• i cant think of one right now
  • Here is a Japanese joke! A girl came to a toll bridge and gave the attendant ten yen. The attendant informed her that the toll fee for crossing the bridge was twenty yen. She informed him that she was only going halfway across and would jump off there to commit suicide.
  • Here's a recent knee-slapper: Donald Trump was voted president!
    • Venus1485
      It would've been a tragedy if Hillary had won.
    • Front Samatcha
      I saw my ex with his new gf.
    • Archie Bunker
      The joke was on all the pansies crying for poor Hillary's loss. And it was funny to watch.
  • I saw my ex with his new gf.
    • Linda Joy
  • How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    • bostjan the adequate 🥉
      Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
  • Name something brown and sticky
    • bostjan the adequate 🥉
      A stick
  • What did the Japanese man say to the Japanese woman?
    • bostjan the adequate 🥉
      I don't know; I don't speak Japanese.
  • Why did the bin man quit his job? He thought it was a rubbish job. Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To meet his flat mate
  • There was a bear and a rabbit. And they were both taking a sh!t in the woods. Then bear looks around, sees rabbit and says, 'excuse me....but do you have a problem with sh!t sticking to your fur?'. The rabbit said, 'no'. So the bear then wiped his azz with the rabbit.
    • Beat Covid, Avoid Republicans
      lol, that's very funny
  • A conversation between an applicant and hiring manager Applicant: how much will be the salary? Hiring Manager: Don't worry, it is competitive. Hiring managers: Tell me about your skills. Applicant: Don't worry, they're amazing
  • Where do cannibals go to relax? Anywhere, as long as its a hip joint. 😋😏😒
  • Hannibal Lector once tried out for Hockey. His specialty was face-offs. 😒😓😔
  • Is it true vampires are into crypto-currencies?
  • What shoes does someone with two left feet wear?
    • Creamcrackered
  • Joke from musician, wit Oscar Levant. What does a crooked politician do? He double crosses the bridge.
  • What did the Mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now he'd turn over in his gravy?😌
  • Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A: A polar bear.
  • A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?” “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
  • "Where do you learn to make a banana split?" - "Sundae school!"
  • What is the most that's not saying much statement? Ans. That person is shorter than Robert Wadlow.
    • bostjan the adequate 🥉
      Is the person taller than Chandra Bahadur Dangi?
  • A man on a business trip tries to phone his wife from his hotel. An unexpected female answers the phone. "Who is this?" asks the man. "I am the maid," she responds. "What? Why do we have a maid? My wife is supposed to be taking care of that responsibility and not hiring someone else to do it! What's she so busy doing anyway?!" the man rants. The maid answers, "well, sorry to be the one to tell you this, but she's in the bedroom with another man right now..." The man, furious, offers the maid a bunch of money to kill them both. The maid cautiously agrees. The man stays on the line, hearing a horrific scream, then the maid comes back on the phone and asks "Ok, it is done, what should I do with the bodies?" The man says "Put them in the basement for now; I'll deal with it when I get back." The maid says "sir, we don't have a basement." The man asks "Is this 1-234-555-6767?" The maid says "no, sorry, wrong number."
  • Four cannibals apply for a job with the government. "Well“, says the boss, "if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“ The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired. Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office. “You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?” The cannibals swear that they are innocent. The boss believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader. “You idiots!”, he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?” One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand. “You fool!”, shouts the leader. "For weeks we've been feasting on bureaucrats, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!"
  • A lawyer is driving past a homeless man in his Mercedes. He sees the homeless man eating grass, and is perplexed, so he stops and rolls down his window, asking the man why he's eating grass. The homeless man responds, "I have no money and nothing to eat, so I've come to resort to this in order to keep myself from starving." The lawyer tells the man to get in the back of the Mercedes to come to his house. The lawyer calls his wife on his cell phone on the way home and tells her the whole story, and she says that she's happy to have the guest over to feed him. The homeless man expresses his gratitude, saying that it's been months since he's had a proper meal, and the lawyer says, "Well, you're in luck, because we haven't mowed the lawn for a week!"
  • Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and says: "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see." Dr. Watson observes, "I see millions and millions of stars." Sherlock Holmes continues, "And what do you deduce from that?" Dr. Watson ponders, "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes retorts, "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"
  • Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One! Zey are very efficient and have no time for jokes!
  • Two eggs walk into a bar and try to order a beer. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

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