You won't believe this, but my husband's 10 year old cousin told us this one. (I could KILL Randy, his father) "Ed and his friend Bob are out hunting in the woods behind his house. Bob says 'Hey, Ed, I can see into your bedroom window through my scope! Your wife is in there, and she's cheating on you, man!' Ed, shocked, says to his friend, 'WHAT? Tell you what, you put one bullet in her head, and one bullet in that other guy's arse!' Bob looks through the scope again and says "Hey Ed, I could do that with one shot!' "

What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Well I cannot tell the worst because they would be deleted. So, I shall go for a medium level one: There are three cowhands sitting around the fire, sipping whiskey and telling tales. Of course the stories turn around to who is the baddest of the bad. Cowboy #1 stands up, sloshing his drink as he exclaims... "I wrangled the biggest, meanest bull with just one hand, leaving him trussed like a calf." He sit back down. Cowboy #2 stands up, gesturing widely as he says... "I was jumped by 10 bandidos and, without a pistol of my own, I sent most of them them running back to the badlands, two to the morgue." They both look at Cowboy #3 and shudder as they see him calmly stirring the coals of the fire with his penis. ------------- Not a chance I can tell my bad ones.

Remember when there was that famine in Ethiopia? How many Ethiopinas will fit in a phone booth? All of them

Whats the difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist?? you can negotiate with a terrorist...

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. What happens when a Jew gets an erection and runs into a wall? He breaks his nose.

Yes, they need to leave us alone and allow us to laugh. Having said that... ****************************** Whats the difference between a Jewish woman and a 747? The 747 stops whining when it lands in Miami ****************************** How do you make an Italian? Give a Puerto Rican a job ****************************** Did ya hear about the Polak who moved from Illinois to West Virginia? He ultimately raised the overall IQ of both states. ****************************** The US now has a black President. First thing he is doing? Moving into government housing...

The world would be a better place if all the do gooders backed off and let us have a good laugh... so here goes.. How does an englishman know if his wife is dead?? The sex is the same but the dishes are piling up. What does wife stand for?? Washing, Ironing,F@&king ,Etc What do you say to a women with two black eyes?? Nowt, she's been told twice already. Four gays in a hot tub when a blob of semen rose to the surface.. " ok! who farted" What did the Leper say to the prostitute? "You can keep the tip".

Three guys are sitting around a table at a bar having beers, a blue-blood Englishman, a suave Frenchman, and a redneck from Texas. The Englishman brags "I have the magic fingers, I can use these fingers to bring my lady two millimeters off the bed. The Frenchman replies "I have ze magic tongue, I can use my tounge to make my lady rise 6 millimeters off the bed. The Texan says "Hell, that aint nuthin fellers, I come home from the beer joint at 2 o'clock in the mornin, flip my 'ol lady over, f*ck 'er in the ass, get up and wipe my dick on the curtains, bitch hits the f*ckin ceilin'!

A man retires and moves to Florida. There is a pond in the back of his property surrounded by various citrus trees. One day some cuties from the local college decide to go skinny dipping in his pond. Aware but unsure of the activity in his pond he picked up his bucket that he used for collecting fruit and proceeded to go to his pond. The girls saw him and screamed. One of them said, "Don't you dare come near the pond. Were all naked and we're not comming out until you're gone. So go away you dirty old man! He replied chuckling, "Don't mind me girls, I'm only here to feed the alligator." ****************************************************** A man goes to the doctor for his wife's test results. Mr O'Malley : "I'm here for Mrs O'Malley's test results." Receptionist : "Oh, I'm sorry Mr O'Malley, there's been a problem. We have two sets of test results for a Mrs O'Malley and we don't know which belongs to your wife..... I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows Aids!" Mr O'Malley: "That's awful! What should I do?" Receptionist: "The doctor suggests you drop her off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't shag her." ******************************************************************************************* A young English couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship." With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!" She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Q: What do you call a black girl--who wears braces? A: A black-and-decker-pecker-wrecker!!!!!

The worst one I've heard lately is.. What has Jade Goodey and an easter egg got in common? the answer is.. Both will be in a box by Easter!!

WHATS WHITE AND DRIPS FROM CLOUDS??? THE CUMIN OF THE LORD........

Little Johnny got sent home one day from school for being bad. Upon getting home he called out for his folks but got no reply. He heard banging and moaning coming from upstairs and went up and opened his parent’s bedroom door. Johnny was shocked to see his dad giving it to his mom - her knees were by her ears, she was taking it like a porn starlet - screaming all manner of things. The folks noticed Johnny and froze. He let out a gasp and ran off. Stunned, his parents realized that this could be traumatic on their son and decided the dad should explain sex is something parents do when in love. The dad looked all over the house and couldnt find Johnny anywhere - then he heard banging and moaning coming from Grandmas room. He opened the door only to find little Johnny railing Grandma – just banging her senseless, pumping away with her legs in the air. The dad yelled, What the f*ck are you doing? to which Johnny replied it not so much fun when its your mom eh?

Things a Naked Man Does Not Want to Hear 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a night crawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger. 13. It's ok, we'll work around it. 14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim? 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 17. Oh no, a flash headache. 18. (giggle and point) 19. Can I be honest with you? 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 21. Let me go get my tweezers. 22. How sweet, you brought incense. 23. This explains your car. 24. You must be a growing boy. 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 27. Are you one of those pygmies? 28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 29. Every heard of clearasil? 30. All right, a treasure hunt! 31. I didn't know they came that small. 32. Why is God punishing you? 33. At least this won't take long. 34. I never saw one like that before. 35. What do you call this? 36. But it still works, right? 37. ####, I hate baby-sitting. 38. It looks so unused. 39. Do you take steroids? 40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it. 41. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident. 44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt? 45. Aww, it's hiding. 46. Are you cold? 47. If you get me real drunk first. 48. Is that an optical illusion? 49. What is that? 50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry. 51. Were you neutered? 52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 53. Does it come with an air pump? 54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 55. Where are the puppet strings? 56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun. 57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes. 58. Never mind, why bother. 59. Is that a second belly button? 60. Where's the rest of it?