in addition to my question,on the phone she was in tears begging me, telling me how much she loved me and how sorry she was. she claimed she didnt know why it happened but it just did. she also claims to not remeber the actual act itself but the events leading up to it and that she willingly removed her jeans for this guy. she sounded very regretful and understandaly, i was very angry as she'd told me many times nothing would happen between them and her feelings for him were gone completly. she says her two other friends told her it had happened and that they saw them do it. she also said no protection was worn so they had unsafe sex. the next morning she phones me sober, to say nothing had happened and claimed not to remember talking to me on the phone. she apologised for her phone behaviour but continues to say she remembers nothing and nothing happened. She became rather aggressive when i confornted her about this and didnt want to talk about it as she felt embarassed about the call also: i asked her what she would do if this event truly did happen and she said she'd probably do nothing and act like nothing had happened, which i felt was a very inconsiderate and neglectful thing to say, as if she dint care about my feelings or how hurt i could end up. her statement was along the lines of, i was drunk so theres nothing i can do about - again acting like she doesnt care if this did or did not happen. i have asked her to ask her friends, to see if some light can be shed on this but all of a sudden they arent available to her, suggesting either she doesnt want to know herself, or she already knows and wishes to keep the answer secret from me. she came across as annoyed that i had become very confused and frustrated by this entire situation, and that i wanted clarity on it, as deep down im very much so hurting as i believe this ould well have happened. she has threatened abreak-up if i carry on asking questions which I get would annoy her but i just want the truth.

It sounds like not only is she lying, but she's trying to backtrack as well. I say this because: 1) It sounds as though she is being overly aggressive. It is generally well-known that if you find yourself confronted with a difficult situation in which you are guilty of doing something wrong, transfer the stress to the person accusing you. This changes the subject, to try to make an issue out of your lack of trust rather than her sexual indiscretions. 2) She told you that she would never knowingly admit to having an affair, so you have no reason to expect her to tell the truth. 3) She believes that it is okay to violate a relationship if she is drunk, which means that she is unwilling to take responsibility for her own actions. I'm assuming she drinks at parties like most people, and probably knows her limit and her behavior once she's in that drunken state. Therefore, she knew what she was capable of doing and being drunk is not an excuse. When you take all of that into consideration, she comes out looking deceptive, untrustworthy, disloyal, and a whole host of other things. What you decide to do about it is up to you, but I'll just note that if she believes it isn't her fault, that there is nothing wrong with what she did because of her drinking, and she has no problem keeping enormous secrets from you, then don't expect this to be the only time this happens.

If it didn't happen, she's a drama starter. If it did happen, she's a liar. Either way, you lose. Why are you with her?

She was scared she would loose you