My 14 year old daughter is learning how the people you "think" our your friends can stab you in the back in a minute. Any words of advice to get through the next 50 years? And any advice for a parent that has to sit back and watch her child go through it?
by 
TjoeBaxter is Hot Yo
ANSWERS: 14
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After they get to be a little older they will learn. Until then, be prepared for tears and swearing. Mine are now 45 and 44. Karen still deals with their problems.
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Tell your daughter, "Welcome to the real world, sweetheart." Let her know that, unfortunately, as she goes through life she will learn - the hard way - that sometimes a "friend" may prove to be a "wolf in sheep's clothing." Tell her to chalk it up to experience, be selective in choosing friends, and remember "The Golden Rule": Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
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Allowing her to go through it will make her a better person in the long run. Better that she learns now than if she had to encounter back stabbing for the first time when she's 30.
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Why are you getting involved in your daughter's private dramas? This is her life not yours. Grow up and let her grow up too her own way. She doesn't need mommy and daddy telling her how unfair her friends are. We all go through these things. You are not helping by acting like a child yourself.
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Life is like a garden. In order to maintain it's beauty and health we have to weed it now and then. The same with people in our lives, once we recognize the weeds from the flowers we discard what will harm it's growth then we watch our garden grow. You have taught her all you can, she will be fine. I mean you have taught her well. This is just a practice to the real world. :):) OMG......This reminds me of "Life is like a box of chocolates" LMAO!!!!!!!
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Just be there when she needs someone to listen.
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Is there something wrong with that? I learned that at ten and I'm a paranoid, cruel, misanth... give your daughter lots of attention and assurance that her family will be there for her.
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Tell her that some times in her life will be rough, but if she gives it time, patience, and faith, she will soon find out who her real friends are, and she will love them the rest of her life. High school is a time when people are struggling with who they are and who they think they should be. There will be lots of mistakes made and friendships ruined, but the beauty of is that she can learn from it and be wiser and eventually, happier. . I'm not a parent, but I went through the same thing in high school, both being the victim and the perpetrator. The best thing was that my parents were there for me, didn't judge me, and were never disappointed in me. They just let me learn my lessons and move on.
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the greatest lessons are learned through experience. people will tell you all sorts of things, but you won't truly learn unless you've been through it. my advice to you as a parent: remind her that actions always speak louder than words. but most of all, whatever it is, and how bad she thinks it might be in that moment, it's NOT the end of the world. my advice to her as a teenager: without wrong, there can be no right. and without bad, there can be no good. but my personal belief: if it's hard to do, it's probably worth it (i.e. dropping so called friends who stab you in the back). be strong, and always remember to believe in yourself, no matter what other people may say.
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Just be there for her when her heart breaks and your kindness and love will make the blow hurt a little less. Explain that there are things in life that are going to hurt, unfortunately. Remind her that the pain will lessen in time even if it feels like it's never going to go away. . Now, for you; hold your breathe and count to 10 before thinking about ripping the person that hurt your baby to shreds! Talk to your friends privately about the pain you feel for her. It just relieves some of the tension to share the pain with someone who understands and cares about you. BTW, I'm sorry for both of you! Some things are just painful! (((HUGS)))
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A good friend of mine once told me that you have to realize sometimes the really hard/crappy parts of life aren't really that bad when you look back. ex: when you're ten life seems so unfair, because you couldn't have that candy at the store- at 16 life's unfair, because your parents wouldn't let you drive, at 30 your taxes sky rocket, and now today when you hit your 50/60's you look back and think about how easy all those decades were in compare to life now- because life is all about perception. +3
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Tell her: "They stab in the back because they can't stab in the front as we will see them if they try to do that. The trick is to watch our back too. Also our sides. Same as we have a rear view mirror in our cars to see what is coming at us from behind, equip your mind with hindsight. Learn to spot the ones that are likely to stab you from the back or sides. Once you consciously watch people around you for a while, you will develop enough intuition to identify those who are likely to stab you when you are not looking. The same intuition will also tell you whom you can trust with your life. Empowered with the intuition, learn to avoid those who could be dangerous. Where you can't avoid them, engage people whom you can trust to watch your back - so that they can save you from getting stabbed. But don't worry, there are more people whom you can trust than those who are likely to stab you in the back. Put your trust in the good ones and you will be okay." With a little talk on these lines you could give your daughter the best advise on how to go on living a satisfying life in the world of the gorwn ups.
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if you don't do anything wrong there will be little to fear from those that try to shift blame onto you. build a reputation for being truthful and your side of the story will carry more weight. forgive those who do you wrong, to keep those feelings only makes life bitter. To forget any transgressions against you only makes you more vulnerable.
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Just to be careful because there are only a few people in this world you can really trust.
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