ANSWERS: 6
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The quick answer to this question is no, you don't fight for her. What proof do you have to support what she is saying? Have you seen him hit her? Do you know for sure he is a drinker? These statements are just that, they are statements. There needs to be some proof to support what she is saying. If you truly care about this woman, then you will support her decision and move on with your life. If she decides she wants to end the relationship and separates and/or files for divorce, then you should date her, but not until. Put yourself in her husbands shoes and ask yourself how you would feel it you were him and found out something like this was going on. Not a good feeling, is it? Do the right thing and find someone who has less baggage and you can truly be happy with. Not someone you have to share with someone else.
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dimars has hit the nail on the head. She is only trying to justify her infedility. "Beware of what you wish for because you just may get it". If you fight for her and get your wish, she will soon be justifying her infedility to the next man who will then want to fight for her.
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She is playing you. I spent 22 years in the military and saw that game so many times. She can leave him and the military will give her and the kids everything and leave him with nothing as the military cares for his needs. the stay for the kids is a pot of crud. Get out while you can. I have seen this so much. the loser will be you and a lot of times it is not good.
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Technically speaking you're both adulters. (assuming you have). But if she ain't gonna leave him, even if you've made the offer to help, then there isn't much you can do. Perhaps he needs her more than you realize. Don't be a knight in shining armor. It sounds like you've already made him out to be a monster.
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Her husband may be a monster, and it sounds like he is, however, he is serving his country right now. Out of respect for what he is currently doing, you should NOT be seeing his wife with him gone. I am not saying it is right to see a non-veterans wife, either. However, especially considering his service, this relationship is dead wrong. She needs to get away from this man if there is physical abuse going on. Only she can make the decision to leave him or not, though. Unless she does, she should be "off limits" to you. I would encourage her to file for divorce as soon as possible. As soon as the divorce is final, then you can "fight for her," as you say. However, if she wants to stay with him, for whatever reason, then you need to back off.
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My opinion is keep talking to her and show her that you are there for her! I know you should never interfere with a marriage, but she is being abused. Although I say this, it is her choice to get out! It sounds like she feels if she leaves him, she won't have a way to care for her and her children. I was in the same position and would have loved to find a man that was willing to help me get out! If she continues to stay with him, then let it go. She will get out sooner, but hopefully not before it is too late.
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