- NEW!
by mejinn on March 3rd, 2007
Nothing. What's past is past and you're with her now, so it shouldn't matter.
by Stronghart on June 22nd, 2007
Gie her a giant bear hug. Tell her you love her. Tell her that she never fear telling you anything, because you love her.
by American idle on May 4th, 2007
...And SHE really loves YOU to open up to you like that. Did you think that was easy for her? Stop judging and move on, WITH her.
by nevets - badgicide on March 3rd, 2007
I would tell her that it doesn't matter how many men she had slept with in the past. I would ask her what she thought I might say if she told me the truth out-right? I would tell her I still love her.
I would thank her for telling me the truth, and sharing something so personal with me... it is a HUGE deal that she told you that she had been raped. She has just broken down one of her walls and trusted you with this information.
by Jeffers on May 9th, 2007
Not. One. Damned. Thing.
1.) Past is done gone and over.
2.) 12 isn't all that many, in the big picture. It's only a concern cause "nice girls don't" social nonsense.
3.) Goomba, she chose YOU over the other 12. That's all that matters.
by unknown on March 3rd, 2007
If she is a good wife and you trust her and she isn't a constant liar then forgive her and leave it in the past. She can't change it and neither can you. I'm sure there are things in your past that you are ashamed of and you would want her to forgive you. If you love her just forget about it and never bring it up again. She is obiviously embarrassed by her past actions. I wouldn't trow away a good marrige over one lie.
by Highlander is semi-retired from AB on October 10th, 2007
Nothing. Who cares what she did before you were married? You love her, you married her. Be happy!
by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on September 6th, 2007
Wasn't it Lady Macbeth who said "What's done canst be undone." None of us can erase our pasts..we can only accept each other for the present.
by I love my baby on September 6th, 2007
I think it is possible that she really liked you and didn't want you to judge her before you got to know her, many people would. As long as she is the woman you believe she is...I would forgive her. It is her past.
by asairel on May 9th, 2007
then what is buggin you exactly? if you really love her that matter shouldn't been brought up in the first place.. she lied? well, maybe she was afraid of telling you the truth and thought that she might disappoint you and make it change whatever you feels for her. just talk to her that honesty should always be in both of you and things that bothers each one of you should be settle once and for all without hiding anything.. and in return each one should be broad minded with each topics you were about to discuss.. and things will get in fine..
by HealthFreak on June 11th, 2007
She had her virginity taken from her by a rapist. That changes a person in more ways than you can imagine. She probably came clean to you about the number of men she's been with because she hasn't fully healed from the first one. She's looking for help. Talk to her and try to convince her to get temporary therapy. Rape is a difficult case and should be handled by a professional. She trusted you enough to tell you because she wants you to help her. The best way you could help her is by taking her hand and leading her to a professional for counseling. It's been too long already. Maybe she's finally ready to take the next step towards healing.
by mekare on May 9th, 2007
if they were all before you were married then do nothing, her present with you is more important than her past with them.
by Metaphiz on March 5th, 2007
Appreciate the fact that it bothered her enough that she told you. That is a sign that she loves you so much, that she wants to maintain honesty with you. Even to the extent that she would clear away past lies in order to rid your relationship with her of any secrets.
You are more blessed than I think you realize. It would seem to me that you have a good woman. You should thank her, and be happy.
by singwell-is off researching a lot on March 5th, 2007
for her to admit this to you might have to do more with the rape than anything else....the 12 might have been the number of men...I would lovingly sit her down and ask her if she needs to see a counsellor. I think this is more about her psychiatric health than about your wounded pride. :-)
by AntigoneRising on October 2nd, 2007
Why do you think you should say or do anything? The past is the past, and she didn't have a commitment to you then. The lying about it is the only potential problem that I see, and that is deeply personal, the cause of a lot of judgmental attitudes, and pretty understandable about why she lied. I will agree that she should have simply not told you any answer rather than lying; however, I have no idea if you ever asked or pressed for the information from her.
I won't even call her past a mistake. It is simply the past, we all have one, and it is best to deal with it and move on.
by SG QOTABD RIP SHELLA DARLING on September 9th, 2007
i dont see how it should make any differnce to you wheather it be 12 or 120 guys that she slept with the point is that she chose you as her husband and she married you because she loves you. if i was you i would not make such a big deal about it.
by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on September 6th, 2007
If you can forgive three, you can forgive twelve.
What you should say is "I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't trust me with the truth. Thank you for telling me now. I still love you, I will always love you." Then buy her flowers and dinner, and tell her that you're glad she's all yours now, and make her glad she's with you, not someone else.
by close account on July 27th, 2007
You should just say...oh..you should or could have told me that..i am SORRY that i made you feel like you coouldn't talk to me
by Chopsy the Diver on June 22nd, 2007
Nothing as it is her past! i had this with my partner and it gets quite boring after awhile, how would you feel if the boot was on the other foot and she got upset over your past? thing is it wouldnt happen women arn't like that...it does seem to be men that have this problem and its so caveman material! love her and move on :D
by Penny The Wise on June 22nd, 2007
Well first, how many people she has slept with doesn't matter. She's still the same woman you fell in love with and MARRIED. Unless those numbers grew WHILE you were married, you have nothing to worry about.
On the flip side, she shouldn't have lied to you. Tell her that you find it dishonest, and that you don't appreciate her lying. Then get over it, because that number will NEVER change.
by Quackers on May 11th, 2007
As long as this happened before you and you wife were married, it shouldn't matter in the least.
Just as some men tend to exaggerate their "number', women will tend to lower theirs (sometimes significantly). Here's a good calculation: take the woman's "official' number, multiply that by eight and then subtract the total number of years she had been single. Once you arrive at that figure, add 3 to 7 depending on how much partying she did in college. If she did no partying and does not drink, you can skip the last step.
But I still say you shouldn't worry about it as long as she's been faithful to you : )
(also, please be advised there is no scientific evidence, logic or anything else about the above calculation. It was mean in jest, so don't break out the calculator. However, I truly believe that most women have likely slept with about twice as many men as they are willing to tell their partners. Just my opinion.
by MG1942 Has a Life Penguin on May 9th, 2007
In the Immortal words of my friend, Funsince1982, "Build a bridge and get over it." If she's faithful now, and you love her, who cares what happened before?
by Carrot and Stick on May 9th, 2007
She is your wife, so it's too late to look back now. I would get to the bottom of why she lied to you about it in the first place and make it clear that you should be open with each other in the relationship. Forgive but don't forget.
by medeous on May 9th, 2007
it doesn't matter how many there were before you. what matters is whether or not there are more now that she's with you. about changing her story, i imagine she wanted to give you a lower number because she was afraid you'd think less of her. reassure her.
by RosieGHM Jetpacker on May 4th, 2007
Was it out of the blue? I don't understand what the motive would be, unless she is currently being unfaithful. Maybe it made her feel better, but I don't see how it would benefit you.
by fishnets on March 5th, 2007
I think you should forget about it. As long as she's not sleeping with anyone while she's with you I don't see what the big deal is and you obviously seem to love her very much. Just hold onto that love and try and forgive her for her lie.
by CoachMJ on March 5th, 2007
AS long as those guys are in the past, let them be in the past. Tell her you love and live for the now.
by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on March 3rd, 2007
You accept the fact that she came clean with you and try to find out why she concealed the true number in the first place. She was probably afriad of your scorn or disapproval and now that she is your wife, she has opened up to you honestly.
Did you ask her how many men she was with before you married her? Were you looking for a virgin? If so, you knew that she wasn't. Personally, if she lied about virginity that would be kind of bad.
by trynfinity on January 1st, 2008
First of all your married right. What does it matter how many people she was with. She told you the truth now and none of those people were while married to you right, if that's so then in all honesty she devoted the rest of her life to you when you both made that commitment. I understand being hurt because she lied however. That was then and not now so does it really play a role in the relationship as it stands now???What's more important, her or her past?
by Yeahwell... on October 15th, 2007
Nothing.
by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on October 15th, 2007
Doctor... think of the reason you married her... Those dozen guys before you helped her become a better lover. They taught her how to be the vixen in the bedroom that you like so much. You should find them all and give them a hearty handshake because you got her now and they don't.
by hemiman on October 15th, 2007
Get over it!
by Rescuer Treesaw on October 15th, 2007
What would you have done if it was 76? Would that be any different? Would you love her less? Would you love her more if you had been her 1st? I think you should keep on loving her as much as you did before, she is still the same person.
by Gigglez on October 10th, 2007
WTF....nothing dude!!! it dosen't matter any more. So she lied...she married you and unless she's cheating on you I wouldn't worry about it!!! If you really love her(which I'm sure you do)... you would just let it go. Maybe she told you the truth because she TRUST in you and TRUST is one of the atributes of LOVE. And I hope she's ok with you saying that she got raped because thats a little personal. I'd be pertty pist dude...=)
by tvofhollywood on October 2nd, 2007
Accept it. Every woman is so afraid that the man she loves will judge her, and think shes a bad person. Honestly, many women lie about it at least once. I lied about it to my fiance, but when I finally told him, he understood as to why I kept it from him. Understanding and communication can either make or break a relationship. Try to understand where she's coming from. You love her for who she is, not what she did when she was young. Shes in love with you now. Shes faithful to you now. Thats all that matters. She loves you. Always remember that.
by Just Me on September 9th, 2007
Whats past is past she wasn't with you and cannot change it and irregardless she is who she is and you say you love her so therefore whats done is done does she know how many women you have "honestly" had and would it matter that much to her?
by Doodle Bug has nothing to complain about on September 9th, 2007
How many did you tell her you slept with and would you expect her to not love you anymore or make a difference if it were more than what you told her?
by Shady Guy on September 6th, 2007
Let it go. What does it matter now that she's with you?
by Hairwatcher on September 6th, 2007
Unless she is still sleeping with any of them, I don't see that you should do anything other than continue to love her and respect her honesty and trust in you.
by El Soupy spanish for the soupy on June 22nd, 2007
I could see how it might affect trust, but in reality the only thing that matters is who many people is she sleeping with now...
that reminds, I met this girl in a club and she gave me a BJ, then after she was done she told me I was number 50! ouch... I hope it was 50 total and not that night!
by katydid15 on June 22nd, 2007
Tell her that you really love her.
by judgebill on June 11th, 2007
Sounds like your wife is the same woman you married. What has changed? Are you still married? Does she still act as though you are the only man in her life? Do you still feel as strongly toward her as you did before she told you this? If so, then find something else to worry about, not this. Your marriage wasn't based on the quantity or quality of her previous experience any more than it was based on your own experience. Accept her the way she is...which is what you have been doing all along.
by roadpup2 on May 19th, 2007
Say and do nothing. You have some good answers here. What about your sexual history? Love her and get on with it. You are a lucky man to have a woman who trusts you enough to share herself with you.
by FreeRadical Jetpacking for Nelson on May 18th, 2007
In a strong relationship, intimacy just grows and grows over time. I've been with my man for 15 years, and painful or embarassing things from the past have slowly been shared with him - not all at once. You don't just say "Hey, we're getting married, here is a list of all the crap I've done". It doesn't mean I don't trust him. It just means that I didn't want to talk about it and/or it didn't affect him. If you knew everything about her back then, you wouldn't have had anything to discover. How boring that would be! She loves you, she shared, leave it at that.
by beenaroundtheblock on May 18th, 2007
Tell her you appreciate her honesty.
by FreeSpirit on May 13th, 2007
Look at what's important here. Why didn't she tell you? Most likely because she thought you would think less of her. Was she right? If so, why would you think less? That's more of an issue to me than the amount of guys she's been with.
by Yeux on May 11th, 2007
Maybe she was scared to tell you because she does not trust your reaction after she told you, and also she does not want to hurt your feelings. But, I guess she loves you and wanted to come clean with you and also clear her conscience so she told you the truth. If you both love each other what does it matter? Put the past behind you and move forward. If you continue to dwell on this, you will eventually ruin or destroy your relationship with her.
by the general on May 11th, 2007
what should you do?i think that you and your wife should agree to stop bringing up that subject.no more guilt,and no more of these past experiences dialogues.
forget about them,they were before you met.re-hashing these things is not beneficial to your marriage.
by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on May 9th, 2007
You should put your arms around her and say "I don't care. I love you and you're with me now. And that's all that matters." Just let the past be the past and move on.
I do think she needs to seek some counciling to just do a check up and make sure all's clear. Rape is the most violent crime the victem survives. And it does make women do some really self-destructive stuff after, like be promiscuous to try to regain contol of the power she lost.
by RosieGHM Jetpacker on May 4th, 2007
Was it out of the blue? I don't understand what the motive would be, unless she is currently being unfaithful. Maybe it made her feel better, but I don't see how it would benefit you.
Guys would you laugh at a woman who is way too into herself?
by RCLAY on November 10th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
How come do men never show how much pain their in???
by ❤Crith Angew Mindfweak❤ on November 15th, 2011
| 3 people like this
Are women intimidated by men that spend more time in the mirror then they do?
by RCLAY on October 31st, 2011
| 1 person likes this
When women lose at love do they change their hair, when men lose at love, do they shave or grow facial hair?
by Koz - Passion Perseverance Patience on November 4th, 2011
| 2 people like this
Shouldn't women quit bragging about "women live longer then men"
by RCLAY on November 1st, 2011
| 1 person likes this
You're reading Last night my wife told me she lied to me about how many guys she slept with in her life. She had told me it was 3 guys and the first of which raped her. But last night she told me it was actually a total of 12. What should I say or do? I really love her.
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Comments
Good advice. Thank you.
by Dr. Snavely on March 3rd, 2007
+4 good answer
by firecracr on March 3rd, 2007
The only thing I would add is that I would ask her if there is some reason why she chose to tell the truth last night. Maybe there's another issue going on that needs to be discussed. Otherwise, I'm 100% behind this answer.
by Old School on March 3rd, 2007
Perfect!!
by justme32 loves the weekends on March 5th, 2007
Good answer! (applause)
by Runaholism on May 9th, 2007
I agree with Old School. Question that night she told you. One thing about people in general is that they will confess the lesser evil. Its kinda like they make a compromise in their head...
"Hmmm...well I can't bear to tell him the thing that just happened, but maybe I can come clean about the other thing I kept from him(enter issue here) then it will make me feel better"
The other issue is usually much less incriminating than the real problem, and easier to forgive for whatever reason.
Everyone does this to some extent, but women are a little different than men because they fear something men don't have to...being labeled (a slut, whore, tramp...etc). Society really isn't easy on women when it comes to sex, so if anything is being kept from us guys by our women, it might involve their sex life.
Anyways, think back...you might have suspected something or felt uneasy about it. It could have happened 1 month ago, and its coming out now. But becareful, confrontation isnt always good.
by Tim on April 21st, 2008
Don;t think of anything until she comes right out and tells you something. Otherwise, let her be innocent in all things.
by Cubaneyes on June 5th, 2008