out of it, I'd feel completely different but his color shouldn't matter. If you have a problem with the age difference or something that's your call.

Why does color mean so much to you?

How many generations have to pass before people wont look at skin color?

We have African-American family members. We have Native American family members. We have Latino family members. My niece adopted a Chinese daughter about 4 years ago. You know what? It is VERY COOL to have these family members. They're ours. We're theirs.

If you asked the same question without the racial concern it would of seemed more rational but, I'm sorry to say the race thing just threw it off.

your daughter is an adult. color has nothing to do with it. it sucks that she's shacking up, but you drove her away.

sorry it hurts, but maybe you should try and welcome the young man into your family. the age difference shouldn't matter either, they're only 3 years apart. if those are your only reasons to be displeased with him, then they're not great ones, honestly.

She wants to be with his family because they accept her and respect her choices. 3 years is not much of an age difference, so that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he's black, brown, purple or polka-dotted - if he's right for her then she's right where she belongs. If he's wrong for her, she'll figure that out on her own.

She is old enough to make her own choices. The color of her boyfriends skin has nothing to do with it. You had better get over it or you will loose her for good. An appology would help letting her know that you make an ignorant statement.

She's an adult... you're a bigot. Deal with it.

You should be more concerned with this Man's character and what's in his heart than what his skin looks like. How does he treat your Daughter? Would you prefer she was with a White guy that beats her ass?

No, I'm NOT Black... like it matters.

Hes Black, get used to it, or loose your daughter.

It sounds as though you are racist! If your daughter loves this man and has chosen to live with his family rather than you doesnt that say something. You need to accpet this man into your life unless you want to never be in your daughter's life again.Just because you would not date a person of color doesnt mean your daughter shouldn't. I think you need to get some counselling to overcome this issue. Biggest thing is you need to apologize to your daughter, her BF ,and his family for your actions and hope for forgivness.Good Luck :)

Does this man make your daughter happy? Does he treat her well? These should be your concerns, not the color of his skin. We try to raise our kids to love themselves and others, and now you want to put conditions on who she choses to love?

I dont get the problem in the first place. Theres only an age difference of 3 years and why would race matter? You say it hurts that she left imagine how much it hurts her to find out her parents who are supposed to always support her emotionally didnt like her dating someone over something as shallow as colour.

Maybe i seem a little rude because of personal reasons Im biracial & i cant understand why people still have issues with the colour of skin.

If I was you, I would apologize and tell her that you love her regardless of your issues and she and whoever she chooses to be with is accepted in your household.

wow, racism is totally not cool, not to mention ageism. If she wants to move in with his family let her, she's grown up and can leave whenever she wants, you gotta release her from the jaws of death and let her live her own life away from your prejudice (i hope this was a joke question btw)

You sound like MY mother. It's quite obvious by your choice of words that you are very old school by assuming that the majority supports your view... I'm sorry if you feel that everyone's replies are an attack on you but they're all correct. Whatever you feel 'supports' your idea of right and wrong, you may want to rethink it. I am blonde haired and blue eyed and 100% white. (Whatever that means- Im part German, Irish, Jewish, and Cherokee Indian, to name a few) but yet my family believes that an inter-racial relationship with a BLACK person is against God's law... why so many people still believe that is beyond me. In the old days it was popular belief that 'colored people' were cursed and that's the reason for their dark skin. We all now know that isn't the case, but the prejudice is still there. My family would have no problem if I decided to date someone who's of another descent, so long as they aren't African American. Why do you think that is? You can't say because of the 'stereotype' and that maybe there are a FEW 'good ones' b/c you will find No Gooders in every race and creed. If you feel that you have tried hard to raise your daughter to the best of your ability and that she should be capable of making good decisions, then trust her on this one and get to know the guy. You may still decide that you don't like him, but don't blame it on his color. The same personality could come in a package of blue eyes and blonde hair or green eyes and red hair... Your daughter is 22 and old enough to decide who she wants to date. This could very well be rebellion on her part, given that she knows where you stand on this issue. Pitching a fit about it certainly wont turn her around in that case. Just show her love and support no matter who she decides to be with so that she will have the space to make sound decisions based on personality traits, not on color.

Listen, I could say the same thing as everyone else and tell you to forget the race thing. But while I don't disagree with you, you have a right to your opinion. You can feel however you want here, but you can't expect your daughter to feel the same way. You can share your opinions in a mature way, but you can't expect her to make life decisions based on them. If you feel she has made a decision that is not best for her just to spite you, then you need to talk to her about that, but recognize that the real issue is moving to fast with someone younger than her, and leave race out of it. If she loves a black man then there's nothing you can do about that. She's a grown woman. You have to respect her decisions in that respect.

since he mother is white and your daughter realy loves this guy you should be giving them your blessing , Not critize them because his skin is the wrong colour acording to you , iam fed up with this crap. give them your blessing and your understanding or you will lose you daughter.

If you asked the same question without the racial concern it would of seemed more rational but, I'm sorry to say the race thing just sort of threw it off.

Im assuming you disapprove of the relationship because he is black? If that is the case you are seeing what happens first hand when you judge people because of their color!

How about you stop being a racist douche bag.

Help what? I am not understanding why you need help.
You have a daughter who is grown.. OK.. no problem there.
She is choosing who she wants in her life.. still see no problem???
You explained how you felt about it.. ? FELT ABOUT WHAT? Him being 19 ?? It is just a three year difference? Not a big deal .. give it a chance.. they did.
If you have a problem with interracial dating.. ok. A lot of people do and I am not going to point fingers at you because I have my own flaws to be pointed at but love your daughter.. she will always need you and always love you.

Good for her for getting away from a bigoted parent like you!

If you feel hurt, good. No pain, no gain. It's not your daughter who hurt you, nor did her boyfriend. You hurt yourself by clinging to a racist mentality.

Well unfortunately, she is an adult, and may feel that his parents are a little more understanding of their situation. She might feel as though you are pushing her away. I'm 22 as well, and if my parents sat me down to discuss my boyfriend whom came from a different culture, but used the terms black and white, I might be inclined to close my ears since I'd feel as though they had closed their minds. If she's okay with being older than he, then it should not bother you either. I'm sure she is just trying to prove the point that she can be with whom ever she wants. If you take the time to see that she really cares about him, and take the time to maybe get to know him as a person, she migth just come back home. I know at 22, we're looking for our parents to respect our newly found freedoms, and we're looking for the 'adult' treatment that we feel entitled too, since we are now adults. When my parents start treating me like a child again, I'm more inclined to start acting like one, and defy them. Even if the race and age is a proplem, try your best not to show that, just let her know you love her, and you're willing to accept her no matter whom she decides to be with. If you continue to be hard headeed she just might run off with him and you may be running the chance of never seeing her again. I'm sure no one would want that.

If I were her I would want to be with his family too! They love her and accepted her for who she is and not the color of her skin. From the way you phrased your question it sounds like help me get my white daughter away for the black guy…she only moved in with him because he is black and we don’t like black people. Why would your daughter want to come back to a house of hate when she can live is a house of love?

why are you concered about the color of his skin? If he makes your daughter happy that is all that matters.race should not be an issue,but it is. it is everywere in the world,hopefully one day people will accept everything and not be racist.

I honestly understand the race issue. It's not a matter of being racist or not liking him because he's black, it's just odd. I'm Italian, and I'm only supposed to date Italians, that's just how my family is. So dating a French guy is a big no in my family, but we don't believe that there's anything wrong with Frence people, we just don't marry them, lol.
Ok, my brother recently tried dating a mixed girl, which sent my family into a huge pit of dispare for about a month until the two decided to break it off b/c no one supported them. The thing with you is that his family supports it. If I was in your position, I would try to call the mother and chat with her. Make sure to keep race out of it! Tell her that you disapprove of your daughter and her son living under the same roof b/c it seems immoral. Tell her that you feel hurt b/c you're trying to be kind to your daughter, but she has turned on you. Explain your feelings, and maybe the mother will help you out.

Does it matter that he is black and his mother is white...I think you have the problem with the race and not the age difference.

ok - instead of having a go and caling you racist - i would like to know as it seems a bit unclear - what exacally the problem is?
is it your daughter moving out against your wishes?
the age differance between the two?
her fella's colour?

Your daughter is a grown woman who has make a decision you don't agree with. Has it never occurred to you before than she might one day do so? This has nothing to do with her choosing another family over you. This is about her making a choice that she felt is best for her.

Now it is you who has to grow up and make a choice.

Lady, interracial relationships are harmless. Why are you tripping over the skin color? Love sees no color.

You need to support your daughter,be happy that she has found someone that makes her happy,you will just be putting walls up between you and your daughter if you don't.

Why does it matter that your daughter is a 22 year old white girl and he is a 19 year old black guy? love is love; it sees no age or color.....you need to wake up and smell the coffee

Forget her!

See where racism gets you? You've lost your daughter's trust in you to be by her side no matter what. Now she turns to people who CARE about her.

So what is your problem except for the fact that your racism is going to lose you a daughter that you appear to love .

You should respect her choice and hope that she will be happy in a family that have accepted her.

Skin color should never be an issue. She is an adult, and the 19 year old is to. I could see if this man was abusive to her or something; I would understand your concern. I would say accept him, and support your daughter. I don't agree with a boyfriend and girlfriend living together before marriage. The more heartache you give her about this, the more she will be drawn away from you. Obviously she is not racist. I hope this helps. And to add on, I'm black; My mom is white and my dad is black and neither family had a problem with them. We have always been a happy family. I had great parents, and they are still together after 32 years.

It's over a year later. I hope you are enjoying your new "swirl" grandbaby.

Ok.... so you are basically saying you told you adult daughter, that you didn't approve of her dating an adult man? Who cares his skin color, you have no right to say anything about her personal life. She may be your daughter but she is an adult. Would you want someone telling you that you couldn't do something because they didn't approve?

You dug your own grave, now you have to lie in it. The only way out is to apologize and tell her you were wrong.
By mentioning the color issue at all, you made clear what your feelings were.

What's with the black and white crap, we are people not colors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all if he has a white mother,he isn't BLACK!!!He is Bi-Racial(MULATTO..Half and Half...) Calling him black would be no different then calling him white.
Why does it matter? This MAN was born to a multi-racial family, Therefore; unlike you, he probaly doesn't see COLOR. He wouldn't think twice that dating YOUR daugther was wrong. Why would he? Dating YOUR daugther, a WHITE women, would be no different them him dating a BLACK women.

ANYWAYS, why what he is? Did you know he is a human being....as human as you are? and that he has FEELINGS too?and that All human being share about 99.9%
of their DNA?????WITH THAT IN CONSIDERATION. WHY IS THEIR A PROBLEM?

I overall feel this situation is PATHETIC! Pathetic because you let something as stupid as RACE ruin the relationship with YOUR own daughter. You let PURE HATE conquer LOVE! You are PLAIN UPRIGHT SELFISH to think your own disapprobations about her boyfriend should dictate how she should live HER LIFE.(IT'S HER LIFE, NOT YOURS) You also got to remember that some people follow their HEART, instead of letting other peoples opinions dictate how the live their OWN lives.IS THAT A SIN, IS IS THAT A REASON FOR--YOU-- TO FEEL HURT?-NOOOOOOOOO!! If--YOU--feel hurt..OMG...IMAGE HOW YOUR DAUGTHER FEELS?EVER THOUGH OF THAT? I bet not?

She moved in with HIS family--complete strangers--because they have more Love and Compassion for her, than you. YOU CAN THANK YOURSELF FOR THAT!

GET YOURSELF HELP. WWW.MULATTO.ORG

Your daughter is 22? Your feelings don't count!
You must have been either rude or critical, or else she would not have taken such drastic measures.

Your daughter is TWENTY-TWO and you don't want her to make her own decisions? Her boyfriend is NINETEEN. They are both over 18. At least your daughter had enough decency to move out instead of live with you and break your rules. You're upset? What about her? I realize it has been a long time since this question has been asked, but hopefully everything is resolved now. If it isn't and you want your daughter to come back, you're going to have to apologize and let her decide where she wants to live on her own.

Theres nothing wrong with what she is doing. The problem sounds to me like it is your problem and only you can fix it. Race has nothing to do with love its whats on the inside that counts maybe you should have given him a chance without judging him... and she may still live with you. But if you havnt already and you dont want her to hate you then you should apologize to her...she has nothing to be sorry for.

I married an older woman, what's the big deal?

I don't understand all these weak people being such apologetics. Why should YOU have to apologize for loving your daughter and wanting what's best for her? You are only trying to do what is best for your daughter.

I'm a white guy, and I can tell you that I'd never date a girl who had been with a black guy before. It shows low standards, low class, and it means she is looking for something unusual/different etc. To me it is a sign that there is something wrong with the girl.

I am sorry to say but I think it sounds like your daughter has deeper issues here.

whoi exactly is we and how do you feel i truely dont get it what is your problem i truly hope it just isnt color cause if thats the case you are a sad case

Your daughter is an adult.........She'll be making her own decisions regardless if you agree or not. Be there for her if she needs you.

The damage is done. Lots of times when parents are against a relationship it forces them to want to be together more. You do not approve of her choice so why would she feel comfortable or even want to be with you. I think your thinking is wrong...but that is only my feelings. You had either better apologize and welcome her boyfriend with open arms...or you will totally lose her. Seems like a foolish reason to lose your daughter........