ANSWERS: 9
  • I think it is a very nobal thing to do by consulting her parents! I would have a little speach prepared as I am sure you will get fairly nervous! Talk about how much you value their daughter and them and pretty much what your intentions are with her. I'm sure you will do great!
  • I asked her father first, just he and I in the back yard talking, and I asked what he would think of she and I getting married. He said, "Could you take her off my hands today?"......LOL... true story
  • I sought my father's approval first. Then I went and proposed. After she accepted, I then went to her parents house and informed them that I asked and she agreed. My reasoning was this... why ask the parents if the daughter won't consent? I'm not making the arrangement with the parents, I'm not buying her, or exchanging a dowry, so I don't want to make it appear like I'm making a deal for a piece of property. I would take their thoughts into consideration afterwards, but not before. What if they said "no"... would you really not ask her anyways? Isn't it false display of concern for the parent's feelings? Wouldn't honesty be a better beginning of a relationship?
  • If a man asked my parents permission before proposing to me, I'd have a problem with marrying him. I am an independent adult, not the ward of my parents.
  • It is a nice idea and still sounds very gentlemanly. It is something that I would make sure was ok with your girlfriend first. She may take exception to you asking them before her ,but would like the idea of you asking her parents afterward just as a formality
  • It isn't necessary to ask her parents, but it is a nice thought. My brother-in-law asked my parents before he asked my sister. My dad basically said "well, thanks for asking, but you'll need her to say yes, not me." My sister, however, was very happy to hear that he asked dad first. I think that, although not necessary, it is a nice way to show respect to her parents. Go visit them on your own, and basically say that you are in love with their daughter, and that you'd like to ask her to marry you because you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Say that you wanted to get their blessing before you proceeded, because you respect their opinion. As AntigoneRising points out - this really depends more on you and your future fiancee then her parents. Some women wouldn't appreciate you asking anyone but them for their hand in marriage. Ultimately, it is your girlfriend's decision, and nobody else's. She isn't her dad's property to give away, so think about what your girlfriend's opinion would be before you do anything. Good luck, and congratulations on finding that special someone! :)
  • I think as a show of respect, you SHOULD ask him. I asked my wife's Dad, and he said NO. But, it was only because it was 2 months before her 18th birthday. He was afraid she wouldn't finish school. So, we got married on her 18th birthday, and the rest is history. 26 years and 3 children later, every thing is still great. By the way, she did finish school.
  • I think that asking your future father in law is a way of including him in your life just that little bit more. My parents weren't happy with me marrying the man I did, but that said, they had their reasons. That didn't stop them however from supporting my wedding and they have warmed considerably to my husband since. Well, as to what you should say, it depends on the relationship you have with your father-in-law to be and what kind of family you're marrying into. If you're marrying into a formal family, then yes, absolutely, and be formal - ie, be respectful, and something like 'I'd like to respectfully ask for your daughter's hand in marriage and would like your approval before proceeding' Look, no matter the situation, the only glitch you could face with this kind of thing is what do you do if your father-in-law to be says 'no' and is serious about it? However, that said, if you get along with your girlfriend's family, there's a low chance of them turning you down. Also, are you going to ask your girlfriend for her hand in marriage first or do the parents-in-law first? I know that's part of what you're wondering but it might be easier to propose to your girlfriend then once she says yes (hopefully as will be the case), you can then go to her parents and let them you've already asked for her hand in marriage and that you wanted to seek their approval also. There are alot of useful websites online where you can get good father-in-law blessing / permission speeches (or ideas) and some of the wedding forums are fantastic too - they can really help - they are mainly for brides BUT don't let that stop you from asking them for help - they'll fall over themselves to assist you!!! weddingcentral.com.au is an Australian one but still a good one. You could try them (least I think they're still in existence). Good luck, congratulations on getting to this phase of your relationship and hope it all goes beyond your wildest expectations!
  • It depends on what kind of relationship she has with her parents. I would say in general, no. But that's just what I would want.

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