An ABer asked for help on how to cope with a spouse's deteriorating mental condition. A number of replies suggested DIVORCE. Has matrimony now come to be held in such low esteem? Have marital relationships become so fragile?
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ANSWERS: 13
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Yes unfortunatly I believe it is more acceptable to divorce now-a-days. the divorce rate is around 50%. Which is very sad in my opinion.
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All I know is my mother has been with my father for 25 years even through his disease and even though he is in the beginning stages of dementia. I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'deteriorating mental condition', but there are only a select few who completely understand the 'in sickness and in health' memo.
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Sadly, people do leave marriage for even lesser problems. We do what we learn and so many come from broken homes that they don't know HOW to deal with a relationship.
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I am afraid the " In sickness and in Health" part of the ceremony seems to be forgotten in many instances. The mental condition is not stated if it is of a violent nature it is difficult to stay with them If it is dementia that is a very sad condition frightening for both the sufferer and the family . To leave a person when you could be the last link to memory or reality seems very cruel to me.
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Working out your problems together is one thing. So is working through the struggles of money and health and other issues. But when someone develops mental health issues, particularly things like paranoid schizophrenia and psychosis, the partnership is over. Now, the healthy partner is simply caretaking. The person they married has gone into some dark hole and may never return. Hanging with a mentally ill person 24/7 requires the strength of a saint. Not everyone can handle that. The outcome can be two people with mental problems instead of just one. Don't pre-judge situations like this. They are very difficult.
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It's a shame but that "for better or for worse" clause is all but meaningless nowadays.
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Unfortunately in this day and age divorce is all too common. Do you know what I think? If there was a law that said once you get married that's it... your stuck for life... More people would think carefully before jumping in. People get into marriages with the mind set that if they don't like it or things just don't work they can just break it off... get a divorce get seperated or cheat on the other. It's really sad... but this is what our generation has come to.
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Hell no, a promise is a promise. If I say it I mean it. You're stuck with me.
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I think too many people marry for the wrong reasons to begin with. Most marry so as not to be alone and when mental illness comes around they feel alone. It wasn't what they bargained for. People need to realize that a real marriage is about sharing everything. The good and the bad and building a life time of memories that can help sustain you.
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I was one of the answerers and wondered about that too. Even if couples marry without the blessings of any religion which many nowadays do, the ethics are essential. How can people live with their conscience by pushing a sick partner out instead of supporting him/her?
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Yes marriage has become fragile. The vows clearly state that the two will be committed "in sickness and health". Some marriage relationships are built on a foundation of selfishness. You really should go back and ask ALL of those people who said DIVORCE, how many of them are married? Or was your question answered by a bunch of single 16 year olds?
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I once read an ethicist's book wherein he suggested that if someone becomes, mentally, an entirely different person than the person you married it is not unreasonable to assume that the marriage is over by default. I don't know that I subscribe to this view and I hope I never have opportunity to test it. I have heard of people who have strokes that change their personality entirely. We're not talking about bitterness over restricted movement but rather wildly different behavior and attitudes. At a certain point you would have to ask yourself whether you are living with someone who isn't actually your spouse.
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Yes. We made it socially acceptable to get divorce, so when anything gets hard now we just run, leaving disaster behind. It is a horrible thing.
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