One of the constant points made by many parents, professionals, and other people regarding autistic children is that their behaviors are “autistic” behaviors. They use this to show a contrast between “autistic” behaviors versus “normal” behaviors. One of the cornerstone events that many autistic people have, in some cases, daily, is the meltdown. Because it happens so often with autistic people, neurotypical people often believe that this is an autistic trait. But as I am going to show you is a misconception. Equally false is the notion that only children have meltdowns. Adults, in certain situations, will melt down as well. For example, TV reporters often showed adults who were melting down as they tried to survive Hurricane Katrina during the aftermath of the storm. Why does a meltdown occur? There is a simple reason—a person is put in a situation they cannot deal with mentally, and they cannot escape that situation, so they fall apart. Their mind is telling them they need out, but the person in power says no—they must stay. Then the mind falls apart, and the child starts going crazy. Just as "neurotypicals" (people without autism) have trouble understanding autistic body languages, vocal tones, or phraseology, people with autism similarly have trouble with such things in people without autism. In particular, autistic language abilities tend to be highly literal; people without autism often inappropriately attribute hidden meaning to what people with autism say or expect the person with autism to sense such unstated meaning in their own words. Sometimes, the body language of people with autism can be difficult for other people to understand. Facial expressions, movements, and gestures may be easily understood by some other people with autism, but do not match those used by other people. Also, their tone of voice has a much more subtle inflection in reflecting their feelings, and the auditory system of a person without autism often cannot sense the fluctuations. What seems to non-autistic people like odd prosody ; things like a high-pitched, sing-song, or flat, robot-like voice may be common in autistic children and some will have combination's of these prosody issues. Some autistic children with relatively good language skills speak like little adults, rather than communicating at their current age level, which is one of the things that can lead to problems. Since non-autistic people are often unfamiliar with the autistic body language, and since autistic natural language may not tend towards speech, autistic people often struggle to let other people know what they need. As anybody might do in such a situation, they may scream in frustration or resort to grabbing what they want. While waiting for non-autistic people to learn to communicate with them, people with autism do whatever they can to get through to them. Social skills are learnt automatically by most neuro-typical individuals. For most people social skills are something that they don’t give much thought to. They are learnt throughout life by simply being exposed to lots of other people in many different social situations. They are learnt quite unconsciously and without any real effort on the part of the individual. However, for some individuals and especially those diagnosed with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD), we find that this is not the case. Those with ASD tend not to learn social skills however much they are exposed to social situations. Individuals with ASD often lack appropriate social skills and may not understand the unwritten rules of communication and social conduct being applied around them. By social skills we mean such things as knowing how to maintain appropriate eye contact, or using appropriate tone or volume of voice. Individuals with ASD may have real problems applying these social skills and may have further difficulties with verbal comprehension, such as inference and understanding idioms or sarcasm. They may have problems with knowing how much to say in a conversation, how to change from one topic to another, when this is appropriate or even when or how to end a conversation. Without these important social skills and coupled with high levels of stress and anxiety individuals can find it difficult to maintain friendships, work as part of a team, or understand the hidden rules of many social situations. This can then result in difficulties gaining or sustaining places in education and/or employment. Neuro-typicality (non-autistic) is a pervasive developmental condition, probably present since birth, in which the affected person sees the world in a very strange manner. It is a puzzle; an enigma that traps those so affected in a lifelong struggle for social status and recognition. Neuro-Typical individuals almost invariably show a triad of impairments, consisting of the inability to think independently of the social group, marked impairment in the ability to think logically or critically, and an inability to form special interests (other than in social activity). The hope is, that this will help (Aspergians) to understand the very different world of the Neuro-Typical. Neuro-Typical individuals show difficulty in forming an individual identity, or in thinking outside of the bounds of the accepted norms of their social groups. I t appears that each group that a Neuro-Typical belongs to will have its own set of “official” opinions, and each Neuro-Typical within that group is expected to adopts those beliefs. As strange as it sounds, they generally do so, very readily, and are not hesitant at all to help reinforce those beliefs end ensure group homogeneity in that manner, and their own innate opinions and desires are modified automatically to fit the group ideal. This bizarre lack of independence explains the tendency for Neuro-Typical s to engage in fads of various sorts, or for the existence of certain trends. Neuro-Typicals will change the way they talk or dress according to these trends, and other Neuro- Typicals will admire and imitate such “trendy” behavior. As such, Neuro- Typicals are easy prey for TV commercials or other means of advertising that seek to portray the purchase or use various products as socially desirable or “cool”. Sometimes, the body language of people with autism can be difficult for other people to understand. Facial expressions, movements, and gestures may be easily understood by some other people with autism, but do not match those used by other people. Also, their tone of voice has a much more subtle inflection in reflecting their feelings, and the auditory system of a person without autism often cannot sense the fluctuations. What seems to non-autistic people like odd prosody ; things like a high-pitched, sing-song, or flat, robot-like voice may be common in autistic children and some will have combination's of these prosody issues. Some autistic children with relatively good language skills speak like little adults, rather than communicating at their current age level, which is one of the things that can lead to problems. Since non-autistic people are often unfamiliar with the autistic body language, and since autistic natural language may not tend towards speech, autistic people often struggle to let other people know what they need. As anybody might do in such a situation, they may scream in frustration or resort to grabbing what they want. While waiting for non-autistic people to learn to communicate with them, people with autism do whatever they can to get through to them. Communication difficulties may contribute to autistic people becoming socially anxious or depressed or prone to self-injurious behaviors. Recently, with the awareness that those with autism can have more than one condition a significant percentage of people with autism are being diagnosed with co-morbid mood, anxiety and compulsive disorders which may also contribute to behavioral and functioning challenges. People without autism (what people with Asperger's tend to call "neurotypicals" or "NTs") generally possess a very sophisticated sense of other people's mental states. Most people are able to gather a whole host of information about other people's cognitive and emotional states based on clues gleaned from the environment and the other person's body language[?]. Autists do not have this ability, and the individual with Asperger's can be every bit as "mind-blind" as the person with profound Kannerian autism. At best they will see a smile but not know what it means (is it an understanding, a condescending, or a malicious smile?) and at worst they will not even see the smile - or frown, or smirk, or any other nuance of communication. They generally cannot "read between the lines," that is, figure out those things a person is implying but is not saying directly. They often find eye contact in particular overwhelming and hard to understand the nuances of. Many make very little eye contact. This leads to more difficulties picking up emotions because it's hard to see and learn about things one isn't looking at. Some will make constant eye contact, not knowing what the standards for too much are, and perhaps trying to get every clue about a person's facial expression they can to compensate for their limited ability to understand that facial expression. Asperger's Syndrome involves an intense level of focus for things of interest and is often characterized by special (while possibly peculiar) gifts; one person might be obsessed with 1950s professional wrestling, another with national anthems of African dictatorships, another with toilet brushes. Particularly common interests are means of transportation (for example trains) and computers. In general things with order have appeal. When these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task, the individual with Asperger's can often lead a profitable life - the child obsessed with naval architecture may grow up to be an accomplished shipwright, for instance. In pursuit of these interests, the individual with Asperger's often manifests extremely sophisticated reasoning, an almost obsessive focus, and eidetic memory. Hans Asperger[?] called his young patients "little professors", based on the fact that his thirteen-year-old patients had as comprehensive and nuanced an understanding, within their area of expertise, as university professors. Autists have emotional responses as strong as, or perhaps stronger than, most "neurotypicals", though what generates an emotional response might not always be the same. What they lack is the inborn ability to express their emotional state via body language, facial expression, and nuance in the way that most neurotypicals do. Many people with Asperger's report a feeling of being unwillingly divorced from the world around them; they lack the natural ability to see the subtexts of social interaction, and equally lack the ability to broadcast their own emotional state to the world. This leads to no end of troubles both in childhood and adulthood. When a teacher asks a child with Asperger's, "And did the dog eat your homework?", the child with Asperger's will remain silent, trying to figure out if they need to explain to the teacher that they don't have a dog and besides dogs don't generally like paper. The child doesn't understand what the teacher is asking, cannot infer the teacher's meaning or the fact that there is a non-literal meaning from the tone of voice, posture or facial expression, and is faced with a question which made as much sense to him as "did the glacier in the library bounce today?" The teacher walks away from the experience frustrated and thinking the child is arrogant, spiteful and insubordinate. The child sits there mutely, feeling frustrated and wronged. In adulthood, the person with Asperger's may find it difficult to differentiate between the smiles of a waitress waiting on his table and the woman at the next table who's interested in him. He may well wind up asking the waitress out for a cup of coffee and ignoring the woman at the next table. Asperger's Syndrome is not a death sentence, however - very far from it. Often their intense focus and tendency to work things out logically will grant them a high level of ability in their field of interest. Despite their difficulty with social interaction, many possess a rare gift for humor (especially puns, wordplay, doggerel, and satire) and written expression. In fact, their fluency with language is such that a number of them also qualify as hyperlexic. While their lives will probably not be considered a social success by the common standards and there are a large number who will remain alone their entire lives, it is possible for them to find understanding people (either also on the autistic spectrum or not) with whom they can have close relationships. While they face enormous obstacles, some manage to overcome them and prosper in society.

Nzguy's answer is entirely correct, if you can retain it all. Think of it as two people from different cultures trying to relate to each other. BOTH parties have to be willing and able to adapt in order to find a common ground. If she is trying to understand then you are off to a good start already. Also bear in mind that there is often a certain level of mutual annoyance in any relationship, even between two neurotypicals. We all have our quirks; its just that us Aspies tend to be a little more eccentric. NTs also have different ways of showing affection too. In that respect, us Aspies are actually fairly normal.